Suicidal Ideation - Will It Ever End?

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Curzone

Learning
I've been suffering with suicidal ideation for over a decade... Been close to doing it a number of times. Problem is, despite being on medication (Olanzapine) things have kinda got worse - I think about it day and night. I keep talking myself out of it, but I feel stuck in this circle of hell. It's become normal for me.

Weirdly, it's the only thing that reduces my anxiety. That I have the choice to end my life and stop this hell.

Has anyone, who's been in a similar situation, got over this? If so, how?
 

dropTheD

MyPTSD Pro
Welll...

For me, recently... medications helped, antidepressants

Olanzapine seems to be an antypsihotic, it's not generally used for treating depression and suicidal ideation

maybe try getting meds for that?

I hope it gets better :hug:
 

twinkle30

Confident
When I was a teen and into my early 20s I went through this. Recently I had begun to feel this way but this time I took steps to reverse it. If you have heard of the DBT skills they have one skill called opposite action. That is the skill I do the most. What that means is that you do the opposite of how you feel.
I feel like sitting home in bed doing nothing. Instead I started working out and running (exercise helps a lot), I joined a writer's group, I started taking art lessons. I started attending church functions to socialize with people. Even though I wanted to isolate myself. So for me I think opposite action helps a lot. At first it will be hard and you will just be going through the motions but after a while you will have a much more active and fulfilling life and you will start to feel better.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
I'd recheck the medication hasn't made the suicidality more intense, honestly.

I treat suicidality as an antithesis of everything I want in my life, as in the way to my actual goals. When I have something to sabotage instead of sabotaging my life, I'm doing better. So maybe find something that's very against-death-in-all-forms & against-suffering-as-well motivator for you? Use that in reasoning for why not jump the ship?
 
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Mytime

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe look into Iogosynthesis. It helps move the energy we hold captive to be reclaimed by our real Self. See if your therapist does it or find a therapist.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Well I can't say it feels as a reduction in anxiety, though I could see it as a reduction to me in suffering, or compounded by self-blame.

Those are good suggestions; to act otherwise, to check meds, to surround yourself with goodness.

I think mine started with believing others' words, then probably internalizing those words. Hard to change beliefs but I have to start from there. Also try to listen to the opposite. Oh yeah, & ask for help/ say something. I pray a lot.

Best wishes to you. :hug:
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Are you in therapy? Oftentimes therapy is more effective than medication. It may also be time for a medication change. Antipsychotics decrease dopamine. Dopamine makes us feel good. Antipsychotics are known to increase depressive symptoms. (This is not well known as antipsychotics are pushed as add ons for depression.)
 
I've been there several times. I just went thru it burned some pictures or degrees. You like music, it helps me, driving a car also clears my mind. I like to be myself because people I can't trust.
 
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