I am in sooo much pain right now. I wake up with knots in my stomach, an empty gnawing feeling in my gut and an empty gnawing feeling in my throat, like I want to speak but can't because of an overwhelming, uncomfortable anxiety. I want to cry everyday ut can't. I feel outbursts of anger because I have no explanation or closure for what I've been through. I feel like I have been ripped apart and the confidence I once had about rising above pain in life including terrible, isolating childhood abuse, is now gone. I have been broken and don't know what to do to trust again. I have anxiety that not only rivets through my head and stomach, but spreads throughout my entire body. I now hate God. I used to rely on Him to get me through excrutiating pain in my childhood and to give me hope for a future in His kingdom in a paradise and to solve all the ugly and disgusting problems of this world. I now feel hatred towards Him and His supposed only true organization here on earth which only has a few million followers among billions of people now living on earth. This cult has it's followers believing only they will survive some sort of Armageddon and this cult consistently teaches it's followers of all the terrible things happening on this earth on a regular basis. This cult controls almost every aspect of it's followers lives and much of the doctrines of this cult leads to fear of the outside world, and doesn't allow it's followers to "have friendship with the world" meaning no friendships with anyone outside the cult as well as even limiting association with your own "worldly" relatives. When you leaving, in one way or another, you will be shunned and lose all of your close associates you had when you were in the cult. Being shunned is painful and hard to explain to others how this makes one feel. It sucks. I now HATE this cult with a passion and wish it would die! I hope it becomes exposed for what it is. I lost all my friends and family except for my sister to this cult and have had to start essentially start my life over. Even when you are in this cult as a baptized member, in order to be considered good association, you have to attend all of their weekly meetings and put at least a few hours a week in the ministry of knocking on people's doors and "sharing their message", which means trying to get people into the cult. They encroach on their followers personal lives by suggesting they also take the time when attending school, or at work or even at a grocery store, to preach to their classmates, work mates and people in lines at the grocery store, like strike up a conversation, establish some sort of common ground and then start preaching to them. I can go into even way more detail as so how much time out of it's member's lives they really take up on a daily or weekly basis but I won't go into detail now. Let's just say, the cult takes over your entire life.