Undiagnosed suicide witness and assault survivor.

cornyg1

New Here
Hello reader -

Tomorrow will have been 5 years since the worst day of my life. I was 16, and my ex boyfriend/long time childhood friend raped me twice and shot himself with a shotgun while I was locked in the room. Following that came an influx of hatred from his entire family, friends etc blaming me for his death, accusing me of murder, you name it. His mother was the worst of them all and continued to contact my friends in attempts to make me look bad and have them turn against me up until about a year and a half ago. (Since then she’s shown up at my house trying to talk to us and apologize but that’s beside the point. The lady is actually nuts. She sent me pics of him in his casket on Christmas a month after it happened through one of his instagram accounts just to give you an idea.)

Anyway, I went to therapy very briefly for this but being the “strong, independent” teen I was (or wanted everybody to believe) I eventually stopped going as I felt it wasn’t making much of a difference. I have “healed” and since been in other relationships but the anxiety between me and everybody else around me is still there, lurking and waiting for me to be triggered by something my nervous system didn’t like.

I guess I’m posting here because I keep putting off therapy, which I know is silly; I plan to go eventually but since that isn’t happening right now my mom sent me this forum and I thought I’d write something up and give it a go in hopes I could find someone to relate to. I think the worst part of it all recently has been the violent nightmares/intrusive thoughts about people around me as well as the event itself. Not necessarily looking for advice but if anybody has some feel free to share. Or if you just want to talk about it with somebody that knows what you’re going through, cause lord knows that’s what I need at the moment.
 
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caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Hello reader -

Tomorrow will have been 5 years since the worst day of my life. I was 16, and my ex boyfriend/long time childhood friend raped me twice and shot himself with a shotgun while I was locked in the room. Following that came an influx of hatred from his entire family, friends etc blaming me for his death, accusing me of murder, you name it. His mother was the worst of them all and continued to contact my friends in attempts to make me look bad and have them turn against me up until about a year and a half ago. (Since then she’s shown up at my house trying to talk to us and apologize but that’s beside the point. The lady is actually nuts. She sent me pics of him in his casket on Christmas a month after it happened through one of his instagram accounts just to give you an idea.)
Welcome, we are glad to have you here :)
 

skipP

New Here
Hello reader -

Tomorrow will have been 5 years since the worst day of my life. I was 16, and my ex boyfriend/long time childhood friend raped me twice and shot himself with a shotgun while I was locked in the room. Following that came an influx of hatred from his entire family, friends etc blaming me for his death, accusing me of murder, you name it. His mother was the worst of them all and continued to contact my friends in attempts to make me look bad and have them turn against me up until about a year and a half ago. (Since then she’s shown up at my house trying to talk to us and apologize but that’s beside the point. The lady is actually nuts. She sent me pics of him in his casket on Christmas a month after it happened through one of his instagram accounts just to give you an idea.)

Anyway, I went to therapy very briefly for this but being the “strong, independent” teen I was (or wanted everybody to believe) I eventually stopped going as I felt it wasn’t making much of a difference. I have “healed” and since been in other relationships but the anxiety between me and everybody else around me is still there, lurking and waiting for me to be triggered by something my nervous system didn’t like.

I guess I’m posting here because I keep putting off therapy, which I know is silly; I plan to go eventually but since that isn’t happening right now my mom sent me this forum and I thought I’d write something up and give it a go in hopes I could find someone to relate to. I think the worst part of it all recently has been the violent nightmares/intrusive thoughts about people around me as well as the event itself. Not necessarily looking for advice but if anybody has some feel free to share. Or if you just want to talk about it with somebody that knows what you’re going through, cause lord knows that’s what I need at the moment.
I'm sorry that you went through this, I know it sucks. I watched my father die of a self- inflicted gun shot wound when I was just 14 yrs old. I know about the nightmares, intrusive thoughts, etc. I just recently started therapy again. All that I can say is that some days are harder then others. I attempted suicide twice and recently I was entertaining the idea of shooting myself. Thank God I didn't see it through. The devastating effects is unreal, as you know. All I can say is hang on. Easier said than done, but that's what we do.
 
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