Surgery postponed - feeling low

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
So, as some of you know, I was scheduled to get spinal surgery July 5th. The long story short is that I now have covid and because of that they are postponing mu surgery until September 6th. It's been such a long haul. I've been pushing myself hard to keep working and get things done prior to the 5th. And now it's back to waiting and living in pain. And the friend who was going to stay at my house, to care for my pets while I was in the hospital and care for me when I got home, won't be available in the 6th. And I haven't been able to work full time with my back like this, so this just drags out the amount of time I'm not making enough.

And my head is all screwed up on old tapes. I'm working really hard to not give them space. But there's these old messages:
it's all my fault I got covid so I shouldn't complain about anything
It's all my fault I got covid and it has caused other people problems and screwed up their plans so I am bad and a burden
This proves I didn't need surgery or help in the first place.
I'm too needy and always have problems and just need to be fine.

My birthday is in a few days which probably isn't helping things. It's a very big trigger. And I feel better than a few days ago but it's possible I'm sill not feeling well and that's making things worse.

I decided to give myself today as a pity party day. And then tomorrow I'll work on having a positive attitude and getting on with life. It's just a few months. Big deal.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
it's all my fault I got covid so I shouldn't complain about anything
It's all my fault I got covid and it has caused other people problems and screwed up their plans so I am bad and a burden
This proves I didn't need surgery or help in the first place.
I'm too needy and always have problems and just need to be fine.
It can’t be your fault you got COVID, that’s not how it works (I struggle with this same distortion whenever I get sick)

You are needy… sometimes… and you take on a shit-ton of responsibilities sometimes. Everyone is needy sometimes. You have problems sometimes and sometimes you help other people with their problems.

Yes you need to be fine, you need to be better, which proves you need the surgery and since you can’t do the surgery yourself 🤓 you need help. Sometimes you need help and sometimes you help others in need. (you help me and others with problems, and when I help you it helps me too!)
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Can the date be brought forward any? Say, if someone else has a cancellation?

It's a long time to wait whilst in pain.

And this isn't a pity party. This is exploring a challenging and stressful situation. One that anyone will find really hard.

And birthday thrown in: hard.
 

osiris

MyPTSD Pro
Didn’t want to read and not say anything.
Sounds really disappointing and is another delay which must be very hard.

There are always so many factors that can derail stuff but I’m sure no one is blaming you, even though it’s hard for you not to feel that right now.

I hope you recover quickly from covid so you can get back on track and get to the surgery date.
 

barefoot

Sponsor
Oh, I’m sorry, that is tough and really bad luck.

Can you get on their list for if there is a cancellation, so you may be able to get it done sooner? Covid is whipping round again here, so I’m sure there will be other people who can’t go ahead over the summer for the same reason as you now. May be worth another call/email to the consultant’s secretary?

I often have quite distorted thinking about my health too. I hope you can be kind to yourself on the Covid front. I also have Covid at the moment, as does my wife, and we’re both feeling pretty rotten with it. I barely go out, I work from home, if I pop to a shop I wear a mask…but my wife is a teacher and staff and students have been dropping like flies at her school for weeks. Covid is rife at the moment.

I hope you are not feeling too sick with it and that you make a full and speedy recovery and can then look ahead to getting this surgery done albeit later than planned.

Take care
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
been there. We are feeling the results of waiting for surgeries here and the covid is my personal worst nightmare at this point. We are over a year waiting for my wifes surgery and it is happening on your planned date, july 5. It was supposed to be last year, June. I got tired of putting her first and waiting forever so I set up a few of my put off procedures and wham! she finally got a date, Now I am facing a neck procedure and she is getting her hip redone within the space of 2 weeks time.
Is this because i did anything right? Am i going to get christmas cards from my surgeon because I didn't get covid and preserved their scheduling?
Does this prove that I am getting preferential treatment by the great power up on the high thing?
Nope. It's all just shit that happens. shit happens. September is like the day after next wednesday, if I remember how waiting for surgery goes. Pain sucks but it does pass or you can work around it. Personally I like opiates, but wine and chocolate have done well in a pinch.
hang in there, it is really the only/best option, and we got your support here if you need us
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
Definitely not your fault! This is one of those things where there's no point blaming anyone, stuff just happens the way it happens. But, I kind of like the idea of asking if you can move it up if someone cancels. After all, other people will be getting Covid too and people will be wanted to fill their slots. Hang in there Muttly!
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry Muttly. That all sounds awful. Hoping things somehow work out for you. That is a lot of stress. Vent here when you need to. We'll listen. Sending care and support your way. 🫂
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks all. I really appreciate it. I did leave a message asking if I could be put on the wait list. I also should talk to her again and clarify the timing. It seems like she's counting 6 weeks from when my surgery is scheduled, not 6 weeks from when I got covid. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Although that just feels like I'm bothering her and being too demanding

I also have Covid at the moment, as does my wife, and we’re both feeling pretty rotten with it.

I'm sorry you have covid. I hope you feel better soon.

Personally I like opiates, but wine and chocolate have done well in a pinch.

Heh, this made me laugh. And sorry you've had such a hassle with getting surgeries scheduled and have so much going on. That sounds super stressful.

As far as getting more opiates... that involves making an appointment with the doctor and being "needy". I don't know. I can probably just suck it up. I had another thought of something that might, could help me, but I have even bigger issues asking for this. It would be a disabled placard. I mean, sometimes I can walk a ways. Sometimes any walking is a struggle. But I am probably exaggerating.

And since I'm being stupid and whiny. Since my best friend can't stay here the first week, what I want is to ask my boyfriend. But he hasn't offered. And I don't want to be too needy. And it's probably a terrible idea. And he was just here so it's not fair to even think about it.

Sorry, I'm being dumb
 
Top