Talk or don't talk... that's the question

[LilyRose]

I've been working on being honest with people about how i feel.... i was doing oke with very limited people. But i am noticing that they can't handle it either. They don't know what to say or do and then are worried i might act on my feelings even if i don't say anything about wanting or doing something stupid.
Now i am not sure what to do... should i shut up again and tell nobody? Or keep talking but knowing they can't do shit about it? I would never hold anyone else responsible for what i do no matter what state i'm in... only i can do something about it and only i am responsible for it. So why should i keep hurting others with letting them worry and not being able to understand or do anything. I feel guilty about it. I know how it is on the other side of it.
I am scared of myself.

 

[RussellSue]

I have been through this, myself - a lot, actually because I can't seem to figure out the best way to handle it, either. The best I have been able to figure out is to do my utmost to surround myself with those I can be honest with and be careful with those that I am pretty sure I can't be honest with without a major upheaval. I feel like I am on a tightrope with a lot of people. Those people, who tend to be mostly family, I am very careful to choose my battles with. Nevertheless, there is definite room for improvement in my process.

 

[LilyRose]

I don't talk to family or friends about it at all. But i was learning to talk to professionals... people who are there to help me. But what if i can't? I am not sure i can do this on my own... any kind of bad news or setbacks and i'm spiraling out of control.

 

[bird_on_a_wire]

Idk, I don't usually look like it on the outside, it is on the in(side). Whoever said 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' wasn't referring to me, that I know.

Idk the answer. sometimes words don't come, or the space between how I feel or am and actually saying it, or feeling like there's any point to saying it, or even how to say it, or why to say it, feels like a canyon.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Ronin]

Hi,

Sorry you're having difficulties.

I'd talk to people who *can* be helpful, but talk. Don't hold in states that could claim your life. Your life matters, you are valuable, and cherished.

And you are hurt and hurting, *not* hurting others by talking. :)

 

[PandaPower]

I wish I knew :)
This is a very lonely journey, but forums like this one, and reading the experiences of everyone here makes it more beautiful because it feels like while we're here at least we can stop pretending that shit doesnt suck or that it's easy.
For myself, I like being around people who share the harder things, even if I don't actually know how to respond.

 

[LilyRose]

Thanks but i think i am hurting them. I don't want to do it... but there isn't alot to say or do to stop it. Even by myself.
Crisis situation is a word that has it been called a few times now the last few weeks and i am scared they'll lock me up.
It doesn't feel like crisis to me i have not lost my marbles yet. I think...
I am confused though about who could help me.... the people i got now who are there to help... don't know how to handle it. They want to know for real and i trust them with it but....

 

[bird_on_a_wire]

the people.. who are there to help... don't know how to handle it.

What makes you feel that way?

 

[Mach123]

So this is a hard place to be in and I know it. I say go the professional route and take your chances. There’s always a chance it won’t go the way you want, but you are in a tough place. I tend to see us as survivors. The professional people, it’s their job to help you. I was calling crisis intervention always, suicide hotlines and my doctors. I was close to being sectioned , that’s what they call it here, by my family.

The doctors and nurses and counsellors are still people, so it’s hard to deal with. They are there to help though, I hope you can take advantage of it and feel better.

Keep reaching out and don’t worry about it. When you are stable enough, you’ll be able to deal with the rest. Keep talking.

 

[Friday]

Thanks but i think i am hurting them.

If they’re professionals? That’s part of their job.

It’s like...

...would you not go to a doctor when you’re sick, because if you died it would make them sad? Of course not. Even though patient deaths break their hearts, it’s part of the job. It’s something they train for. Something they have a lot of experience dealing with. Something that they build support networks around.

...would you not call the police if someone broke into your house? Because the person breaking in is dangerous, they might get hurt! Or they might come to late and be angry and frustrated and sad rhat they weren’t there in time. Of course not. It’s part of the job. Something they train for. Something they have a lot of experience dealing with. Something they build support networks around.

Sure. The training/experience/coping mechanisms therapists, doctors, and cops all use look different. A lot depends on the person themselves, as well as the field they’ve chosen. But that’s their choice. Not yours/mine, or even their colleagues and bosses, although their peers weigh in -loudly!- when someone isn’t doing what “should” be done (meeting with their own therapist, going to the gym, meeting for a beer, whatever).

Therapists aren’t friends/family that you have to protect from being hurt. They’re professionals. This is their job. Let them do it.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I've been working on being honest with people about how i feel.... i was doing oke with very limited people. But i am noticing that they can't handle it either. They don't know what to say or do and then are worried i might act on my feelings even if i don't say anything about wanting or doing something stupid.
Now i am not sure what to do... should i shut up again and tell nobody? Or keep talking but knowing they can't do shit about it? I would never hold anyone else responsible for what i do no matter what state i'm in... only i can do something about it and only i am responsible for it. So why should i keep hurting others with letting them worry and not being able to understand or do anything. I feel guilty about it. I know how it is on the other side of it.
I am scared of myself.

If you are scared of yourself, then people who care probably are scared for you-even paid professionals......While you are right, if you do yourself harm, they can't be held responsible....but I just think it comes down to those people around you who care, they will feel responsible if you hurt yourself. Guilt is a good thing.....that you care about their guilt.....even better. When people really love you and care.....they can't imagine you not in their world. Professionals are there to hear the hard stuff.....and help you come up with a plan to make life worth living.

You are also right....you are responsible.....so consider a plan for changing, living.....let them in and accept their help....

 

[LilyRose]

What makes you feel that way?

Because they don't know what to do or to say so they'll just worry.

@Friday yeah you got me there..... that makes sense.
Thing is, the person i am talking about, is a professional, but not in that area, she helps me with tbi stuff.. she is helping me sort things out though. we talked and she wants me to continue talking about it even though she can't do a lot. She doesn't want to call a crisis team because it could harm our "relationship" (trust). (She would if really really needed i guess)

they will feel responsible if you hurt yourself.

That's what i meant and i know the feeling. I don't want that for them.

They want to make a plan with me yes. But what i am afraid of... if nothing changes, this isn't a life i want to keep living. it's hell and i want out. I prefer the good way out though... getting a bit better, at least being able to do the basics of life on my own and stay calm and happy. But i am not sure it will go that way.