Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
I am moving out to a state in the west at the end of 2020 or beginning of 2021, and recently visited to make sure I liked it. I fell in love. It's beautiful, the weather is perfect, it's expensive but not more than where I lived for college (and honestly where I live now...is also very expensive), and the air is clean, the nature is just....I'm going to cry thinking about it. I swam in the ocean, saw the mountains. It was so nice. And the people I will be living with are supportive, caring, and respect me and my identity. I came back home last week, and since then I've been getting progressively more depressed living with my parents.
They aren't how they used to be, which was downright abusive, but they're just so dysfunctional. They need therapy, desperately. And it's a stressful situation too, because they have to sell our house and move to a southern state soon (a seriously bad state for this pandemic, too). So I have to move with them, although I'm thinking of ways I can just stay here while they move, which I told them about and they weren't happy. They don't respect my identity that well, like they try but it's just constantly painful to me. And they told me "no more big news" so I can't tell them how much they're hurting me. I think it would push them over the ledge and I'd rather them be not abusive than me being hurt by their lack of respect.
I have a countdown on my phone til I move, and that's helping, but I feel so depressed and down. I don't feel any emotions other than anxiety and numbness. I can't feel anything, and that scares me. I don't get enjoyment from anything. I just feel totally empty here. I want to go back.
They aren't how they used to be, which was downright abusive, but they're just so dysfunctional. They need therapy, desperately. And it's a stressful situation too, because they have to sell our house and move to a southern state soon (a seriously bad state for this pandemic, too). So I have to move with them, although I'm thinking of ways I can just stay here while they move, which I told them about and they weren't happy. They don't respect my identity that well, like they try but it's just constantly painful to me. And they told me "no more big news" so I can't tell them how much they're hurting me. I think it would push them over the ledge and I'd rather them be not abusive than me being hurt by their lack of respect.
I have a countdown on my phone til I move, and that's helping, but I feel so depressed and down. I don't feel any emotions other than anxiety and numbness. I can't feel anything, and that scares me. I don't get enjoyment from anything. I just feel totally empty here. I want to go back.