Medical Surprise Hysteroscopy

[piratelady]

We had been trying IVF to get pregnant. It went badly with the local clinic. We switched to a clinic in a different state. We went there for testing this past week. I didn’t know what was scheduled on which days. On Wednesday they did a hysteroscopy that I didn’t know was scheduled.

Basically, with bottoms off, I sat in a chair, they reclined me until it seemed like I was upside down. Then they manually pried open the cervix, “dropped in saline” and carbon dioxide, the shoved a camera up there to take pictures. It seems I was supposed to know to take some ibuprofen beforehand. The pain was bad enough I nearly threw up.

I have a polyp that they wanted to remove. I convinced them to let my doctor here do it. So now I’ll have at least one more of these procedures to verify my doctor really removes it.

I can’t stop thinking about this and crying. I’m not ok. I had some gabapentin there that was prescribed for something else that I took the last few days to sleep. We’re home again now so I took my gabapentin and one of my last few clonazepam so hopefully I can stop thinking about this and sleep.

Therapy isn’t until Wednesday. If I stay busy enough I can kind of put it aside, but the nights are the worst. I don’t know how to be ok until Wednesday. Thank god I stashed meds to try to help me get through this.

It hurt so bad. I was good though and stayed really still like I was supposed to. I did good. That should be enough. I shouldn’t be hyperventilating just thinking about it.

My doctor doesn’t scare me like this, I don’t know why they won’t let him take the next set of pictures as “proof of cure”. He’s competent and won’t make me go through that unmedicated. Or with just ibuprofen.

I told my husband that I don’t think I can do this again. I just don’t know what to do.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry @piratelady . That sounds hugely traumatic.

I recently had a smear where I didn't know what she was going to do and she did some odd things to me. For me it was the 'not knowing' what was going to happen, and being totally out of control about my body, specifically that area. And also it hurt me too. And then also it triggered some other stuff.

Maybe it was the not knowing? Not being in control? The pain? All things that might represent too much of trauma?

If you decide you do want to go through this procedure again, can you set some ground rules? Like getting them to tell you what is going to happen, and talking you through the whole thing again when they are doing it, and agreeing that if you say stop they will immediately, and then decide with you if that is a temporary stop (i.e. a break), or a total stop (i.e. you get dressed and go home)?

This is where medical professionals just don't think about the impact. I really don't get why they don't. It should be automatic that they check in and say what they are doing, particularly with an invasive and private procedure with the one you went through.

 

[Sideways]

I'll be honest, the first read through your post, I had to put it aside because it was a hard read. Please be super gentle with yourself for a while, because that was something devastating and traumatic to go through.

I have absolutely no idea about the need for these practices, or the need for them to be done the way they are. But if I could wrap you up in a soft blanket and hand you a cup of tea, and a towel to have a good cry on, I absolutely would.

I'm so sorry.

 

[piratelady]

Maybe it was the not knowing? Not being in control? The pain? All things that might represent too much of trauma?

I think it was all of it. I can’t figure out how to really put it away for the time being, or get passed it. During the day, I do ok because I can stay really busy and not think about it. Night time though…. It’s just filled with panic attacks and I am struggling to cope. I’m sure once I talk through it in therapy, it will be a bit more manageable, but that’s not until Wednesday.

agreeing that if you say stop they will immediately,

Part of the problem with that, for me, is I have a hard time saying stop. I tend to just quietly comply.

I have absolutely no idea about the need for these practices, or the need for them to be done the way they are.

I don’t understand it either. I mean, knowing it hurts, they should manage the pain. Or the anxiety. I sent an email to my ivf nurse and admitted I have ptsd and she didn’t even acknowledge that I said something.

When my normal doctor and I discuss removing the polyp I’m going to try to talk to him and see if he has ideas on if/how I can move forward since he seems to have more empathy than anyone else.