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The Rough Life Of Being Me

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New Here
First I would like to Apologize for misspelled words and grammar.

Well it started when I was just little, a kid. Growing up in a rough life style. Parents always fighting with each other. Dad whipping me for doing small things that a child would do. It didn't start till I was about 13 when the doctors said I have cancer. Cancer in my left eye. Then family and friends pulled together to raise enough money for me to have it removed from my eye because daddies company Insurance wouldn't cover it. You tell a 13 year old he has cancer do you know how that destroys them on the in side, even after it's gone they are scored.

That opened me to depression. Ok depression kicking in but I am going to get my story out. I hope this helps with some one. Ok back to what I was saying. At the time there were only 3 specials that did the op that I went through. One in Japan, one in England and one in Philli. Well we went to Philli. We stayed to the McDonald house. Thats where I met this girl about my age. Her name was stepanie(misspell). She had brain cancer. After my surgery I went home she stayed. 3 months later I got a letter from her dad and she passed away. In the letter he stated that she had a crush on me. That tore me apart inside. How can I survive this and she didn't?

Why it had to be her I would taken her place, she was so sweet to me and just a beautiful girl. Well then the years went by I was 15 when my parents split up. But right before they did my parents was tell me a 15 year old that it's my fault that they are going through this. So what did I do? Llike every other 15 year old I rebelled. Doing drugs staying out late. Well it wasn't long before I was on my own. They kicked me out so I stayed with a friend for a few days till my parents cool off. So I went back home. Still doing drugs they didn't know. 1 year later I dropped out of school so I can go to a military school 6 month program. Finished it but went back to what I was doing.

Parents found out I was doing drugs again back on the street I went. So I joined the army. Ok this is were it gets bad for me so bear with me. I went to Iraq in 03 man the stuff I seen. A 18 yr should not see that bodies laying on the street on fire. Well I was on a convoy and we were handing out MREs to the kids. I was a gunner on top of the truck. Out the corner of my eye I could see this 8 year girl running from the left of us to us so she can get something to eat. As soon as she stepped on to the road ( please if you don't want to have any depression please stop) a 18 wheeler just plowed into her. All I saw was a cloud of red mist. No one else saw it just kept going. I just sat there no words could come out my mouth. I didn't know how to tell anyone. I was 18. Finally word just started to come out and I told someone. And he told me don't worry about it. It was probably nothing.

Time goings on I dreamed about that moment my whole life so far. Well its been a few month since that time on the road. I am pulling guard on a roof top. Its about 1030pm I am so tired I stand up to get blood moving to wake me up. Then bam bam bam bam AK47 rounds pass by my head and body. Inches away I could feel the heat coming from the rounds. So I drop to the ground. Crawled behind some sandbags knees shaking so bad I cant stand up. The female that was with me was in the corner crying. So I finally stand up behind my weapon telling her what I see so she can relay to guard commander. And this is where I will leave off. I feel better to get this to some one looking for some one like them. There is a lot more to my story but as all books it has to stop some where.
You carry so much pain in your soul. I am glad you found this forum, lots of good people with big hearts and patient ears. I read on your other thread that you will not take pills, but just so you know, the judicious use of meds can be helpful and life saving in some circumstances. Regardless of your choice whether or not to take meds, which I totally respect, you owe it to yourself and your family to engage in some sort of therapy. No man is an island, what you have experienced is life altering to say the least. My heart an prayers go out to you. It takes a brave but committed soul to be here.
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