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Thanks to All in The Forum Giving me Confidence

Discussion in 'General' started by Rachealjane, Sep 14, 2006.

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  1. Rachealjane

    Rachealjane New Member

    Hi, again! thanks for giving me confidence. really, i dont experience people like you who are caring, understanding, patient! I moved from london last August and have been living in a beautifull country side place since, and i intend to stay. I really needed to get away, my daughter and i became trapped were we lived. we had no friends or family near by, we were really on our own and very vunerable. the worst thing was, every knew we were vunerable, not that i told everyone my business, quite the opposite, my daughters father done that! i use to keep myself to myself. But close neighbours could see we had no visitors.

    My daughters father is responsible for destroying a huge part of our lives. It is more destroying for my daughter as his bad bizare behaviour must have affected my daughter much more as i think this will stay with her for the rest of her life.

    I'm scarred to tell my story, because why all that happened to us was to do with drugs (i personally never take them or have been involved with them), and what i mean, is dealers also were responsible for destroying us. I'm scarred i may be recognised or someone may know my story. I have moved to start a new life.

    Although i told some of what happened to me, the local children were told to torment us and in return they got paid in some way. The parents got paid with free drugs, the local children got money.

    What i can never understand is that neighbours watched us suffering, hiding, avoiding them and continued for years. I was not in any position to move as my home did not belong to me but a housing association, i had to prove what i was going through before they agreed to find us another accomidation. It took 6 years after my vicious attack for them to believe me.

    My daughter suffered from the age of 6 up until she was 14 - a huge important part of her life. i feel guilt to a certain extent, because i allways ask the question - should i just have left my home sooner, but where would i have gone, i had no one to turn too. should i have lived rough until we were rehoused? but then how much would she have suffered then. Our home was a beautifull one, we had a house with a garden and big driveway, it was new when we got offered it. I could not believe my luck back then - i was so happy and could not believe it.

    Finally we have moved and we dont have the torment we had on a daily basis were we lived. that really has made a diffence to our lives greatly.

    ...The memories wont go. because there were so many involved tormenting us, i am stuck believing 9 out 10 people will do the same to us if they could.
    Its hard to explain, but my trust has gone in all people.

    I am lucky though, because for years, my doctor in London could not get me out of his office quick enough. he never listened to me, and when he did for a short while, he made me feel like a liar.

    My new doctor here is great. when i see him, he spends time with me and actually talks to me. you know when that is happening because when i used to talk to my doctor in London about how i was feeling, he would quickly go on to talk about what medication i need and guess what it was - yes........


    My new doctor spent more time talking to me in 4 visits that my last one done in a year, and was spot on to what i was suffering, as all the symtoms, he picked up on strait away, and within months he is getting the correct treatment. I often say to him that i dont understand the fact that i have been feeling this way for years, he tells me people sometime never get over a trauma, but just meeting someone who understands really helps! it is almost a slight cure!

    It's crazy, my doctor in London i went to the next day after my attack as police requested of me to witness the marks on my body - yet he was totally usless.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this.
    Racheal xxx
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  3. purdyamos

    purdyamos Active Member

    The human understanding and compassion of some doctors, way beyond their celebrated medical training, is prioceless. My GP is a fabulous support. Other doctors, consultants, docs in A & E etc, hit and miss. It makes all the difference. How ironic you escaped a life ruined by drugs, to be offered... just drugs!

    I hope sincerely that your new life in the country is a fresh start in every way. I susoect your daughter has her own scars, but you seem a genuine and caring mother. I wish you both all the best for the future.

  4. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

    Hi Rachealjane,
    You have had a tough life but look at where you are now...you sound like a whole different person. Today you are strong! and yes i see the confidence :) Looks like the puzzle is finally coming together... and you did it all on your own it seems. You should be very proud of yourself for taking such good care of yourself and your daughter. What about that? you dont mention anything about how you got yourself and your daughter out of a horrible situation that could have gone forever. Give yourself some credit for that!!
    Everything happens for a reason i belive and when you talk about
    As a mother, its normal to feel guilt.
    yes she suffered, and she may never forget all the things you both have been through, but you stayed together through the entire ordeal and thats whats important. You never left her side and she knows that. And you did everything you could for her and yourself and from the looks of it..you did the right thing.
    I understand the horror of having nightmares and just thinking back and remembering the terrible things that will always haunt you. But just know that you will never go through that again. You have started a new life, You are getting help now, you live somewhere where you are happy...it will get better with from here on out....it takes time, but you are headed in the right direction.

    Im just focusing on the future because theres not much to say about the horrible people you lived next door to, who saw whats was happening...and did nothing to help...the no good husband and father who did not know how to take care of his family...the doctor who never helped you...Im sorry you had such bad experiences with people...thats horrible! but you will come out on top. You are on the right track and i see you as a very strong person who has been through alot and never gave up. Thank You for sharing :)
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