Hey @Justmehere! Struggling with these Days as well. Mornings are mind hell for me. You might’ve tried putting on the grooviest song on and then crawling out? Sometimes I’ve got these oils I smell on.. or put on forehead. When I make it to the shower I Do warm and cold showers.. before all this, it feels like the world out there is just not Do-able.
((And a mom-ish moment ...brought to you from a family with weird tropical diseases, asthma, pneumonia, atelectasis, plugging, pleural effusions, bronchioleitis, et al // so we pester people about their pulse ox & puffer use... checked your spO2 lately? It varies by genetics and neurology, but in our house 94 = rage monster & 92 = pseudodepression. Above 89 is medically sound, and all, but the lower 90s are notorious for psych side effects.))
I just put my earbuds in, turn on some music or a favorite podcast, and move my feet out the door. I don't even *think* about it or overthink it really. I just move my feet and break it down in to simple tasks.
1. go brush my teeth
2. Put some clothes on
3. wash my face
4. put on socks and shoes
5. eat a bite
6. walk out the door and get in to my car
7. go to the park and walk and listen to podcast
Literally, I just simplify my thought process and don't globalize things. If all you do is get to 5, you still have accomplished something.
Oh I had no idea! My immunology doc was always saying eh, above 88 and you are fine... generally I can stay in the high 90s but during flares, of which I’ve had recently, I drop down. My new doc is more concerned and been helping get off meds with psych effects and get things under better control with tests and better meds. I tend to just buckle down and push through then wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Even knowing this effect is helpful.
This is helpful. I tend to shove myself out the door to make myself do stuff - life pressures to survive pull me to do so, but then I’m sitting in meetings and folks say I sound blah and sad and almost slow, unlike me.
I used to play a game on my phone for 5 minutes when I woke up and got out of bed as a dopamine reward. It was like a thing to make sure I never played more than 5 minutes. I don’t even want to do that.
This morning I got out the door and put my feet on a hiking trail not expecting to go far. My dog (who is sick but can walk the distance she chooses) perked up and we made it a half mile out and half mile back. Started crying at a stop light on the way there and back. Goodness.
Oh I had no idea! My immunology doc was always saying eh, above 88 and you are fine... generally I can stay in the high 90s but during flares, of which I’ve had recently, I drop down. My new doc is more concerned and been helping get off meds with psych effects and get things under better control with tests and better meds. I tend to just buckle down and push through then wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Even knowing this effect is helpful
Cha. One of the benefits of being inpatient at a children’s hospital for a couple years off&on... is that kids aren’t expected to just suck it up (feeling lousy) the way adults are, & there are a helluva lot of interventions in place for cardio/pulmonary kids in various states of distress due to their oxygen levels. Including just cranking up the liters, but some are already at capacity... and kids can’t take the same meds adults can without 2nd thought, so alternatives are used. A LOT of alternatives. Including everything from a Doggo or Football player visit to bump their feel-good chemicals/relieve stress, to packed red cells to deliver more oxygen.
It was mind blowing to then be in an adult hospital trying to convey that NO, I did not want a benzo, (not that I don’t like benzos, but there was an easy solution to the problem, rather than just the symptoms of the problem) I want my o2 liters turned up! When that was the FIRST thing they checked for when the cardio/pulmonary kids were distressed, sad, mad, dazed, etc.: Can we get their o2 saturation up to 98, even for just a little while to give their brain a break from working so hard? It just seemed to boggle the ICU floor doc & nurses, so they called the pulmonologist and he was just like “FFS... what do they teach you in school??? How long has she been hovering at 94? Of course she’s in a state.” And cranked the knob. But that’s the difference between Pulmonary & ICU. Intensive Care wants you alive, that’s their whole goal. Your state of mind? A very distant second. Because there’s haldol for that. ;)
Inheriting a loud and obnoxious chihuahua but not having a fence helped me. That is how my depression turned a corner. Poor little guy couldn't walk himself, nor be outside in the big world alone without risking being eaten by something. So, I would begrudgingly drag my ass out of bed to walk him - multiple times per day. Eventually it got easier and pretty soon I was able to will myself out of bed even when I didn't feel like it and even after he was gone. Prior to inheriting Duke, I would just lay there but he was very serious about getting outside and me rolling over 20 times had no effect on his enthusiasm, so I had little choice.
Any chance you can get a new pet soon?
Yes! Dogs are the best. :) I have a currently retired service dog that keeps me going. She’s sick, working out why, and can’t go for our usual long walks for the past few weeks. She had to take a whole month off a bit ago too. She’s improving, but we don’t know that she’ll be walking far in the future or not. She’s young to be struggling this much. More tests on Tuesday. She’s not really in service dog mode at the time. May not be again much. Vet said she could have many good years left of lots of long walks or be a dog that stays home and rests a lot more. We just don’t know yet. We go for drives though to do something she loves every day. Today it was to go sit at a park and put her feet in a creek. Her being sick probably has me down on top of other things. Depending on how she does over the coming months, I have thought about getting another dog that can walk with me but not sure about affording two dogs and fitting them in my tiny place... ah, this is the hard part of dog ownership.
But her sweet face and presence next to me at home keeps so many dark thoughts at bay.
Having sick people or animals in the house has always been hard on me, too. I would imagine that has a lot to do with how you are feeling - it always seems to put a dark cloud over things for me. I am sorry the two of you are having to go through this.