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The group dynamic....

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Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
There is an old issue I need to adress again. Its the same Sh* just rewarmed.

I absolutely absolutely hate groups, gatherings, especially groups where there is a hierarchy, maybe in a less obvious way. There are those who are more articulate, stronger and those who are probably more introverted, less attention seeking. There again, I see a dynamic which triggers me. This again, is mostly my individual misconception of power and oppression.


This causes a behaviour when I act as if I dont need others attention or approval. (Wondering why I have no friends.....hmmm strange)

I say things very straightforwardly and usually in a sarcastic/cynical manner to show others I dont need to be liked

One example was being in a group and going out, when I sat down in a different table. saying “oh well....I need some free time“.

Now any “normal“ person would consider this to be strange, and seeing someone who is obviously “unsocial“.

The things is for me, there is this hard wired mechanism that I dont want to want the “liking“. Being this way I will ofcourse not be liked, so why worry?

Then again, if I ask myself what I want, then its usually “power“ be the one who is in charge? Really? What a f* up mind...
 
Maybe it is a f* up mind but it's for
good reason and I get it. I think you are being very hard on yourself. So you feel vulnerable in a group situation and you do things to try protect yourself from being at the mercy of those in the group. Pretty common and not-so-unnormal for sufferers.

I can only do group stuff that involves a common doing-focus and/or is a group of peers, generally.

I can't or at least don't feel comfortable enough, to do parent social stuff, even though I'm a parent, or just be social for the sake of it, unless I know the people super well and the only people I have recently started to do social group stuff with, are women I met in my peer support recovery choir or my peer support worker training. And that is after singing, and/or studying with them and knowing them very casually for 6 - 9 years.

Please go easy on yourself. I think you are pushing your self very hard.

Also it's a very human thing to want power.
So please don't judge yourself for that, it's a human thing, not even just a PTSD thing.
Us sufferers just often come from a cognitive distortion that distrust ourselves and our own desires, but really - humans covet power. It's survival and it's hardwired.

Wether we can really handle the responsibility that comes with power has to do with our maturity, self-and-other awareness, skill-set and integrity, but more often than not, power is a human desire.

And by power I guess I mean influence and status.
I have always removed myself from just about every group talk session or gathering, items to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Instead I do non verbal, creative writing or musical things to connect with people. I tend to only feel comfortable being with groups when I involve my creativity as a way to connect. its a way that feels safe for me.

Maybe exploring your sense of creativity could be a way for you to begin to build a sense of safety and connection and self confidence and self esteem within groups too?

I'm just suggesting that because that's basically, all I got. Other than that I'm pretty avoidy of all things group or social, myself.

I think it's a very common PTSD thing.

That's not the word I put in there. Maybe it was ' I tend to'.
I forget. My auto correct is a beeeeeep.
 
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Is it possible that you seek power and/or aloneness in order to feel in control of your situation? People are unpredictable and I know that when I am hypervigilent, I hate many of them.

My T talks a lot about control vs. doormat type personalities. She also says that you fall into different roles based on the relationship and who you are around. I was always an extrovert, but ptsd anxiety can make me not want to be in social settings. I start to fear what I used to find interesting. Not sure if your crowd behavior has always been a thing or if it is from your ptsd.
 
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Holding on to power, even when only perceived in our own mind, and even when it looks and/or feels unhealthy, seems to be one of the many ways we can attempt to combat the feelings of being left totally open and vulnerable, yet again.

It isn't always "pretty", but damn sure feels necessary to the traumatized nervous system. The thing I've found is that trying to hold onto that perceived power kept me from being able to like myself, too, and that seemed to work even harder at holding me back from liking others.

Once I was able to clear that hurdle, things smoothed out a bit. But backfired in the same respect, as now I can see just how much we've all been taught to mistreat and harm ourselves and call it "normal". Not sure exactly how I did it as I was stumbling through all the while trying various methods from this tool box of things I've acquired through the years, but grateful to finally have felt some shift happen in a kinder to self direction that helps to steady the flow of energies in all the other directions.

With that said, I continue to avoid most crowded spaces, unless it's some live music I really want to hear (at an outdoor venue only) or unless it's a workshop or instructional/healing gathering of some sort that really peaks my interest. Based on what I no longer choose to consume for the health of it, along with my heightened sensitivities to smells, sounds, and bullshit, there aren't too many places my energies feel comfortable hanging out in, or even attempting to.
 
So you feel vulnerable in a group situation and you do things to try protect yourself from being at the mercy of those in the group. Pretty common and not-so-unnormal for sufferers.

Thank you. Yes I think we all have our good reasons to behave the way we Do. In the long run they might not be healthy but right now thats how "I" and "We all" cope. We find different strategies to protect ourselves.

Thanks mumstheword!

Is it possible that you seek power and/or aloneness in order to feel in control of your situation?

Yes it has to Do with conteol as well TexCat. I dont like to feel like being a "follower" or a yes sayer. I can "appear" to be strong but deep down there is a small fragile child that is asking for this protection.

unpredictable and I know that when I am hypervigilent, I hate many of them.

Yes TexCat.....I understand you! Its really tough. Thanks for answering.
 
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I think what you are experiencing is a shield. It’s to protect you from getting hurt. You are putting a wall up so that no one can hurt you. I think that you might have the attitude, “I’ll f*ck them, before they can f*ck me”. Very normal for “some people” with PTSD, others go the other way and don’t know how to defend themselves so they just keep getting hurt over and over. No fault of their own, they just can figure out how to stop it yet.
 
You are putting a wall up so that no one can hurt you

Yes SheCat. This part though "I dont give a f*" tends to judge me if I act "apparently" weak, like if I apologize for certain things or be submissive. How can both sides go in hand rather than belittling myself for acting in a certain way.?
 
That’s all in your head. What you have decided makes you weak isn’t reality. It’s a wall that you’ve built to protect yourself, but you also push people away by doing it. Balance and trusting yourself and others is the key....
 
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