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The excessive need for validation

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IamFree

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I hate it so much when I text someone and they don't text back. I feel in turmoil I just really want to hear from them. when they don't I am full of oh whats wrong with me. then I hate them for there invalidation of me. its so self centred because its not as though them getting back to me is going to add this huge value to there life. its really just so I can feel better about my self. its crazy
 
I think I’m time you won’t need that as much if you’re working through your issues. Is it just with texting or decisions and other things?

I’m awful at times when I’m swamped about forgetting to text people back. Sometimes I read it and forget to reply.
 
I think those feelings arrive in our minds and hearts when we've lived a life of never feeling heard or understood. A simple acknowledgement/response can make or break a mood/moment/thought pattern. When we don't receive what we need from others, we have to try to fill those voids ourselves. Tricky shit until we get the hang of it. Wishing you wellness and kindness in your pursuit of self-validation.
 
I hate it so much when I text someone and they don't text back. I feel in turmoil I just really want to hear from them. when they don't I am full of oh whats wrong with me. then I hate them for there invalidation of me. its so self centred because its not as though them getting back to me is going to add this huge value to there life. its really just so I can feel better about my self. its crazy

I wonder if you're not being too harsh on yourself for feeling self centered. We are social animals - we all literally need to connect with others as a basic survival instinct.
Anyone lucky enough to have reasonable self esteem/worth might not mind, or may, perhaps, be a little annoyed.. might assume, if it kept happening, that the recipient no longer wanted to be friends. They probably wouldn't criticise themselves.

I have a similar need for validation that my T has taught me can be headed of with CBT - being aware of all those thoughts that tell you it must be something that's wrong with you and cutting them off, stopping the critical inner monologue that makes you feel bad.. then even worse the next time a similar situation occurs.

Best wishes.
 
I wonder if you're not being too harsh on yourself for feeling self centered. We are social animals...
sometimes they text back sometimes they don't. This is the tricky thing I know I cant assume a non reply means outright rejection but then what is difficult is the uncertainty of things. this is when I can go into controlling mode and begin texting again and again fishing for reassurance sometimes even becoming provocative to manipulate them into replying. This kind of behaviour I know from expericnce makes rejection certain as they just think your a nutter or to needy.
 
Thanks for all your great advice. I am just setting an intention now to break this behavioural process of fishing for reassurance and jabbing for acknowledgment. The only good reason to text them back would be because we both like going to some music event but this is not until January, which is weeks away so would be innapropriate to go asking right now just because I want to hear back from them . if I was not to hear from them that time around I feel it would not be unreasonable of me to enquire if things are ok in a way that is not controlling or violating...in the meantime I could consider what exactly is it I want and expect from the relationship and is it realistic and appropriate.
 
I hate suspense. I hate being left hanging and when I do not get a text, I realize they have a good reason for not getting back with me yet. Then my mind tries to trouble me and what ifs pop into my mind. I have really had to work on this one. But if I am waiting to get a response back it is so much harder to wait patiently. I too fear abandonment and rejection. Yet texting is unique to each person I think. People have their own lives and are busy in their own worlds. Or their phone is in another room and they do not hear it. This has happened to me both texts and phone calls and unless I remember to check my phone I may not even get the message at all for a rather long time which I do tell the person when I finally am able to connect with them. I hope that this makes sense and helps.
 
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