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The one thing i can't understand....

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Amethus, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. Amethus

    Amethus Member

    I have anxiety myself. But you might see it the first day I meet you or the third. I cannot hide it at all. My boyfriends PTSD on the other hand slowly came out. How is it that when a person with PTSD is dating you they don't show as many signs. When you get closer then everything comes out.
    Yamamoto likes this.
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  3. Yamamoto

    Yamamoto Was Mal Content Banned Premium Member Donated

    Welcome to the forum, Amethus! I can't speak for everyone, but in my experience, it's all about trust. When I'm around people I don't trust, my facade rarely cracks. I seem pretty much normal. It's exhausting, emotionally.

    I think he has begun to trust you. When I'm with people I trust, I can be myself. That means they're stuck dealing with the parts of me that I'm afraid to show in public. Fortunately, I've always been open about my trauma, so they know where my crazy comes from.

    I hope this makes sense, and I wish you the best luck!
    Muttly, Mytime, Fadeaway and 3 others like this.
  4. Amethus

    Amethus Member

    Thank you. May I ask how is it that you can control it? He told me about it eventually but the extent of it now is really bad. Pushing me away, kicking me out the house, leaving me pregnant and getting ready to move to another state.... I really feel like I was really misled and I have to end up dealing with all of these responsibilities because of him being able to hide it so well.
    Yamamoto likes this.
  5. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

    First time I dissociated, lost time and experienced flashbacks - that I realised - was with my T. My GP said when I told her "I'm glad you found someone to trust." Blew my mind and I had no understanding of what she was talking about.

    It's not a conscious thing. At work I'm a powerhouse. At home with my partner I'm a bit of a mess. It must be so hard for a supporter to experience this but it TOTALLY does my head in lol
  6. Yamamoto

    Yamamoto Was Mal Content Banned Premium Member Donated

    I wish I had good advice for you. If your partner is working on his recovery, if he's in therapy, then things might work out. If he's not in treatment, he will never change. He can't change. Ptsd isn't something that you can recover from without professional help.

    And I didn't mean to suggest that he's been misleading you. We are good liars, but mostly to ourselves. What I told you I only understand in retrospect. He is fighting demons that you can't understand, and I expect he's the best man he's able to be.
  7. Sweetpea76

    Sweetpea76 Semper ubi sub ubi. Moderator Donated

    With PTSD relationships, just like probably most other relationships, there is always a honeymoon phase before it all hits the proverbial fan. The excitement of it all kind of covers the reality.
    LuckiLee, Fadeaway and Freida like this.
  8. Fadeaway

    Fadeaway I'm a VIP Donated

    The falling in love high you get when you get when you meet someone new that you are attracted too can release hormones that counter act symptoms, it just doesn't last long. It isn't an intentional hiding of symptoms. In new situations I can manage my life better, but it never lasts. maybe it is a defense mechanism? I don't know, but the cycle has repeated it's self so many times. I used to believe I was actually doing better during those time, but I know better now because it never lasts.
  9. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    Vastly different disorders.

    For one thing, PTSD is cyclic instead of static, and it’s extremely reactive to stress (we usually have a PTSD Stress Cup article that does an amazing job at conceptualising that component, but our article system is in transition at the moment, and it may well be down).

    Even if someone is well managed, big stressors (births, marriages, divorces, deaths, injury, moving, job loss, etc.) tend to send symptoms skyrocketing... meanwhile other things that naturally bleed stress or are distracting (new relationships, exercise, etc.) tend to pull symtoms downward.

    So if a person’s normal is about a 5? New relationship will pull it to a 0, whilst a pregnancy may bump it to a 10.

    Even just normalising at about a 5 can be a cold hard shock to new partners. In your case? Where several huge stressors piled on all at once? You’ve gotten the shock of going from 0-10 in nothing flat.

    None of this is meant to excuse his behavior. Just explaining, symptom wise, the roller coaster that is PTSD.

    I have another disorder (ADHD) that, like GAD is pretty durn static. It is what it is, and you’ll likely notice it on day 1, if you know what to look for, & don’t simply excuse it as high spirits. When I got PTSD? Blew. My. Mind. that those symptoms weren’t static. They altered a HUGE amount depending on a whole lot of factors. And, 20years later, still alter a huge amount. It took me a very, very, very long time to learn to accomodate for the PTSD side of me. People’s timelines are all different, but unless someone gets very lucky to sort everything in the first 6 months, or so, one is generally looking at years.

    Ditto, trauma therapy is unlike any other therapy I’ve ever been a part of. (ADHD, MFT, etc.) Most forms of therapy people start getting better / more manageable right away. Trauma therapy? People get WORSE. For awhile. Massive symptom spike, to the degree that unless someone is inpatient they usually won’t let you even start trauma therapy until you’re stable, because the risk of suicide, job loss, homelessness, etc. is way way way too high. <<< Sharing this partbecause if you have GAD you likely have the same sort of belief around therapy that I had, as ADHD >>> get therapy to get better, now! :facepalm: Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. One DOES get better, but first one is going to get worse, often a lot worse, for a long time.
  10. Amethus

    Amethus Member

    Thank you guys for explaining it to me from your side... It still hurts. We planned the pregnancy and now I am homeless having to pick up the pieces by myself. I really do understand how uncomfortable he must feel and I love him to death. I just wish I knew this could trigger him so much. He is on meds and receiving therapy. But this sent him on a path. He left the state I am in and told me to never call him again. It's sad.
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