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pleasehelp
Hi so. i hope this doesnt break any rules about the site.
so. quick tldr i am an abuse survivor with cptsd, i was a victim of csa by my progenitor when i was about 8 years old, and while it stopped a few years later the harassment continued in some ways until i got to run away from that house at 19. i'm currently 20.
am also a suvivor of csa/grooming by the sibling of this person. happened since i was abt 13 or 14 and it stopped when i was about 16 due to me moving out of that house. should mention im also a child labor survivor from this same man.
however when i moved out with [progenitor mentioned above] she became violent, and there would be moments where i had to hide in my room because the agressivity meant my life was at threat. as you can imagine a lot of emotional abuse also went on and it left me severely traumatized
anyways. few months since i escaped, gladly theres a restraint order. living with a relative currently
however a few days ago i found out theyre still talking to the person my progenitor is married to, and it destroyed me emotionally. i've been depressed and have stopped being talkative towards the people i live with since i feel betrayed, but i'm also considering killing myself
i talked to my therapist a few days ago but i cant contact them now and have no way of reaching out. i don't want to reach out to my s/o since i worry it might trigger them, and don't feel confident in telling a friend because i dont feel we're close enough.
i've been checking out what things i could do the deed with, or if they'd work but currently i can't see anything that would help me cut it for good.
i'm really thinking of it, and the betrayal from the only person i THOUGHT i could trust in left me wanting to die every time i remember what my life has come to.
the only reason i'm reaching out is a friend told me to reconsider it, but other than that i feel done with being alive. please help. i don't know what to do anymore. every time i hear the voice of this person talking (since we live in this house) i just feel too much emotional stress and want to do it already
i should mention where i live there are no hotlines and no hospital support for suicidal people, the closest thing would be getting thrown into a psych ward and i definitely dont want that. i can't contact my therapist at the moment and i feel im losing control already
so. quick tldr i am an abuse survivor with cptsd, i was a victim of csa by my progenitor when i was about 8 years old, and while it stopped a few years later the harassment continued in some ways until i got to run away from that house at 19. i'm currently 20.
am also a suvivor of csa/grooming by the sibling of this person. happened since i was abt 13 or 14 and it stopped when i was about 16 due to me moving out of that house. should mention im also a child labor survivor from this same man.
however when i moved out with [progenitor mentioned above] she became violent, and there would be moments where i had to hide in my room because the agressivity meant my life was at threat. as you can imagine a lot of emotional abuse also went on and it left me severely traumatized
anyways. few months since i escaped, gladly theres a restraint order. living with a relative currently
however a few days ago i found out theyre still talking to the person my progenitor is married to, and it destroyed me emotionally. i've been depressed and have stopped being talkative towards the people i live with since i feel betrayed, but i'm also considering killing myself
i talked to my therapist a few days ago but i cant contact them now and have no way of reaching out. i don't want to reach out to my s/o since i worry it might trigger them, and don't feel confident in telling a friend because i dont feel we're close enough.
i've been checking out what things i could do the deed with, or if they'd work but currently i can't see anything that would help me cut it for good.
i'm really thinking of it, and the betrayal from the only person i THOUGHT i could trust in left me wanting to die every time i remember what my life has come to.
the only reason i'm reaching out is a friend told me to reconsider it, but other than that i feel done with being alive. please help. i don't know what to do anymore. every time i hear the voice of this person talking (since we live in this house) i just feel too much emotional stress and want to do it already
i should mention where i live there are no hotlines and no hospital support for suicidal people, the closest thing would be getting thrown into a psych ward and i definitely dont want that. i can't contact my therapist at the moment and i feel im losing control already
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