Teasel's Diary


Support worker visited. Sobbed after, I'm used to wanting to die after she comes. No phone signal so can't even call the samaritans.

Luckily I have an engrossing audiobook to get me through the next hour. Then I will have to find something else.

I have a prn if needed.

I know I tend to feel better in the days after she comes so should feel less desperate in a few days. Then she comes again.

I woukd like to ask her not to come, to email instead. But my last attempt to speak up for myself had no effect whatsoever.

I wish I had another engrossing audio book lined up.

I bought ingredients to cook before she came. Don't have spoons for cooking now tho. Not even to put it all away.

I did get the chilled stuff in the fridge before she arrived at least.


Not for me. I don't find it at all difficult to make an appointment.
For me the difficulty has been that what therapists offer did not work for me. Psychologists I get on better with than therapists. We'll see.


Initial brief chat with psychologist went ok. Got an assessment on the 17th. Prospective first appointment on the 31st.

Also rang a garage n booked the car in to be checked out cause it makes a noise when I turn sharply and slowly.

Audio book ran out 13 minutes after I posted here yesterday saying I had an hour left on it. Found a couple more to try. Weren't as good at keeping my attention but they did a pretty good job at getting me through. Not hot a head full of thinking suicide is the only way out today.

Couldn't sleep till the early hours. Having issues sleeping most days again lately.

Dealing with people can be so exhausting. Just want to get in bed but I'll wait.


Art class was a lovely distraction. Grateful for it. We had to do Janus, mythological creature with 2 heads, something about transitions, looking forward and back. Ptsd brain had me thinking forward and back both ways see a nightmare, so we just did faces in blue and yellow lol.


Apart from art class am bit depressed. Made myself hoover, that's the achievement for today.