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Deleted member 38906
My T suggested that I try to open up more cause according to him that's how shifts happen... When we open up and become vulnerable in therapy.
I was pretty open two sessions ago but when my T noticed and pointed out that I was changing for the better and becoming more comfortable sharing stuff with him, it made me feel like pulling away again so I did. I couldn't help but feel suffocated by his comments.
I don't know if I trust him either. Sometimes I feel like walking in his office and yelling: I know you hate me! It's written all over your face.. Why don't you just stop pretending and admit it?! You're using me, you liar... But I don't. I stuff all those thoughts deep down and stay guarded instead.
So here is why I don't trust him:
1. He's too relaxed.
2. He asked me if I like movies. When I told him about a good movie I saw on a streaming site recently, he wrote down the name of it and address of the site and said he'd like to check it out. This all means that he's using me.
3. He doesn't probe enough when I try to keep the session light.
4. He never uses the word abuse in describing my mom, even though I told him I was beaten up as a kid. Therefore he's on my mom's side.
Obviously all my reasons are flawed and he'd think I was crazy if I brought it up to him. As flawed as they are they are the kind of thoughts that keep me guarded off.
Has anyone had similar experiences? If so how have you put aside your doubts to open up?
I was pretty open two sessions ago but when my T noticed and pointed out that I was changing for the better and becoming more comfortable sharing stuff with him, it made me feel like pulling away again so I did. I couldn't help but feel suffocated by his comments.
I don't know if I trust him either. Sometimes I feel like walking in his office and yelling: I know you hate me! It's written all over your face.. Why don't you just stop pretending and admit it?! You're using me, you liar... But I don't. I stuff all those thoughts deep down and stay guarded instead.
So here is why I don't trust him:
1. He's too relaxed.
2. He asked me if I like movies. When I told him about a good movie I saw on a streaming site recently, he wrote down the name of it and address of the site and said he'd like to check it out. This all means that he's using me.
3. He doesn't probe enough when I try to keep the session light.
4. He never uses the word abuse in describing my mom, even though I told him I was beaten up as a kid. Therefore he's on my mom's side.
Obviously all my reasons are flawed and he'd think I was crazy if I brought it up to him. As flawed as they are they are the kind of thoughts that keep me guarded off.
Has anyone had similar experiences? If so how have you put aside your doubts to open up?