DID Suspected DID thinking about changing jobs - help me weight pros and cons

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
Hi, any input is welcome.
I have had 2 psychologists suggest that I have DID. I have parts that come out and take over, no black-outs anymore. Psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD and I was super ill for a long time.
I am in therapy, not a specialist but I am making progress.
Symptoms: Sleep issues: parts coming out (not at work), exhausted, crying spells that just happen all of a sudden, constant stress, sometimes I collapse on the floor for exhaustion, not able to take care of my hygiene or home or eating, drinking water (this is on and off), I am constantly scared. The more stressed I am at work, the shittier I sleep. I work from home and only work a few hours of the hours I am supposed to do, since I am symptomatic.

I just got laid off and landed a new job. It is simple for IT but the crew is good, it is a consultancy agency. I am having a job offer to work for the government with a high profile IT project, being a test leader. The job will not mean more money, but more challenging work, a very good manager and perhaps a good team. I know that people have burned out in the project.
I am really bored at my new job, that is why I am thinking about changing. If I was well it would have been a no-brainer but I suspect that I might be burning out, but I am not sure.

What I experience at work is that I am constantly scared. Always. Scared of being shit, of being fired and then having to find a job that I don't want. I am soon 41 so I have a long journey ahead of me.

I will be in therapy for at least another year I think. I don't have a doctor/psychiatrist to consult.

If I stay I am scared that I will be super bored - the healthy me wants to change. If I factor in my illness - I might become really ill if I change jobs. I am not sure how much stress I can handle. If I was healthy I would jump to the new job, no hesitation.

Everyday is a struggle, but it has always been like that.

I have been talking to a lot of people about this. I am scared to become ill and scared to be fired again from the agency.

How bad are the symptoms? Any suggestions on what to do?
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
l feel sad if I have to turn down a job that could be fun just because I have mental issues

@Wendell_R if you feel that you have energy, I could use your thoughts on this. It is very much ok if you don't
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Can you speak with your new job about your mental health and get support from them about it?

Sounds as though things are tough outside work, but work is a place you manage well?

Change is tough though. It's a risk. Change can be wonderful. It can be unsettling. Learning a new job takes energy and resilience, it's very tiring. What strategies can you put in place to help all that?
 

Waterbear

Confident
Personally I am in a less stressful job because it is better for me. Like you said, I don't think about work outside of work. I go in, I do my job and I come home. Then I can get out and enjoy life and I can do the things that I like to do and that I know are good for me. If that is what you want too, then I think what Teasel suggested is what I too would suggest. Take the time for your mental health. It's ok to not be in a good place and it's fantastic that you are thinking about you here! Career isn't everything, but then, boredom can be harmful, so definitely try to find ways to overcome that element of your current job if you can. Maybe take on a project that you can work on at your own pace, if that is possible. So the times you feel good and bored you can work on it, the times you are struggling, you can shelve it. You have control then. But change can also be good too, and a new job can be inspiring :)
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
What I experience at work is that I am constantly scared. Always. Scared of being shit, of being fired and then having to find a job that I don't want. I am soon 41 so I have a long journey ahead of me.
So, this may not help, but I have felt like this in every job I've had, except for one. I think this is because I've been triggered by the management I worked with.
I might become really ill if I change jobs. I am not sure how much stress I can handle. If I was healthy I would jump to the new job, no hesitation.
I told myself this repeatedly, and I ended up staying in jobs that were killing me until very recently (I'm 60 now). I regret every minute not moving on earlier.
How bad are the symptoms? Any suggestions on what to do?
Well, one of the things I've learned about boredom is that it can exacerbate the symptoms. I'm wondering what kinds of things you are doing to help with the symptoms. Do you take anything for sleep? Are you able to communicate with your insiders/parts? I had one that used to cry nearly all night long...it was awful. I asked her why she was crying, and she said she was scared. So, I worked on finding things that comforted her. At night - for a time - it was a tape of our therapist's voice.
l feel sad if I have to turn down a job that could be fun just because I have mental issues
If you honestly think it would be fun, I wouldn't let the DID stand in the way of accepting the job. Chances are, less boredom and less stress will help to improve your symptoms. Yes, it's a change. But change is not always bad.

And I would be super careful about discussing mental health issues with your work, esp. a new job. Some can be supportive, but some will use it against you.
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks for all the input ❤️

I think I am narrowing down more and more what I need in order for the new job to work. And if it doesn't get met, I don't think it is the right place anyway.

I need to have time to process conflicts and unrealistic demands at work time, not just run mindlessly. I need to work with testautomation to stay relevant. And I need to have other people doing the operative work.

I feel that my future manager has been avoiding answering about the expectations of me doing operative work.

In order to make good plans I need to collaborate with others to get good input. And if they don't have time, I can't do much.
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
I haven't fully decided yet, but I think I will stay.

I am talking to people that confirm that my state is close to burnout and also one person that says that having a boring job isn't the end of the world. I took a burnout test and I scored 26, where 19 is the cutoff.

If I turn it down I will have to grieve a lot of things, the sorrow of having to let go of this is opportunity is a reminder of the many things my mental illness has made harder or deprived me of.

When I stay I have to work on my fears in my work life, such as getting laid off, not being in control and working too fast. All from the base of fear. I will look into my emotions and deal with them.

I wish I was well enough to take on challenges. I wish I was well enough to enjoy challenges.l

I am grateful that I have everything I need to heal.
 

HealingMama

Sponsor
Hi, any input is welcome.
I have had 2 psychologists suggest that I have DID. I have parts that come out and take over, no black-outs anymore. Psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD and I was super ill for a long time.
I am in therapy, not a specialist but I am making progress.
Symptoms: Sleep issues: parts coming out (not at work), exhausted, crying spells that just happen all of a sudden, constant stress, sometimes I collapse on the floor for exhaustion, not able to take care of my hygiene or home or eating, drinking water (this is on and off), I am constantly scared. The more stressed I am at work, the shittier I sleep. I work from home and only work a few hours of the hours I am supposed to do, since I am symptomatic.

I just got laid off and landed a new job. It is simple for IT but the crew is good, it is a consultancy agency. I am having a job offer to work for the government with a high profile IT project, being a test leader. The job will not mean more money, but more challenging work, a very good manager and perhaps a good team. I know that people have burned out in the project.
I am really bored at my new job, that is why I am thinking about changing. If I was well it would have been a no-brainer but I suspect that I might be burning out, but I am not sure.

What I experience at work is that I am constantly scared. Always. Scared of being shit, of being fired and then having to find a job that I don't want. I am soon 41 so I have a long journey ahead of me.

I will be in therapy for at least another year I think. I don't have a doctor/psychiatrist to consult.

If I stay I am scared that I will be super bored - the healthy me wants to change. If I factor in my illness - I might become really ill if I change jobs. I am not sure how much stress I can handle. If I was healthy I would jump to the new job, no hesitation.

Everyday is a struggle, but it has always been like that.

I have been talking to a lot of people about this. I am scared to become ill and scared to be fired again from the agency.

How bad are the symptoms? Any suggestions on what to do?
One thought that I have is if you get the government job, if you work through a probationary period are you then "unfireable" the way it works for some gov work? If so that is something to consider, it would mean you just have to get your system to settle until you pass that probationary period then it would reduce the stress over messing up and getting fired.

If it's not that kind of job then keeping the less stressful one and maybe volunteering for new projects that feel more exciting/creative could scratch that itch for you.
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
One thought that I have is if you get the government job, if you work through a probationary period are you then "unfireable" the way it works for some gov work? If so that is something to consider, it would mean you just have to get your system to settle until you pass that probationary period then it would reduce the stress over messing up and getting fired.

If it's not that kind of job then keeping the less stressful one and maybe volunteering for new projects that feel more exciting/creative could scratch that itch for you.
Yes, it is an unfirable job from day 1.

I will be fairly honest with how I feel with my potentially new manager and see how it goes.
 
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