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Navigating PTSD Anniversary at New Job

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Eliza

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Hi all.

I started a new job 6 months ago, and I've been trying to be a "new me", and try not to dwell on my PTSD. However, the anniversary is looming, and last year it threw me into a complete spin. I want to tell my team, but I also don't want to dwell on it, as last time I opened up to a colleague at my last job, they spent months asking invasive questions and I found it incredibly triggering, and it just made the whole thing so much worse.

So basically, I have no idea what to do. Whether to just power through the anniversary and hope it doesn't throw me into a spin. Or explain that I might be a bit useless for a few days (I have booked leave on the day and day after), and hope nobody asks too many questions.

Any advice?
 
i would most likely muscle my way through. how much i tell of my ptsd yaddahs happens one on one. collectives, such as teams, seldom know what to do with such information and individuals are each unique. some i find easy to talk to, others not so much. questions, i reserve the right to leave unanswered. "that's private." is typically a polite evasion.

but that is me. . .
steadying support while you decide what is right for you.
 
Telling a whole team is a lot of people. You might be contending with a range of reactions just at an anniversary period.

If you need time off work because it's too much. You only need to tell your line manager. Not the team.

Otherwise, I would hold tight and just share as and when you need to.

Maybe there is a way of working through the anniversary period. Reclaiming it. Reframing it. It doesn't have to be like last year. It can be ok.
 
You have the right to medical privacy, as well as “personal reasons” in most countries.

Waiving your rights to both by self disclosure can put your employer in a very awkward position both legally & personally.

My suggestion would be to use the vague opt-out of self-disclosure (I need to take a few sick days / personal days) that doesn’t put either of you in a potentially problematic situation… until you feel ready/able to meet with HR, Lawyers, and all of the rest of it if they go the official route & report your disclosure to their bosses; or dealing with everyone’s curiosity/interest/biases if they take your declaration as “This is now public knowledge.”
 
I've personally never found someone that understands trauma and PTSD unless they've been through it or have a family member going through it. My boss claimed she was pro mental health. Her son is autistic, and she wanted to be supportive. I didn't tell her much. She already knew a bit because my abuser was showing up and contacting my work. Turns out she's completely ignorant, and I no longer tell her anything. When she asks how I'm doing, "I'm fine."

I agree with @Friday about the legal issues if you tell your employer. Once you tell them, you can't un-tell them, and you're stuck with whatever outcome happens.
 
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I had a similar experience 20 years ago when this all started. There is no way I’d tell someone at work. I would tell a trusted friend who I work with. I would let a boss know that I needed a sick day. I would not say I had PTSD because you can’t take it back. Once you’ve said it you neither have control over who hears it going forward and you don’t know when/if it will be used in decisions regarding you.

I will say I know I may be the only one who feels this way and I have been encouraged by my T to maybe share some…not going to happen. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
 
All My manager knows is that I have therapy on Thursday afternoon so I finish work at 4pm that day.
Days when I struggle: I keep that to myself.

People are ignorant. About everything! When I was free lance, a company phoned me up to give me work complaining that the person who had done the work just died. They were annoyed the person hadn’t told them they were sick, and that they had been working whilst being in hospital (on their death bed), and now the company had the hassle of having to reallocate this man’s work. That was a huge shock and wake up call about how cruel and heartless people are. This poor man working on his death bed in hospital and this company is complaining.
And I heard about his personal story also, which I shouldn’t have.

so I agree with everyone else.

also, everyone has off days so if you are struggling you can just say it just a tough few days and that’s enough info (if anyone were to ask if you are ok).
 
i would most likely muscle my way through. how much i tell of my ptsd yaddahs happens one on one. collectives, such as teams, seldom know what to do with such information and individuals are each unique. some i find easy to talk to, others not so much. questions, i reserve the right to leave unanswered. "that's private." is typically a polite evasion.

but that is me. . .
steadying support while you decide what is right for you.
Thank you. Yes, I am definitely going to be more selective as to who I tell now. And also need to remind myself that “no” is a complete sentence if somebody asks me to talk about it.

Telling a whole team is a lot of people. You might be contending with a range of reactions just at an anniversary period.

If you need time off work because it's too much. You only need to tell your line manager. Not the team.

Otherwise, I would hold tight and just share as and when you need to.

Maybe there is a way of working through the anniversary period. Reclaiming it. Reframing it. It doesn't have to be like last year. It can be ok.
Thank you. I’ve booked the time off as annual leave at the moment, so didn’t need to give an explanation. But I think I might tell my manager in our next one to one, rather than waiting until I have a panic attack at work, or make a mess of something because I’m not focused for a few days.
I am certainly hoping it will be better than last year, Last year was the 5 year mark, so there was a survivors commemoration event and it turbo charged my survivor’s guilt by about 1000000! But this year I’m ready for that. There’s another event, but hopefully it won’t be such an overwhelming experience this time.

You have the right to medical privacy, as well as “personal reasons” in most countries.

Waiving your rights to both by self disclosure can put your employer in a very awkward position both legally & personally.

My suggestion would be to use the vague opt-out of self-disclosure (I need to take a few sick days / personal days) that doesn’t put either of you in a potentially problematic situation… until you feel ready/able to meet with HR, Lawyers, and all of the rest of it if they go the official route & report your disclosure to their bosses; or dealing with everyone’s curiosity/interest/biases if they take your declaration as “This is now public knowledge.”
I think the “public knowledge” thing is one of the biggest problems I had at my last job. Partly because I had disclosed it to people, and partly because of the nature of the PTSD (witnessing a terrorist attack), people sort of see it as a shared experience because it was all over the news, and I get a lot of, “Oh, I was in London a week before that” or “I was meant to be in London that day” as if it makes them even remotely understand. And it’s so difficult not to snap at them!

I've personally never found someone that understands trauma and PTSD unless they've been through it or have a family member going through it. My boss claimed she was pro mental health. Her son is autistic, and she wanted to be supportive. I didn't tell her much. She already knew a bit because my abuser was showing up and contacting my work. Turns out she's completely ignorant, and I no longer tell her anything. When she asks how I'm doing, "I'm fine."

I agree with @Friday about the legal issues if you tell your employer. Once you tell them, you can't un-tell them, and you're stuck with whatever outcome happens.

I think a lot of people & companies reckon they’re pro mental health, until it actually inconveniences them in the slightest. My old work were all “mental health awareness” when it meant putting up a poster about mindfulness. But when it came down to the nitty gritty, they had no idea and were worse than useless.

I had a similar experience 20 years ago when this all started. There is no way I’d tell someone at work. I would tell a trusted friend who I work with. I would let a boss know that I needed a sick day. I would not say I had PTSD because you can’t take it back. Once you’ve said it you neither have control over who hears it going forward and you don’t know when/if it will be used in decisions regarding you.

I will say I know I may be the only one who feels this way and I have been encouraged by my T to maybe share some…not going to happen. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Oh that sounds awful. From the replies here, it very much seems like you are not the only one who feels this way. I felt completely out of control of the situation once my old work heard the words PTSD. And then asked about a zillion invasive questions, and to begin with, seemed to act as if they didn’t believe me because I’d said it in a sick call. And it just made the whole situation a million times worse. So I’m going to tread a lot more carefully this time.

All My manager knows is that I have therapy on Thursday afternoon so I finish work at 4pm that day.
Days when I struggle: I keep that to myself.

People are ignorant. About everything! When I was free lance, a company phoned me up to give me work complaining that the person who had done the work just died. They were annoyed the person hadn’t told them they were sick, and that they had been working whilst being in hospital (on their death bed), and now the company had the hassle of having to reallocate this man’s work. That was a huge shock and wake up call about how cruel and heartless people are. This poor man working on his death bed in hospital and this company is complaining.
And I heard about his personal story also, which I shouldn’t have.

so I agree with everyone else.

also, everyone has off days so if you are struggling you can just say it just a tough few days and that’s enough info (if anyone were to ask if you are ok).
Oh my goodness! Yes, companies are incredibly heartless a lot of the time. And incredibly ignorant. I think, judging by a lot of the experiences on this thread, I’m going to keep the extent of my PTSD to myself, and just let them know that it’s a rough few days and leave it at that I think.
 
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