I am so tired of mental health stigma.
A couple months ago, I was dropping my daughter off in preschool.
I had made a comment about how there are no instructions on how to parent. I had just gotten through a 4 year old temper tantrum over wearing a coat.
The teacher (someone I really respect) then said, "Yes, there is no pamphlet on parenting which is hard for when you are a good mother and you had a good mother to emulate, but what about the people who did not have good parents, growing up in terrible homes, I guess they just make bad moms. But those people are not you and me as we grew up in good homes."
I had just had a conference with this teacher a week ago where she gave me a compliment on mothering because my daughter had such a sense of happiness about her (which is honestly just how my daughter is on her own.)
So, because I am seen as a good mother than I can't possibly be from one of "those homes."
I said to her. "I grew up in a broken home. I had abusive parents. But I learned how to be a good mother and yes I am in a ton of therapy to do it."
But it was her tone. This almost disgusted tone for "those people" and "those homes."
Then, last night, I was at a diversity group discussion. We were talking about the "sympathy" complex. Where there is the "give to the poor because think how horrible it is for them complex."
We see that at my school, where well off families give to charities, but there is a patronizing aspect to it. So the women in my group were talking about this and they were talking about how they were not rich growing up, but life was not horrible because they had good families.
They then said, "I know that even some of the rich families are abusive. So, that's great to have all of that wealth, but I would not wish in a million years to be abused. You grow up with all these mental issues. Thank God I grew up in a normal, happy family."
It was frustrating because again there was that tone. That slight disgust over the "unfortunate abused people" tone.
What they were saying was true. Abuse is horrible to endure and you do get mental issues.
But I was sitting right there. A survivor of abuse. A leader and change agent with a family. A human being. Don't pity me. Don't pity me especially in the context of a diversity discussion on pity!
They do not know about my history, but still.
People with mental health issues are not some how different or "other than".
You are not somehow cursed or tainted because you have suffered abuse.
Mental health issues are stigmatized. Survivors of trauma are stigmatized and seen as "other than" when we need the exact opposite-understanding and inclusivity.
But I could not say anything.
What could I have said?
"I am a victim of abuse. Of terrible things. But I am normal or well I have CPTSD, so..."
I wanted to emphasize my grit, my street smarts, my enhanced humanity and empathy because of suffering.
But I said nothing.
I was in a large group in a restaurant. It would have been awkward.
But why does it have to be shameful?
I did not choose to be abused. I suffered and endured. Isn't there pride in that?
A couple months ago, I was dropping my daughter off in preschool.
I had made a comment about how there are no instructions on how to parent. I had just gotten through a 4 year old temper tantrum over wearing a coat.
The teacher (someone I really respect) then said, "Yes, there is no pamphlet on parenting which is hard for when you are a good mother and you had a good mother to emulate, but what about the people who did not have good parents, growing up in terrible homes, I guess they just make bad moms. But those people are not you and me as we grew up in good homes."
I had just had a conference with this teacher a week ago where she gave me a compliment on mothering because my daughter had such a sense of happiness about her (which is honestly just how my daughter is on her own.)
So, because I am seen as a good mother than I can't possibly be from one of "those homes."
I said to her. "I grew up in a broken home. I had abusive parents. But I learned how to be a good mother and yes I am in a ton of therapy to do it."
But it was her tone. This almost disgusted tone for "those people" and "those homes."
Then, last night, I was at a diversity group discussion. We were talking about the "sympathy" complex. Where there is the "give to the poor because think how horrible it is for them complex."
We see that at my school, where well off families give to charities, but there is a patronizing aspect to it. So the women in my group were talking about this and they were talking about how they were not rich growing up, but life was not horrible because they had good families.
They then said, "I know that even some of the rich families are abusive. So, that's great to have all of that wealth, but I would not wish in a million years to be abused. You grow up with all these mental issues. Thank God I grew up in a normal, happy family."
It was frustrating because again there was that tone. That slight disgust over the "unfortunate abused people" tone.
What they were saying was true. Abuse is horrible to endure and you do get mental issues.
But I was sitting right there. A survivor of abuse. A leader and change agent with a family. A human being. Don't pity me. Don't pity me especially in the context of a diversity discussion on pity!
They do not know about my history, but still.
People with mental health issues are not some how different or "other than".
You are not somehow cursed or tainted because you have suffered abuse.
Mental health issues are stigmatized. Survivors of trauma are stigmatized and seen as "other than" when we need the exact opposite-understanding and inclusivity.
But I could not say anything.
What could I have said?
"I am a victim of abuse. Of terrible things. But I am normal or well I have CPTSD, so..."
I wanted to emphasize my grit, my street smarts, my enhanced humanity and empathy because of suffering.
But I said nothing.
I was in a large group in a restaurant. It would have been awkward.
But why does it have to be shameful?
I did not choose to be abused. I suffered and endured. Isn't there pride in that?