• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Talked With My Mom About Some Past Traumas

Status
Not open for further replies.

Iam

MyPTSD Pro
Well, I have to say that I had a very good week with my mom. She stopped drinking while I was visiting. She and I talked about the therapy I am going thru as well as a few of the specifics of things that happened. I told her that I was raped at 7 years old. She was shocked. Turned out that she was raped by a neighbor at 7 years old too. How weird is that? I feel like I understand her drinking so much more now. At least she was willing to talk about some things as compared to my dad who just totally cut me off and wouldn't discuss anything.

My stepdad told me he wished I didn't have to go home. That my mom does so much better when I am there. I told him that if I was there all the time she would be drinking all the time. She sobers up to be with me the few times a year we get together.

He told me how she got so drunk around Mother's Day that she passed out at a neighbors house. They called an ambulance and took her to emergency. She apparently peed all over the floor several times. The nurse told my stepdad that if she did it again he could clean it up. He was so humiliated. His telling me that brought back horrible feelings, not so much memories....just a clutching in my chest.

She did get that venomous look on her face a few times. It was aimed at my stepdad but still freaked me out a little bit. I am lucky that for the most part she doesn't direct her anger at me any more. She knows that I will walk away from her.

It's sad that I always have to keep my guard up, waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I love my mom. It was nice to build some more good memories with her. The next time she rips into me I hope I can remember that!
 
I'm glad you could talk to your mom about past traumas. I hope it helped you some.

I'm also glad you seem to be ok. I was afraid the visit would just bring you down.
 
I'm glad you survived the visit. It's hard to care about someone, but have to keep your guard up around them, too.
 
Thanks you guys ;o) I am thankful for the trip. It was good. Turns out I am going back the 3rd week in August. Taking my girlfriend with me that seriously needs a break and taking my two oldest granddaughters! My husband is probably going to be mad that I'm taking another week off but hey...I deserve it!
 
Seems great you could talk to your mom about your trauma.

Sorry about her problem with alchohol. My dad alcoholic too. Sounds like a constructive visit, especially since it seems you're being very realistic about your mom in total.

Your description of her facial expression -that venemous look - reminds me how even in silence, my family could harm me. Amazing, isn't it?

Congratualtions Iam, sounds like really good work. Best wishes on your return visit.
 
Yes it was James....I know that she loves me and really does the best that she can. Her being a PTSD sufferer too doesn't make it ok for her to do the things she does when she's drunk, but at least I understand it more now. I feel lucky not to have become the bitter person she is. I wish for her that she wasn't. I do think talking about the traumas (not the ones she inflicted on me) helps her a bit too.

It hurts that my dad won't even discuss this stuff with me. He supposedly has worked thru all of it and doesn't feel he should be pulled back down. At least that is what he said when my brother tried to talk things out with him. It's too bad, because it can be healing for both involved.

My middle son and I had a long discussion when I was helping him move to another state. We drove down to CA together, just the two of us. We talked and cried together all the way down. It was such a healing time for both of us. I had to come to terms with how I had hurt him and ask for his forgiveness and he did the same. How lucky I am to have a son like that ;o)
 
Iam, that is an amzing thing you described on your dirve to CA with your son.

It is lucky, the experience you had stikes me as being really special, really beautiful and profound even. Sounds like a deep bond was formed, and that is just so wonderful.

Sometimes maybe healing wounds makes the strongest human bond of all? Am really happy to hear this happened for you - thanks so much for sharing.
 
It is lucky, the experience you had stikes me as being really special, really beautiful and profound even. Sounds like a deep bond was formed, and that is just so wonderful.

Sometimes maybe healing wounds makes the strongest human bond of all? Am really happy to hear this happened for you - thanks so much for sharing.

Wow James....you don't have any idea what just happened to me from reading what you wrote. You see I have been struggling with God for 8 years regarding my breaking down when this same son went awry his 8th grade and freshman year. Going from a football player that the coach wanted on Varisty his freshman year to a drug and alcohol addict, cutting school daily, involved with the wrong kids (obviously). One of which shoot our front window out with a bb gun one night, while my husband was lying on the couch in front of that window. Oh man....it just occurred to me that was a trigger for my breakdown, along with him getting his GF pregnant and her having an abortion.

Anyway what you said:
"It is lucky, the experience you had stikes me as being really special, really beautiful and profound even. Sounds like a deep bond was formed, and that is just so wonderful. Sometimes maybe healing wounds makes the strongest human bond of all?".

Anyway what you said:
"It is lucky, the experience you had stikes me as being really special, really beautiful and profound even. Sounds like a deep bond was formed, and that is just so wonderful. Sometimes maybe healing wounds makes the strongest human bond of all?".[/QUOTE]
I realized that maybe this will be true of my relationship with God. This whole David Seamands' "Healing of Memories" is exactly what Tommy and I did on that drive to California. 10 ours of opening up, listening to each other finally asking for and being washed in forgiveness.

I think maybe I can now actually go thru prayer with my T for the "Healing of Memories"! We need to prepare more but...I really think I want it now.

Let me explain further. It has been a good 1 1/2 weeks. I've been on vacation, but spending adequate time on introspection. At least until the last 2 days when I have spent hours on here, reading my Seamand's book and scripture.

I also have felt bad about some things. Anger, guilt, manipulated, afraid and dirty.

This evening we went to our middle son's house (Tommy, the same as above, married with 3 girls). Our oldest and youngest sons were there too as well as a couple from Tommy's work. His friends had baked some MJ cookies. They were offered to us when we got there and we declined. After a glass of wine I decided I wanted to and ate 2 of them. WHY WOULD I DO THAT? My husband did too. I have to admit that we laughed a lot. I also had to go lie down and went thru a paranoid period too.

I felt so guilty. I am working so hard to overcome this crap and the self destructive things I do. Here I am doing it again. I will feel so embarrassed to tell my T on Tuesday. The good thing?......I can see satan attacking me and.......I am TIRED OF RUNNING FROM GOD...

An email that I received last night from an online christian friend I met on facebook also has helped with this. What she said was so totally Right on, almost verbatium, what my T and I have been working on. I mean eerily so. It is cool!

I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me but now I have hope.

THANK YOU James!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top