Taking a long hard look inside myself

[Dolphin Lady]

It is very difficult to get to the bottom of the pain and sadness in my heart, and I have tried so hard. People tell me just to allow myself to feel it but I cant seem to do this? I dont know how and when I try I become frustrated and angry with myself for failing to find what is hurting.
I have leaned to breathe and relax when the sadness is intense and this can release a tear or two but its the deep, deep stuff thats hard to reach that is the problem.I am worried that if I really go there, I wont be able to stop the pain and sadness from ever stopping... If I could "allow" myself to really connect with my pain and work out what it is then maybe I can discover how to heal the wound? I wonder if anyone can help?

 

[Abstract]

Do you feel you struggle to identify your emotions or do you feel that you are suppressing those emotions and can't access them? Have you done DBT work on identifying emotions via the physical sensations that accompany them? I also think trying to force any sort of emotional state or avoidance of any emotional state usually falls flat very quickly. Emotions just don't work that way.

 

[Dolphin Lady]

I think both to a degree? I always find it difficult to identify what I am feeling, or if I do identify them, then I try to supress it and distract myself with doing something else. I am not sure why I do this? I think it may be linked to how I was brought up, to not show my emotions, or always to be "cheered" up by a family member when I cried, was sad, unhappy, lonely etc, not allowed to simply express my sadness and especially not anger.... I therefore now find it really hard to allow myself to feel the emotions. I am getting a bit better but I have a long way to go and I am not sure how to do this?

 

[Rani G2]

Hello DolphinLady,

People tell me just to allow myself to feel it but I cant seem to do this? I dont know how and when I try I become frustrated

The “allowing to feel“ needs to be dosed in a careful tolerable manner with long term therapeutic guidance.

If I could "allow" myself to really connect with my pain and work out what it is then maybe I can discover how to heal the wound?

The human psyche can be seen as a highly developed securitynetwork, chronic trauma splits our sense of self/identity, creates strategies to somehow survive in a reality thats unbearable and too overwhelming. In order to live we create different kinds of protective systems, so to outsmart
these interconnected systems we need trauma therapy that gives us the keys to slowly open the doors. By opening them we might face unbearable pain so the process is to mainly stabalize and then finding a healthy path to process those emotions.

 

[Abstract]

Three things helped me previously. The DBT work I mentioned before with the addition of Miller Mood Mapping, working on my dissociation with mindfulness etc. and very importantly obsessively diarising my daily experiences and feelings. It took years for me I'm afraid but changed my life. I really wasn't able to protect myself in situations as realised emotions direct actions - when we understand them and take them into account. Tricky of course is separating emotions coming from the past rather than the present situation. I would write what happened and then list the feelings related. I realised early on that something wasn't right when the feelings I thought I felt just didn't make sense in context. Then I would be sitting with this mixture of a jungle of intense horrible unidentifiable emotions and painful numbness.

 

[void]

@Dolphin Lady

I suspect that the number of ppl on this site that could relate deeply to what you are experiencing is VERY high.
I certainly do.

You are not alone.:hug:

 

[void]

@Dolphin Lady and other readers (re: @Abstract 's post)

Mood Mapping

https://www.slideshare.net/nbairstow/mood-mapping-10815364 slide 3 of 6

Dr. Liz Miller

https://vimeo.com/71776733
https://vimeo.com/71776733
May this help even one person.:hug:

 

[Abstract]

Thank you @void for following through for me. :)

 

[void]

My pleasure @Abstract :happy:

Be well:happy:

 

[Tinyflame]

@void , I couldn't see the video terribly well, but may I ask is the take-away the goal of defeating exhaustion/ increasing energy, combined with healthy, positive thinking? Because I remember ages ago wondering if hypervigilance contributes to anxiety and depression, which by this model it would, in so far as it sucks out/ uses up energy, (obviously doesn't involve the best of thoughts), and with higher energy remaining still would lead to anxiety, or drained lead to depression.

? :confused:

 

[void]

@Junebug
I think you are spot on!

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @void :hug::hug::hug::hug: