Empty Shell
Confident
I don’t know how to use this site. I’m desperate to talk with someone - but more desperate for someone to be here with me to SHOW ME how to do things. Like understand SSA which just admitted they “strong armed” me into filing early. I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship beyond belief. I mean how can your husband use his bellowing voice to yell over you, tell you you’ve gone downhill in the last couple years, tell you you’re selfish, doesn’t trust you, can’t even wake you up to go to bed at night because he’s offended you’ve gone to sleep on the sofa while watching a show - and then start talking like nothing has gone on? Like things are normal? Things aren’t normal. He’s mean and abusive. It’s his way or the highway - his own words - and I don’t know how I could possibly afford to support myself.
There is much more going on, but I just don’t know how to handle it all. Suicide thoughts come often and are a comfort. It’s a comfort to know I could leave this mess of a life behind. Total failure. I’ve been a failure as a mom and that hurts the most.
Too many bad memories. If I’ve enjoyed my life at all, at any time, the good memories are few and overshadowed by the bad. I’ve had PTSD and depression since 5 years old.
It’s finally nice out for the day in so long and I have no desire to go out and tend my plants that used to be the world to me. I don’t care anymore.
I’m just venting. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hate my life and think I’m beyond any happiness. I pretty much trust no one any longer.
There is much more going on, but I just don’t know how to handle it all. Suicide thoughts come often and are a comfort. It’s a comfort to know I could leave this mess of a life behind. Total failure. I’ve been a failure as a mom and that hurts the most.
Too many bad memories. If I’ve enjoyed my life at all, at any time, the good memories are few and overshadowed by the bad. I’ve had PTSD and depression since 5 years old.
It’s finally nice out for the day in so long and I have no desire to go out and tend my plants that used to be the world to me. I don’t care anymore.
I’m just venting. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hate my life and think I’m beyond any happiness. I pretty much trust no one any longer.