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Surprise Party - Wasn't in The Frame of Mind For a Party

Discussion in 'General' started by canucklady, Dec 4, 2006.

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  1. canucklady

    canucklady Active Member

    It was my b-day yesterday. My bf decided to throw a surprise party for me. I haven't been doing so good lately, and I have told him all week I didn't want anything. I wasn't up for putting on a "happy" face. I thought he understood and he knows I get anxious around people.

    He planned the party anyway. I walked in, they all jumped out and yelled surprise. My dear friends, jumped out, when they know how scared and jumpy I have been!!!!! They said this was different, it was a "good" type of scaring a person. Well my brain doesn't get the difference between that, took me all night to stop shaking.

    I tried my best to put on a "happy" face. Had to retreat to bedroom a few times to break down, then go back out and put happy face on. I know I should be appreciative. They went through alot of trouble.

    Just feel like I wasn't listened to by my bf or bestfriend. They know I am not good in groups right now. Its like they were saying I didn't know what I wanted and they knew better.

    Am I wrong to be so upset. I am lucky to have great friends and such, but all my friends know for the past month all I can handle is very short visits one on one. I don't have energy to do more right now.

    Sorry, I know I should be grateful I got a party. And I am. I guess, just wished I could be normal and have fun at my own party.
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  3. Josh77

    Josh77 Active Member

    first of all, Happy B-Day! i can understand how you feel. i'm so nervous and jumpy that i flinch when someone around me makes too sudden of a movement b/c it's still my instinct; i think they are going to hit me.
    Anyway, don't feel ungrateful; you told them how you felt and they didn't listen. I'm sure you're grateful, and i don't think that you should feel bad about not feeling up to a party. you DID convey your wishes to your bf!! That's just my opinion. i know how hard it is to put on a "happy face" and fake your way through certain events. i, too, have had similiar circumstances where i had to act "happy" or "normal"...
    Hang in there!
  4. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

    CL. don't feel bad about it. You told them how you felt about it. I'm jumpy all the time and have been for about 20 years. Sit your B/F down and tell him how you felt about it before and after. Your appericiate the fact they were doing it because they care about you but you would'nt give a lollypop to someone with a tooth ache because it was a sweet thing to do. You first everyone else after.
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    You are not wrong for being upset. I mean if they all know this and it is common knowledge about how you feel, I think it was selfish on their part to put you through that so they can pretend you are just fine. You told them how you felt and they should have respected that. I would be a bit pissed off. But you were able to come out and put on a happy face, I would have likely locked myself in my room and told everyone where to get off.

    A lot of you here display an amazing amount of restraint when it comes to other adults. And you are normal, normal for you CL. You don't have to be like everyone else, just be the best you! And next time I would say a nice and quiet candle lit dinner if he asks that kind of stuff again, at least you won't have the begebbers scared out of you and it keeps his hands busy!

    Favorite thing my grandma always said to me... Idle hands are the devil's tools. Basically if I was kept busy I wasn't going to be doing anything she thought I should not LOL.

    Happy birthday, and I hope you are feeling better.
  6. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    you're not wrong to be upset, but remember, they DON"T get it! i would talk to them one at a time, as you have contact with them, and explain AGAIN that something that would just startle them a little is a hundred times worse for you. if that doesn't work, hire somebody to scare the bejeebers out them!
  7. canucklady

    canucklady Active Member

    thank you all so much for reading this and understanding. my bf doesn't get why although I appreciate what they did, it bothers me. I just have to accept the fact that unless you have depression/anxiety/PTSD, you just don't "get it".

    Veiled, I did retreat to the bedroom every so often to just breathe and read the forum. I even thought about just hiding in there and see how long it took them to notice I was missing. But then, I decided to just get through it like I usually do, grin and bear it.

    Some friends who know me well enough, know they went to far and have apoligized today. They figured a "good" surprise or scare wouldn't affect me. I just can't seem to get across how supersensitive I am to any kind of noise/movement/people jumping out at me in the dark!!!
  8. sibemom

    sibemom Active Member

    Happy belated Birthday. I understand about the party. BOY DO I UNDERSTAND.
  9. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member


    WOW...I can so appreciate how you're feeling. I HATE surprises, both good and bad. Nothing puts me in a foul mood than a surprise. Therapist says it's because, as a kid who was abused until the age of 22, every day was a surprise for me and my brain associates surprises with negativity.

    Yeah, a surprise party would send me over the edge. I would've probably broke down crying right then and there and spoiled everything.

    Maybe you could get your boyfriend here to read some of the posts? Or print out some of them for him to read. Yes, if they don't have it they can't relate, but with some education, they can begin to.

    I bet this will be the last time you get a surprise party...LOL.
  10. erryyn

    erryyn Member

    Many years ago, I was sixteen when someone threw me a surprise b-day party, even though I told people I hated surprises (I never explained why). Like you said, they all jumped out, yelled, etc. and I had that automatic defensive thing going on.

    Then I got really, really mad and probably didn't do well in hiding it. I pretty much left way too early, was rude, etc. and very angry and at them for too long. But there were people there and I 'panicked'.

    So, I had a very similar reaction.
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