Teasel's Diary

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Gathered some points people made on my post how to deal with RSD in autistic / adhd groups. Most people said it was the worst thing they faced and didn't know how to handle it any better. One lady said she arranged her life to minimise it, working for self, not seeing people etc.

I already wait before reacting, been doing that for years. Distraction early on defo helps me sometimes. I'm a hell of a lot better at self compassion than I used to be. I'm always reminding myself to be kind to me. It's how I sign off my morning pages and meditation.

~ Waiting before reacting, learning that you can reduce the painful reaction if you train yourself to remember that you struggle with RSD, and that the painful feelings will calm down in the coming days, and that it's best not to react until you've calmed down. Will lose less friendships that way, upset less people.
~ Distraction early on. I've noticed that if I distract myself with something mundane, something guaranteed not to be an upsetting topic, then I can sometimes calm down really quickly. This works best when caught early, and not so well when I'm already desperately upset. Talking to someone about what I saw on TV last, or what I ate for breakfast works well. Or I used to use the duolingo app. Something that gets you into rational brain, not emotion brain
~ Worse when down / isolated. It's worse when you are down or have less social support? So mh and social support would be mitigating factors
~ Self compassion over self castigation, during and afterwards.
~ Having others around you understand it. Having other's around me witness my upset and not understand it is so incredibly awful. It's better if I can get away and deal with the emotion on my own. But if other's understand what is happening or just react in a kind way, it does help.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Triggered. Not triggered. "Activated" something. My nightmare has always been having my life be like my Mums. Terror of that. I have these reactions, part rsd, part terror for the future. For sure got something to do with being different and rejected and living decades with an autistic man who doesn't want friends. And I read recently Autistic people find repeatedly they don't really make it to be considered friends by other people that is my experience as I get older and it terrifies me. I don't know how to be ok with an expectation of terrifying isolation.
 

Friday

Moderator
Autistic people find repeatedly they don't really make it to be considered friends by other people that is my experience as I get older and it terrifies me. I don't know how to be ok with an expectation of terrifying isolation.
Does it help to know that’s the overwhelming experience of most people?

One major difference is that neurotypical people tend to make (and lose) series of friends (university friends, young working single friends, married couple friends, parent friends, work friends, retirement friends)… but at each life-stage a tremendous amount of effort goes into attempting to acquire a new social circle, and many people simply are not up to the task, either at various stages of their life, or after a certain point in their lives.

It’s not strange or bizarre to be on the lookout for people to bring into your life. That’s what most people have to do, who don’t have a circle built into their lives for them. (Places of worship, enormous family, etc.)

People on the spectrum tend to see the end result (people with social circles) and miss the intervening steps that creates those circles as life circumstance changes.. and the grief, stress, loneliness, etc. that people moving in between those stages feel as they lose yet another group of people to life changing.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks, I can't say I find it helpful no, though I've no doubt there's some skew whiff stuff going on in my brain. CBT has been helpful for some of that. I'm sure there's plenty more could do with being figured out. I could do with a class for late diagnosed audhders.

I've realised that when I meet people I really like I do tend to think the liking is 2 way a lot more than is the case.

I think it's not only in my head though about autistics tending to be lonelier than neurotypicals.
 

Friday

Moderator
I think it's not only in my head though about autistics tending to be lonelier than neurotypicals.
For sure.

My experience with Autistics is limited to LFA (my family, 2yo in a 40yo body = full time residential care beginning sometime during teenage years = every new birth we’re holding our breath for babies who meow like a cat); and the extremely social Tech, Cartography, Mathmatics, Anthropology, Music, and Drama HFA types. You can’t swing a cat in the PacNW without hitting at least 3 Aspies. In no small part because the local culture is highly supportive. So people flock to the region. And marry. And have kids. And demand schools support those kids the ways they weren’t. With 7 & 8 figure salaries that back up that insistence. With lawyers. Which mean even more people move to the region. So most of my own social circles in this region have been about 1/3 HFA/Aspie. Which leads to to a very predictable bias.
 
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