Talking to police again

macbeth

MyPTSD Pro
It's been 14 years since I last spoke to police about my ex and back then it was in regards to my then 4 year old being molested by him. We went through with the interview but there wasn't enough to charge him. We put it behind us as best we could and got on with it. Fast forward and out of the blue a few months ago a detective called me asking about my daughter saying her case had crossed her desk and if she was interested in making a statement again. It was a shock for both of us. She agreed to meet her so we went in. My daughter said she will be willing to give a formal statement on one condition, that I make one first in regards to the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of this man. To say I felt thrown under a bus is an understatement. I've never been able to talk about this fully with anyone let alone the police. I feel that I need to and want to but all those feelings are coming back now that have been dormant for so long. Im facing my past that I thought id left behind but now I feel like I'm back to square 1. Im a bit of a mess.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Wow. That is big news. Can totally imagine it has stirred up so much. Sending healing and calming vibes.
Do you have a T or someone trustworthy to talk to about this? If you decide to go ahead with it, can someone go with you?
 

macbeth

MyPTSD Pro
I have a support worker who could go with me but I don't want anyone with me. I'm an intensely private person. All the fear I felt when I first left him has all come back. I have PTSD from an abusive marriage. I'm struggling with potentially seeing him again etc.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I can understand all that. This is intensely private. And thinking about talking about all that, to the police no less, must take you right back there.
I'm sorry you are having those feelings.
I had those feelings last week. I looked up an abuser online (he is now successful and all over the internet), and it sent me right 'back there'. I felt totally powerless, insignificant, weak etc etc etc. So much so I started to doubt myself again just seeing a photo of him stole my voice again. Horrible. (And this is with knowing I *can't* go to the police). However, since then: I've told myself I'm not 'back there'. I challenged my thoughts and gave more positive ones to them. Like, I'm stronger now. I'm me now. He can't hurt me now. And it has really really shifted something. Amazingly. I feel a bit different now. Better. So something positive came out of something destructive.
Maybe that might work for you?
Maybe, however painful and horrible this process might be, maybe it will ultimately help you (and your child)?.

Would having more information about how the police can support you and your child help?
I don't know where you live, but in the UK there would be no reason for you to see him. There are all sorts of protective measures to put in place to ensure you don't see him and that you feel as safe as possible.
 

macbeth

MyPTSD Pro
I live in Australia. Im not so much worried about seeing him at court. Im more concerned with him turning up on my door step which happened last time he was charged. I have a life long order against him but he ignores them. I just hope he doesn't.
 

pam4him

Confident
First, breathe. It sounds like you're safe now, so it's not exactly square 1, more like square 3 maybe. Second, you've already taken the biggest step of going in. And you're daughter sounds really smart, and I don't think she was trying to throw you under any bus, but perhaps free you. Maybe she realizes you're still dealing with some effects of his actions, even if you think you've stuffed them away. Consider asking the detective for a referral to a crisis center that can offer counseling as you and your daughter travel this journey. You have each other to lean on for strength and comfort. Prayers for peace, wisdom and strength for you both.
 
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