Teasel's Diary

[StillPen]

@Teasel l, hope you stay okay. I will miss you. Take care.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks both. Sunday I felt ok, ok enough to be able to do some catching up on housework. Was so grateful.

 

[StillPen]

Glad to see you back. Is your break over or are you just checking in? Either way, good to see your post.

 

[Wendell_R]

Hope you are feeling better. Hugs and care.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks both 💗

Is your break over or are you just checking in?

Thanks @StillPen Yes I never intended to leave for good, when I feel that desperate withdrawing feels safer. Something like that. It's nice to be back :)

Hugs and care.

I so appreciate it @Wendell_R always do.

 

[Teasel]

Had assessment with the psychologist yesterday. It's never fun listing out all your shit is it. But glad it's done. He's going to work mostly in ACT with other bits n pieces. He said he saw my issues as being developmental trauma, mentioned 3 areas in particular to work on, attachment stuff, social communication, and I forget the other one, it began with A.

He sent a 30 page pdf on developmental trauma, which was really aimed at parents / carers of traumatised children but had some useful info. It also said developmental trauma can be healed in relationships with good enough others. Which I've known for 30 years, it usually makes me cry to read it because I don't have good enough others.

Had art class this morning. Feeling heavy and slowed down and a bit low just now. No.spoons really. I've come to wetherspoons so they can make my lunch for me.

Looked into buying a book on developmental trauma. Might ask here for suggestions.

It did come to mind @Wendell_R maybe it would be useful to do some of what you do, with kind of imagining safe others..

 

[Wendell_R]

Hi, @Teasel. I'm wondering what you can do with your artwork as well? Yes, imagining safe others has been very healing for me. That continues even as we make progress. Another nice thing is that if you have the internal safe & supportive places & people, that takes the pressure off your friendships, and you can learn to make friends at a slower and safer pace.

 

[Freddyt]

Had assessment with the psychologist yesterday. It's never fun listing out all your shit is it.

No it sure as hell isn't. Always makes me feel even more messed up than I am. Had plenty of that while applying for support. Letters listing it all out. Thankfully memory issues help with not remembering the full list.......

 

[Teasel]

Thank you @Wendell_R & @Freddyt

Support worker visited and I desperately don't want to be here.

It's so incredibly painful.

Will reply properly when I'm able to.

 

[Movingforward10]

That support worker. I'm sorry it's still so hard with her.

 

[StillPen]

Hugs, T.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Movingforward10 & @StillPen Happy to say am a good deal better. It quite frightened me how desperate I felt and I couldn't face another week desperately distracting myself or else sobbing so drove myself elsewhere, figuring a change of scene would do me good. It so did. I've had enough spoons to research which car I'll buy next - my car has something wrong with it, but the garage doesn't know what and it might cost more than is worth spending.

Researching is an autistic thing that I can do fairly obsessively, sometimes to an uncomfortable extent - uncomfortable because my working memory is poor nowadays. But anyway, researching which car yo buy, even with a poor working memory, is fantastic compared to unbearable emotional pain.

Hi, @Teasel. I'm wondering what you can do with your artwork as well? Yes, imagining safe others has been very healing for me. That continues even as we make progress. Another nice thing is that if you have the internal safe & supportive places & people, that takes the pressure off your friendships, and you can learn to make friends at a slower and safer pace.

Yes, I would really love to do art relating to my mental health. Very much indeed. I hadn't thought of using it by way of reparenting kind of thing, it sounds a lovely thing to do, really personal.

I remember one time coming across a painting by a mental health patient, it was a painting of a nurse with a really caring look on her face, saying everything is going to be ok. Lovely it was.

No it sure as hell isn't. Always makes me feel even more messed up than I am. Had plenty of that while applying for support. Letters listing it all out. Thankfully memory issues help with not remembering the full list......

Yes, defo gets you down hey. And agreed, it's good forgetting it again.