Teasel's Diary

[Teasel]

A couple very relevant parts are my intense reactions to stress, particularly in this case to any stressful interactions with other people, to having someone in my home, to not being able to immediately get away and self soothe when something makes me weep, also being borderline terrified of landlords / benefit officers / anyone with power over me, my money or my home.

 

[Movingforward10]

One of the issues with the support worker is that nothing I say about difficulties I'm having makes any difference. There's no point me trying to explain anything to someone who doesn't want to listen.

Having someone not listen when you're taking the time to explain, (and that is their job!) , Is a horrible position to be out in. How can you exercise your power and agency when they are shutting that down? So it is understandable it is triggering reactions.
Sorry I don't have words of advice, but just acknowledging your experience.

 

[Teasel]

Thank you @Movingforward10 appreciate it.

Seeing if I can blurt out a bit of this at a time.

I get the impression they think I am lying in an attempt to stay there longer, I am not.

She has reacted to me as if I am just saying stuff to upset her, I am not.

She says she is going to do something, then doesn't do it, then says she thought I would do it.

When I asked if we could email instead of talk face to face, and she could still come check the flat if need be, she said yes, but then said she had to come every other week anyway and that she will ring next day.

I don't process verbal communication as quickly as nt people, especially if there is any stress. A phone call is not any easier than a face to face in my home, except in that at least she is not in my home.

 

[Teasel]

Tears bring scorn and coldness. Stony silence

 

[Teasel]

The first month at the refuge was ok. Then started being bullied / ostracised. It hot worse n worse. So I would stay away from there more and more. The top boss kept pressurising the refuge manager (who was lovely) to make me stay in the refuge more. Acting like I was staying away for sneaky reasons instead of because I couldn't take the stress, my mood was so very low and I battled suicidal ideation and not being able to function.

 

[Teasel]

Had an evening of feeling anxious and vulnerable for having posted here. Just now reading some articles about autistic exoerience was so soothing.

50 Ways Society Gaslights and Stonewalls Autistic People

Autistic people, adults and children, are infantilized, gaslighted, and manipulated regularly by society– individuals and institutions. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation tha…

neuroclastic.com

Someone mentioned reasonable adjustments, and I looked it up. It looks like it might apply to me in this situation.

Asking for reasonable adjustments

A guide to on what reasonable adjustments are, what adjustments have helped other autistic people, and how to ask for adjustments you might need.

www.autism.org.uk

I still don't know what to do though. It's still true that none of my verbal nor written attempts to discuss very serious difficulties I've been having have helped at all.

 

[Teasel]

I am asking the universe to help me learn how to cope with this awful situation. I want to be able to keep my dignity through this. I want to not let her get under my skin so very much. I want to figure out how I can live a good life, not just figure out how to tolerate an unbearable one.

 

[Teasel]

I feel so sad. I wish I could have somewhere to live that wasn't desperately distressing.

 

[Teasel]

Everyone I've reached out to for help either won't help or passes me onto someone else who won't help. I've learned quickly to not give this support wanker any of myself. I say a little as possible, turn down any offers of "help" to get away from her as quickly as possible.

I wonder if talking to a GP or MP is worth a try. But that might make things even worse. And i don't know if I could take the devastation if that didn't help either

 

[Teasel]

Someone mentioned citizens advice

 

[Teasel]

Feeling shame about posting here again.

 

[Freddyt]

Feeling shame about posting here again.

There is no shame Teasel.......