Teasel's Diary


If you write it to harsh one, I would include someone else in it too. I don't trust harsh one to a) tell anyone else what you wrote to discuss it with them, b) hear you, c) treat it with the level of respect and depth it needs.

Suppose the options are:
1) just one of the three
2) a combination of two of the three
3) all three of them


Can't decide do I write a note to the kind one, or do I email the harsh one or the harsh supervisor.
Like @Freddyt I would probably start with the kind one. I doubt she’ll be in a position to say ‘ok, you can have me!’ (Unfortunately!) But she may be able to help you navigate the system there - and hopefully get some kind of change for you (ideally a different support worker)

I don’t know where you are or exactly what kind of service this is and how it works (and I’m obviously not asking you to disclose any of those things!) But it seems like a reasonable request to me to ask for a change. If a client accessing the service is struggling with it, not getting on/feeling safe with the support worker they’ve been assigned and the visits and contacts are actually making them feel worse, it seems like a no brainer to me that they would change things up and, if they have requested a different support worker, that you would look to see what might be possible.

I’m sure all these services are very stretched, and likely under-staffed. But it makes no sense to me that you have expressed to them the difficulties you are having with the service/your support worker, but they still keep sending her round, knowing she impacts you so negatively. I know me saying I’m baffled by these things doesn’t really help you or your situation - I just want to reiterate that it’s a reasonable request to ask for something to change if it’s not working for you (and especially if it’s actually harmful to your well-being)


I don't have any means of contacting the nice one. I could possibly ask one if the other residents who work with her. Spoke to some of them today and they said the nice one pushes them constantly too.

And I had been thinking of going to a mental health meet that I knew she would be attending on Friday, but hadn't managed to figure out what to say. And it occurred to me that it might bring more trouble my way earlier than necessary. I found myself wanting the peace and quiet of no contact with any of them until I had to have it Wednesday/ Thursday.

Good question @Friday
I'm not managing yo come up with an answer, or maybe just can't figure out the right answer.

Maybe I can just word salad out the answers that come to mind, even though they might not be the right answer.

Where do you want to spend your energy, and why?

On functioning - attending to my needs - because I feel better when I'm able to do this

And a bit of energy spent on more than just basic functioning - doing something I love
because I feel better when I'm able to do this

And a bit of energy on the things I need to do to get myself to a life situation I can tolerate.
Because that seems like a good idea for me for a tolerable future

That's what comes to mind.

I have had the thought occasionally, which I still think is valid - of not wanting to waste energy fighting these people.

All of the above have though become impossibly difficult because of the "support"

I remember a couple times in my past, when in receipt of similarly bonkers and harmful support, deciding it was tome to get off that particular fairground ride and find my own way much more effectively.
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Strong urge to bury my head in the sand. Don't really know what to do or how to do it or how to figure out what to do. Feel trapped and frightened.


Strong urge to bury my head in the sand. Don't really know what to do or how to do it or how to figure out what to do. Feel trapped and frightened.
It’s a curious thing, amirite?

Burying one’s head in the sand is the definition of being trapped… but it also feels like to solution to being trapped.

Patience & kindness.

Strength in your own self.


Yes, thanks @Friday

I thought of something I actually would like. The eating or the making of in order to be eating - Mercimek, restaurant style lentil soup

It's been really hard to want anything other than total distraction so it feels like a big leap. I'm aiming to get some mercimek.

Have made myself sit down to do morning pages too. The last time I did them was new year's eve.


Dreadful day again. Over the worst of the tears by now I think.

Can't seem to make myself say things, feels too like much.
Teasel: Will you think of me. My husband was in the ER for a sore throat. He has myasthenia Gravis. All the muscles in his body break down. The infection made it impossible to swallow, even water, and he could not talk. His lungs failed and he is on life support at U of A. I am doing well but we both broke down and cried with each other. They woke him up for half the day So he could write me a little. I am grateful for all I have been through, like you, 40 years ago. And grateful for the restoration of having a healthy enduring relationship where we think more of each other than of ourselves. That is 34 years ago. But it took going through a violent short marriage and realizing I do not know how to choose a healthy man. It took a lot of hard work. I relate to your emotions. But I finally met a man where the lights did not go off across a crowded room. But I used my head and saw what a kind honorable person is. A person who is still the nicest person I ever met. The romance certainly came but it was not the criteria for healthy relationship. Though our orientation may be different ,regardless, learning skills at discerning people and choosing healthy people takes work. But all the tools are available to anyone. Please think of me and the strength I need to face one day at a time. You please do the same. Life is the journey. Don’t look too quickly for the end.