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General Supporters, what can sufferers do to help you?

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Swift

MyPTSD Pro
Hey,
So I'm starting this thread as a sufferer.
I hate to see my loved ones struggle with how f'd up I get.
I hate it even more when there's something simple I could have just said, or done, or some way to phrase it that would help them understand that they aren't the bad guys, I love them, and PTSD has it's own logic.
To all you supporters, thank you.
The fact that you're even on here, caring enough to log in, is awesome.

Should I move this to the supporter's forum? Like, I don't want drama or anger or stuff. But, it would be good to help. I'll start, then.
People reckon when I flinch, I flinch away from them in particular.
I don't. It's not on purpose.
In fact, the more "safe" to me you are, the more likely I am to flinch.
I'm a "freeze" kinda person.
My parents thought I hated them, because I used to sleep in the garage, on purpose. They thought I was doing that to get away from them. The real thing is, I didn't think I deserved a bed. With sheets, even. I still struggle
 
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@Swift thanks for starting this thread.
As supporters it’s hard to see the one we love in pain. It’s hard to understand why our sufferers don’t feel safe to talk to us. We do understand some things can be hard for sufferers and sometimes can’t meet our needs. But the funny thing is, for most of us little things can make a big difference.
For yourself, I’m sure if you wrote an email to your love ones what you wrote here about how you flinch would help a lot and that when you flinch it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

My husband at one time couldn’t say I love you. So I would say “ love you” he would respond “ U2” but only on text not face to face. Now he tells me “ love you”
every day face to face.

It can be little things like saying or texting goodnight.
It may sound silly, but even if my sufferer just said “I see you” and nothing else. For me would be good and would make my day a better one.

It know this sounds silly, but having flash cards with words on them like, hugs, love, ect. If you can’t give us a hug or kiss, you can show us a card or text it.

Sometimes just the validation of who we are. Simple is good.

@Swift you are worthy of a bed, sheets,a home. Your worthy of love, respect, happiness, compassion . Your worthy of goals, dreams, self growth. You are worthy, to be the person you want to be. To be your true self , loved
cherish and supported.

Thank you for caring about us supporters.
 
Thanks for asking!

One thing my guy does is acknowledge me after a meltdown. When we calm down he always asks if I'm ok. And the way he says it I know he understands the impact PTSD has on me too.

He's been really stressed with some personal b.s. the last few weeks but he still leaves me love notes on the fridge or in my car. It means the world to me!

The one thing that s*cks is I can't always express my emotions. Well I could but it usually fills that d@mn stress cup of his. (unfortunately that's not likely to change)
 
I really appreciate when my vet keeps me in the loop. It helps me understand what's going on. When I understand I don't draw conclusions or take things personally.

If he tells me he is panicky/sick/symptomatic I can tell myself "ok, he is in self preservation mode. He needs a little space, some patience, or just an ear. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing to get worked up about. Make sure he has some food and let him do his thing".

If he doesn't tell me I have to figure it out on my own, and that's how misunderstandings happen.
 
Well for one when I attempt to be imtimate with you don't back off and tell me what I need. Sorry I dissociated I didn't mean to. That doesn't mean you know what I need from there.
 
Sorry didn't finish.

I guess what I am trying to say is don't assume you know what they need. And for God's sake don't tell them how bad the last time was when I'm trying. " The last time we were intimate you were so "doll like"
Dude. You couldn't have talked to me about that BEFORE NOW?
 
Hey. Thanks everyone.
@Mytime you are so kind it brought a tear to my eye.
@joeylittle thank you. And thank you for all the work you do here.
@Zoogal I'm sorry you're dissociating. Dissociation is one of the hardest things to explain to my supporters.
I'm a bit hesitant to post on the supporters' forum because I'm here as a sufferer, and I don't want to take away space for supporters, who aren't given much compared to us survivors outside this forum IMO.
Communication seems to be the key.

Speaking as a sufferer, I know my PTSD is a huge burden on the ones I love. And I feel massively guilty about that, and just in general. Sometimes I can't communicate at all. Sometimes I can't do words, and most of the time I'm too depersonalized to be able to do a 1-10 scale of things.

One of the things that's kind of worked as a mechanism for me is love languages - understanding what makes people feel appreciated is massively helpful. If someone's able to tell me their love language, or if I just know, it's much easier for me to show appreciation in their language.

One of the things that I have trouble with is verbalizing my feelings. As I'm sure you guys know, "it's a bad day" can mean a lot of things, if you get that much out of me. What's helpful, like, specifically? "Panicky/symptomatic" is a good guideline. Would it be helpful to say I'm this-kind of symptomatic or that-kind? Some of the things that go through my head are so far off-base.

Anyway, thank you to each and every one of you. Even if they can't express it, your sufferers are grateful beyond words.
 
Would it be helpful to say I'm this-kind of symptomatic or that-kind? Some of the things that go through my head are so far off-base.

If you have different needs depending on what each particular symptom is. My vet usually says he's "sick" or "not feeling good", then I'll ask "physically?" If he says no, I know it's the PTSD. We've been together long enough I can usually tell beforehand and recognize how his different symptoms manifest. The "sick" alert confirms it for me. I know the drill, but only because he's been specific with me in the past.
 
I totally read the title wrong. I apologize.
No worries. Did you read it as 'sufferers, what can supporters do?' Totally understandable, and a whole different discussion. I should probs change the title of the thread.

I feel like there's a lot of stuff for sufferers, and most stuff directed at supporters is about how to, well, support. As a sufferer (not a huge fan of that term, but oh well), I have literally never read anything about how to help your supporters.
 
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