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Undiagnosed The aftermath of a narcissist.. just trying to make sense of it all.

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Survivor067

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The aftermath of a narcissist... was in a 5 year relationship with my ex. Physically, mentally, and sexually abusive. Everyday consisted of a constant anxiety of when he would snap next. It could have been as simple as not loading the dishwasher to his "expectation." Then I would be screamed at in a corner for hours at a time and told if I cried he would hurt me. Then he really started to hurt me besides the regular pushing and chocking. He began to beat my hands, butt, and thighs. He used spatulas, wooden spoons, and leather belts. I would be black and blue for weeks. No one knew. He threatened to kill me with a butcher knife above my head if I left. He raped me multiple times. I hated him... I would get in my car and scream at the top of my lungs because I was so angry. I never could retaliate because he would have killed me. There is so much more to this story. It's over now and it has been 4 years since I left. But it haunts me like a dark cloud over me every day of my life. I smile and go on but inside I'm still in shock. I still have nightmares and I still feel that sick feeling of anxiety whenever anything reminds me of that period of my life. I guess I'm just here to get this out.
 
Do you have the ability to find a therapist? I think that professional guidance could really help.

There are a number of survivors of narcissists here. You are not alone. :hug:
 
Welcome to the forums :)

I'm glad you survived, and I'm glad you're looking for support :)

There are most likely good therapists in your area. They can really help you learn how to recover and be well again
 
Welcome to the forum @Survivor067 !

My mother was a malignant narcissist, according to my therapist, she'd abuse me emotionally and physically. I found some great reading on a site called Out of the Fog. It covers all personalities disorders. I literally felt as if I was coming out of a fog when I severed ties with my mother and her "domain," my family of origin. Best step I ever made in my healing. Here's a direct link to Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its characteristics and traits which helped me understand what I lived with during my childhood and adulthood.

I agree with others here that seeing a therapist is an important step in healing.
 
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