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T asked me questions about trauma and I couldn’t talk

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Rab87

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Seeking advice and suggestions about talking with t. I had mentioned something in my second to last appt which she wanted to talk about this week. When I thought about how to answer, I quickly got upset and my mind shutdown. All I could do was sit there feeling almost panicked and lost for words. The only thing I could say was I don’t want to talk about it. She asked me why and I said it made me too upset. I don’t even remember the questions. Then when she asked me questions about my abuser I felt that it was easier to answer until I blanked again. I’m not trying to be stubborn, but how can I talk to her? I don’t let myself think about it and trying to remember enough to tell her scared me. I cannot do it alone. She told me the things we don’t want to talk about are usually the most important and it would upset me less if I did. What can I do?
 
She told me the things we don’t want to talk about are usually the most important and it would upset me less if I did.
is she a trauma therapist? Because that’s not usually the way it works with trauma. The opposite, talking about it usually makes people feel worse... as in up to and including suicide, level of “worse”. Massive symptom spikes when dealing with trauma, are very very normal / expected with PTSD. It’s not a “you’ll feel better by talking about it” kind of disorder. Which is why the most difficult things to talk abot usually have a helluva LOT of prep / coping mechanisms/ skills/ stability in place before talking about them.
 
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@Rab87 My T gave me homework last visit (yesterday). I remember the conversation, that it had something to do with checking with parts of self about something or other. I remember walking away and knowing I was to try this before next appt....I had no recollection of what I was to check in about....like someone went in and erased the most important part of the conversation. I recall saying no problem to the assignment. I'm assuming my inability to recall is likely a part of me shutting that process down. I did email....sheepishly, and ask for the assignment and she told me via email today. I think sometimes, when things are hard.....a protective part comes out with a magical eraser and goes poof.....no problem.....no homework....stressors gone.....all is good! It doesn't work much differently in therapy......too uncomfortable....time to shut down, and I get the message...time to go....grab jacket, pay bill.....done here today. Totally get it!
 
On the “you’re not alone” train with you! I’ve been working on my stuff for quite a while now - think 4 years. I had a session yesterday where before I went I had connected with my T that there was a piece from my past that I wanted to try to work on. Try being the operative word.

It’s so incredibly easy for us to get self critical about how our brain decides to resolve a stress response - like shut down, which is entirely adaptive in many life threatening circumstances. Don’t get me wrong....I struggle with this LOADS!

There’s the:
- you’re not trying hard enough
- stop being difficult
- you can’t get better if you refuse to talk
- why can’t I form a sentence, what’s wrong with me?
Blah blah blah I’m sure you know :banghead:

I don’t know what exactly will work for you or anyone else in this regard, you’re not alone....for me? I keep going, keep trying to connect, talk. When I can’t? I know I’ll try again next time.

I hope your T is a good fit and that you’ll find the comfort to be able to find the words when your brain is doing its best to protect you.
 
This is just par for the course. This happens ALL the time for me. I just check out. Dissociate. My T knows the signs. She’s so well versed on not only trauma and dissociation but my specific clues that I’m about the dissociate (I guess something about my eyes, but I don’t know what it is) and she pulls me back in and changes the subject and understands I’m not ready to talk while staying present. If you can’t stay present with if, you won’t benefit from “talking.” Your brain is protecting you. When you’re in fight/flight/freeze, the verbal part of your brain is not online. It’s not your fault and you’re not doing it on purpose. Your T needs to find other ways to talk around it and help you regulate your nervous system first.
 
Yep. I'm all about dissociating and I'm notorious for changing the subject in the middle of her questions.
I've even lost my voice -- as in can't say a word -- when we've hit some stuff. The first time it happened I totally freaked out. Because I couldn't say anything.

I agree with @Friday that trauma isn't a "talk and get over it" thing. Trying to push too hard or talk to much at the beginning, without coping skills, may make it worse.
 
My T let me lead the sessions. I set my boundaries about what and what not to talk about. My experience is that they don't ask or push beyond this, never initiated me to talk about my trauma, or anything related to that.

To me it feels as if the T works with and alongside me whilst I determine the pace, and content with their guidance. This also means that they slow me down if I move too fast. I usually indicate when I (start to) disassociate or a panic attack sets in. They regularly remind me that it is a difficult and slow process that requires a lot of patience.

It's very hard to talk, but the T's approach works for me.
 
My T let me lead the sessions. I set my boundaries about what and what not to talk about. My experience is that they don't ask or push beyond this, never initiated me to talk about my trauma, or anything related to that.

To me it feels as if the T works with and alongside me whilst I determine the pace, and content with their guidance. This also means that they slow me down if I move too fast. I usually indicate when I (start to) disassociate or a panic attack sets in. They regularly remind me that it is a difficult and slow process that requires a lot of patience.

It's very hard to talk, but the T's approach works for me.

My last T let me lead the experience.....but didn't make short term goals...or nobody knew where anybody was going including me.... ...so I spent a lot of time paying my copay to stay dissociated. This T doesn't let that happen....you are right.....the pace is really important and being grounded while talking is super important, too.
 
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