The spiral and a new relationship

Charmd1

Learning
I’m just looking for been there done that advice.

1. I’m pretty deep into a spiral down
2. Met someone new even though I had no intentions of complicating my life.
3. This persons love language is acts of service.

Would it be selfish of me to consider this person because I know they are exactly what I need in my life right now.

Is it wrong entering into something with an empty bucket. I usually do things for others but I don t have a lot to give these days.

What are the odds this my psyche finding a diversion so I can distract myself from the hard work to be better again.

I feel this person is genuine and kind but they are in a tough spot in life and are looking for a reason to smile.

I am worried this has codependency written all over it. But at the same time I usually don’t ask anyone for help and I’ve asked him three times for a hand with something. And I am ultra independent as a survival tactic.

Any insight would be appreciated. Pros and cons because this is a weird behaviour for me. I usually isolate to borderline agoraphobia when it’s this bad.
 

Friday

Moderator
I’ve learned to not date when I’m doing badly, because the TYPE of person who is attracted to me when I’m a hot mess is Wildly different type of person who is attracted to me when I’m not. And it inevitably ends up wih their heart broken as I am NOT the person they thought I was, need/want in their life, fell in love with. Nor do I want to be that person. And am utterly unwilling to go back to being who they see as the “real” me.

That said?

I have that rule because I’ve done it a whole helluva lot, and it’s helped (me) a whoooole helluva lot. I just got sick and tired of being the asshole.

So I’m certainly not gonna tell anyone else not to do the exact same thing I’ve done countless times.. just know? It comes at a cost.
 

Charmd1

Learning
I’ve learned to not date when I’m doing badly, because the TYPE of person who is attracted to me when I’m a hot mess is Wildly different type of person who is attracted to me when I’m not. And it inevitably ends up wih their heart broken as I am NOT the person they thought I was, need/want in their life, fell in love with. Nor do I want to be that person. And am utterly unwilling to go back to being who they see as the “real” me.

That said?

I have that rule because I’ve done it a whole helluva lot, and it’s helped (me) a whoooole helluva lot. I just got sick and tired of being the asshole.

So I’m certainly not gonna tell anyone else not to do the exact same thing I’ve done countless times.. just know? It comes at a cost.
Thank your for the insight!! I’m the opposite with attracting people. And I generally only date when I feel like I’m the whole package. When I’m doing good that’s when I let harmful people into my life. When I’m doing bad. I dont know what type of person I attract because I isolate and shut people out historically. Part of me is wondering what if. Because I’ve been very honest about myself and my challenges. Maybe that’s the difference this time I am doing the opposite of painting myself in the best light. I know others develop ideas based on who and what they think you are and I know this could potentially backfire no matter how brutally honest I am. I’ve never met anyone who was worth the risk when vulnerable before. And I wonder if that will make a difference in the outcome.
 

Magnolia

New Here
I have been trying to date again, and I find that I am in competition with the men I have met. I have insulted them, put on airs, and have rejected their advances. This is completely out of character for me. I want connection, but it seems I am too afraid to let someone in. I too feel I don't have much to give.

Finding a companion who is compassionate to your needs and understands that all you can give is your time, sounds like a blessing. Maybe they aren't 'forever' material due to their own issues, but maybe this could be the beginning of a special friendship. Talking about it with this person might be a good idea, to know if you both are on the same page.
 

Charmd1

Learning
Talking about it with this person might be a good idea, to know if you both are on the same page.
Thank you. Yes it is so hard to navigate this..

What we ended up doing was sitting down and having a few really serious talks. not so much of airing the dirty laundry type,
But more of this this has been my experience. and this is how I have reacted in the past.
This is what I will need to be able to grow something or even dip my toes.
The hardest part I have found is being honest with myself and not justifying and being one sided.
It will be a work in progress and trying not to have high hopes..
 
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