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Supporting Someone With PTSD, But I Need Support...

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Nadine, Nov 26, 2007.

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  1. Nadine

    Nadine New Member

    when i saw this from the first poster, it was my story. two weeks ago my boyfriend tuned round and said he hadnt loved me for 1.5 years (we've been going out nearly 4 years). we're on abreak, but still kinda talking.

    He was abused physicially as a child, parents literally trying to kill him twice. well anyway, he told me this for the first time when he told me he didnt love me anymore. his voice changed, his face, everything. well, he went to a shrink during our break and within the first hour the shrink said he might have ptsd, but the test that he took today proved he does. his reaction? anger, resentment and he doesnt believe it

    Since his early teenage years people from his schools and so on have FORCED him into therapy, and he hates it, and it took a lot of courage to go in the first time. He has only had one meeting. but when he got the test results back he didnt believe them. he has always considered himself a freak. he says he secretly wants to feel the pain of a knife in him again, telling me that his parents warned him not to show me the monster inside hime. well ptsd is not a disease or anything like that, and can be cured. describing this to them doesnt help. he is sick of shrinks saying they can fix them. he says he can fix himself, but the first 21 years of his life didnt seem to do that...

    I am going through a very touch time in my life, everyone in my family is in therapy, my sis for anxiety, my parents just broke up, my disabilities make university work twice as hard and long, this was SO not the time to revela all this to me, but i know time isnt a factor in something like this.

    we've decided to wait until the xmas period until we talk. he says he needs to sort himself out, and it is all him, he admits that, yet two things bother me about that: it wont take nly 3 weeks to sort himself out, and if he wont go see the shrink on a weekly basis like his shrink thinks he should, how WILL he sort himself out. his workds well "ill put it to the back of my mind and forget about it" but ptsd is a disoder, not a bad memory, but something much more emotional than that.

    i really love him, a lot, and not only did he break my heart by telling me he's fallen out of love with me, but my heart is still broken, and it wontheal. the most painful thing is that he says he is THAT close to livng me again and he really wants to. What do I do... i dont feel like i can call him because he needs space plus i'm pretty angry just as a natural reaction to what he told me.

    how can i be there for him without tearing myself up inside. he calls, and i try and help, but he's just so unpredictable. he has been diagnosed with ptsd, know it, wont accept it and wont get help. whats the next step?

    sorry this is such a rant, i mean every person ive met has said dump him, but they dont know about the ptsd, and he does want to try. how can i help?

    p.s. i live in scotland and he lives in england, but during the xmas break we both live in malaysia, have the same friends and so on, so there is an immense pressure on both of us to kinda sort this out before xmas...
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  3. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    Nadine, welcome to the forum and lovely to have you. This forum is an excellent resource to learn about PTSD, I trust you have been doing some reading. I have given you your own thread in the hopes you will get more responses. I will comment myself in the morning, if not sooner. Take care until then.
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