sustainable vs. not


I've been taking in depth looks at all my relationships lately.

What are some signs or truths, that a relationship is or might be sustainable in the future


obvious signs (things you learned) -- red flags -- that it might be time to distance yourself or change the relationship entirely

any type of relationship

I'd love any input! thanks <3

No More

I’d say if a relationship is a one way street, all giving or all taking? Sure fire sign of a red flag.
Someone popping up only when they want something/convenient to them, again a problem.

All my best friendships/relationships have been built on mutual respect. There’s no competition between us. Each simply cheerleading the other on and doing their best to give/take equal amounts. My best friends are all also super reliable, there’s no making up dramas and bitching, we just get on.


Across the board? Nada.

As what’s best for one person will be the worst for another person, and vice versa.

Scraping the bottom of the barrel?

Pedophiles reoffend, full stop.
Other brands of crazy have various recidivism rates.


I avoid anyone who self identifies as a pacifist, full stop. As I’ve never known more violent abusers, plural, than those who discount & justify their rage & violence as NOT rage/violence.

And 10,000 other things, that are full on personal preference. That I might adore whilst you might hate.


Non-consensual violence. Time to end the relationship. No flags. No warnings. They’re done. I personally can’t and won’t tolerate that.

A relationship that is consistently and persistently distressing is one I need to distance myself from. That’s a lot harder to identify, and very often requires help and insight from others before I’ll be honest with myself about it.

For me, beyond that? There isn’t a checklist for relationships - humans are way too complex. Things that upset me in one person may be a non-issue for me in a different relationship.

If you think about yourself on your worst day, your behaviour towards others is potentially full of ‘red flags’. And yet, our best relationships survive those days, precisely because of our ability to understand the complexity and nuance of humans.


Somewhat related, but I created a list of relationship musts. I’m almost up to 30, and sadly, just one of them will wipe out the majority of men (it’s a definite must, non-negotiable). I’m still adjusting to the reality that I will be alone for life.

But in general, communication is key for me. There are others, such as a balanced relationship that isn’t one sided.