Tell my boyfriend about this site ?

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
My boyfriend started therapy recently and it seems likely he has PTSD. I suspect he is going to need support as he starts his journey. This site has been so helpful to me and I thought about telling him about it.

It might be awkward though, if we are both users. I have talked about him in my diary. I don't think I've said anything bad about him. Just a lot of insecurity on my part. But, I'm not sure I'd want him to read it? And I think in all relationships, people sometimes need to vent about their SO. So how would that work if we are both on here?

Has anyone navigated that before? Anyone have thoughts?
 
I can recall two or three couples who have been here at the same time. The reason I remember them is because it didn't go well.

I think it's admirable you want to share a resource that's helped you. But I also think if it doesn't work out, then neither of you will end up being able to use this resource. And I also think it's ok to be selfish if there's a chance of that happening.
 

Roland

Confident
Maybe you could tell him about it, but keep both accounts private, so you don't know who each other is? I'm not sure if it's possible as I assume you both know each other fairly well, so you know how each other writes, and what you'd be writing about.

**keep both accounts private from each other, like neither of you know who is who.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
You've written your diary here for you, and I wonder how much of that you want or need to share with him?

This is also an annoymous place. Some of the safety posting here is that no one knows us in real life. That would change for you. Are you 150% sure you would want that to change? (Agree it would be your partner who knows you irl, but even so......)

It's perfectly ok to have your boundaires and have this space.

Maybe he wouldn't want to come into this space as he respects your privacy?

Given the number of people with PTSD and the number of people on this site: clearly there are millions of people who navigate PTSD without this site. So it's ok for him not to want to use this site or for you to keep your privacy here.
 

Friday

Moderator
Has anyone navigated that before? Anyone have thoughts?

It almost never goes well. There’s very nearly always a blowup between members, very early on, and one (or more often both) people leave the site entirely.

What I would personally suggest is printing him off some of the more useful articles, posts, etc. That way he has hard copy to reference, without it becoming a dance personalities.

But that doesn’t mean that it’s never worked. Just that it’s rare.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
sharing therapy support networks with personal friends and family has yet to work for me. the anonymity counts for allot in my own comfort zone in opening up. i feel far freer to be open about intensely sensitive subjects when i know what i say won't follow me home, work, etc.

still, the added anonymity of the virtual world could make it easier to respect that anonymity with people i know personally.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
My boyfriend started therapy recently and it seems likely he has PTSD. I suspect he is going to need support as he starts his journey.
You may be right; but the trial and error an individual goes through, in trying and eventually finding support systems that work...that's a process that doesn't benefit from being circumvented. Helping him brainstorm about ideas for support, if he wants to have that conversation? That would be less about recommending an online peer-support site, and more about hearing out how he articulates what he's looking for.

In other words - I'd let him take the lead on this.

Also, sometimes everything can look like PTSD, to people who spend every day living with it. But until he's had a chance to work with the therapist a bit, start to unpack things....it's hard to know. I'd encourage you to wait and see.

As far as couples being on this site....same answer as others have said. It rarely goes well; that's usually because one or the other of them has suggested that they'd find the site beneficial, and so the partner who is trying it out hasn't really come to it organically, on their own. That's just another reason why the situation often melts down, eventually.
 

Friday

Moderator
Also, sometimes everything can look like PTSD, to people who spend every day living with it. But until he's had a chance to work with the therapist a bit, start to unpack things....it's hard to know. I'd encourage you to wait and see.
Very much this.

The vast majority of both my friends and the people I’ve dated have shared my brand of crazy. Fully diagnosed & dealing.

So that’s what I saw with my exHusband; what I expected to see.

Couldn’t have been more wrong. Trauma history? For sure. Childhood trauma up the wazoo. But his diagnosis was a personality disorder, not PTSD.

Waiting and seeing and allowing space for a description that surprises you? As well as what you expect? Is very wise.
 
P

Paula

My boyfriend started therapy recently and it seems likely he has PTSD. I suspect he is going to need support as he starts his journey. This site has been so helpful to me and I thought about telling him about it.

It might be awkward though, if we are both users. I have talked about him in my diary. I don't think I've said anything bad about him. Just a lot of insecurity on my part. But, I'm not sure I'd want him to read it? And I think in all relationships, people sometimes need to vent about their SO. So how would that work if we are both on here?

Has anyone navigated that before? Anyone have thoughts?
You diary is for you alone,unless you choose to share it. Your boyfriend wants to know because he is afraid of being judged. My suggestion is for them to find their own group to express themselves.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks everyone. Your responses were about what I suspect. I appreciate it.

What I would personally suggest is printing him off some of the more useful articles, posts, etc. That way he has hard copy to reference, without it becoming a dance personalities.

That's a good idea

In other words - I'd let him take the lead on this.

Also, sometimes everything can look like PTSD, to people who spend every day living with it. But until he's had a chance to work with the therapist a bit, start to unpack things....it's hard to know. I'd encourage you to wait and see.

Of course. To clarify, I've had suspicions but have kept an open mind. I had said nothing to him about what I suspected. The reason I brought this up here, now, is because a few sessions his T brought up the possibility of PTSD, and then the last session he had they finally talked about it and he took the screening. After he was telling me about it. He's cautious about bring things up. My stance with him is to say I'm hear to support/listen, but I always wait for him to bring things up. Hmm.. I'm sleep deprived, hopefully that makes sense.

You diary is for you alone,unless you choose to share it. Your boyfriend wants to know because he is afraid of being judged. My suggestion is for them to find their own group to express themselves.

I think you misunderstood my post. He hasn't asked and is super respectful of my privacy.
 
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