Dom Violence The Lighter Side Of DV

Friday

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Most of my trauma history involved other people... & all of that involved laughter. Dark humour? Certainly. Gallows humour? Definitely. If I’d have linked up with DV support groups when I left my exhusband maybe I’d have laughed with other parents/spouses about the brutal times, but I didn’t.
I didn’t qualify for the DV Shelters & Support Networks in my area, because being afraid of your partner was a no exceptions requirement. I remember being on the phone with a really frustrated intake worker where after they told me that they couldn’t help me, maybe couples counseling would be more up my alley... “So it doesn’t matter that he’s tried to kill me twice this week, 3 times this year including strangling me and fracturing my skull, after throwing me down a flight of stairs in a leg brace, from when he pushed me into 4 lanes of traffic with a speed limit of 40mph... and has put our son in the PICU at Children’s, and is not only breaking into our house himself with his stupid friends, but has listed our address online for random perverts and f*cksticks and psychoretards to vandalise and assault us at their goddamn leisure, so I’m sleeping on the stairs with a freaking shotgun...Because I’m not AFRAID of the bastard, you can’t help me???” <cough> Hence the “frustrated” intake worker. First for thinking I was being some whiner, and then for refusing to say I was afraid so they could intake my son & I, and do the whole protected exit out of state pronto thing. In retrospect I “should” have just said I was afraid. I wasn’t afraid. I was angry. And there was no way I could “pretend” to be afraid. For many reasons. One, I get hyper-honest under stress, and two, there was no way in hell I was giving the bastard that. He could TRY and scare me, but he didn’t. He disgusted me & infuriated me & shamed me & hurt me... but he didn’t frighten me.

So fairly out of the blue about a week ago I heard a comment that had me doubled over, wiping tears from my eyes, just LAUGHING about my f*cked up marriage.

“Why get married? Just find a woman you hate, and buy her a house.”

When I can laugh at a thing? No matter how hard it is, I know I’m going to be okay.

And I realized... this is the one part of my trauma history I was totally alone for. There was no one to laugh about the f*cked up shit, with.

There might not be anyone here wanting to laugh about those things with me... but I figured I might as well give a shout out. f*cked up bullshit, funny as f*ck. Welcome here.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Most of my trauma history involved other people... & all of that involved laughter. Dark humour? Certainly. Gallows humour? Definitely. If I’d have linked up with DV support groups when I left my exhusband maybe I’d have laughed with other parents/spouses about the brutal times, but I didn’t.
I didn’t qualify for the DV Shelters & Support Networks in my area, because being afraid of your partner was a no exceptions requirement. I remember being on the phone with a really frustrated intake worker where after they told me that they couldn’t help me, maybe couples counseling would be more up my alley... “So it doesn’t matter that he’s tried to kill me twice this week, 3 times this year including strangling me and fracturing my skull, after throwing me down a flight of stairs in a leg brace, from when he pushed me into 4 lanes of traffic with a speed limit of 40mph... and has put our son in the PICU at Children’s, and is not only breaking into our house himself with his stupid friends, but has listed our address online for random perverts and f*cksticks and psychoretards to vandalise and assault us at their goddamn leisure, so I’m sleeping on the stairs with a freaking shotgun...Because I’m not AFRAID of the bastard, you can’t help me???” <cough> Hence the “frustrated” intake worker. First for thinking I was being some whiner, and then for refusing to say I was afraid so they could intake my son & I, and do the whole protected exit out of state pronto thing. In retrospect I “should” have just said I was afraid. I wasn’t afraid. I was angry. And there was no way I could “pretend” to be afraid. For many reasons. One, I get hyper-honest under stress, and two, there was no way in hell I was giving the bastard that. He could TRY and scare me, but he didn’t. He disgusted me & infuriated me & shamed me & hurt me... but he didn’t frighten me.

So fairly out of the blue about a week ago I heard a comment that had me doubled over, wiping tears from my eyes, just LAUGHING about my f*cked up marriage.

“Why get married? Just find a woman you hate, and buy her a house.”

When I can laugh at a thing? No matter how hard it is, I know I’m going to be okay.

And I realized... this is the one part of my trauma history I was totally alone for. There was no one to laugh about the f*cked up shit, with.

There might not be anyone here wanting to laugh about those things with me... but I figured I might as well give a shout out. f*cked up bullshit, funny as f*ck. Welcome here.
Two men talking and one says, I’m getting married, and the other says why? The first replies, I’m tired of cooking, washing, sewing, cleaning and having sex by myself. The 2nd replies, that’s funny, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
I wanted to thank you personally for being upfront with your posts on so many threads concerning your life. This snippet thread of the violence that you and yours journeyed through (and may still be doing so - but hopefully not) is horrific. Full respect for the trek.

I understand the failure of our systems in place, as well as the daily mental regimen from DV but have not as of yet evolved into release by dark humor nor boards specifically for the DV. Other past/present situational violence can be problematic to discuss as well as it can fall under several titles as defense, in the line of duty, ect. Violence can rent a large mental space for free while absorbing one’s energy to run the application of being on guard.

However, what I really wanted to focus on for a moment again is thanking you for putting it out there. I wish your cards dealt bore a different hand but your honesty has often given permission to some of my words allowing a voice, while tossing out some of the past squatters in my head. Perhaps my dark humor concerning DV will progress as I submit some of my permissible ‘dark’ secrets with my T. Maybe this will help standing down...thank you.
 
I personally don't see DV as something that should be joked about, especially when it comes to my own experience, and I don't think I ever will. But I also have nothing against people dealing with their personal circumstances their own ways. If humor helps, well, I'm glad you found something that helps.
 
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