Sufferer The struggle's real, y'all!

[UnderOverThrough]

Hey, everyone! I'm new to the group, hence this introductory post.

I'm a 47 year-old male from Arizona and I've suffered from mental illness most of my life. It kind of all came to a head (this time 'round) early last year (my depression and anxiety got out of control), so I made the decision to use my FMLA benefit at work and take a step back from virtually everything for a bit to focus on myself. I started seeing a psychiatrist who was licensed to administer ketamine therapy, but that unfortunately never came to fruition due to insurance red tape.

I had tried therapy in the past and had taken pretty much every anti-depressant known to man to no avail, which is why I decided to try the ketamine therapy. After that went sideways, I pretty much just conceded that I was plagued with treatment-resistant depression/anxiety and nothing was going to help me.

However, around December of last year, someone was talking to me about cPTSD and their own journey with working through that. It started to make sense to me and since I didn't feel like I had a lot of viable options available to me, I sought out a local therapist who had experience with cPTSD and trauma work ("parts" therapy).

Needless to say, I've learned quite a lot since then, both from my therapy sessions and the mounting list of books I've read, but I'm still struggling. I still get very overwhelmed with triggers and the feelings of dysregulation that comes along with that on a regular basis. I'm taking it one situation at a time, of course, and using the skills I've learned to break the patterns, but sometimes the dysregulation is so strong that I can't even press the pause button to try and collect myself.

Sadly, I really don't have a support system. I'm embarrassed to admit how many years it's been (hint: it's been decades) since I've had a friend, and it just gets more and more difficult with each passing year. It's not easy making friends when you're a 47 year-old male who also suffers from depression/anxiety/trauma.

Anyhow, I'm hoping I can find some kind of support system here. I could really use some friends. Anyhow, that's my abbreviated story. I guess I'll see you around the board.

 

[LuckiLee]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Hopeful Despair]

Sorry for what brought you here and welcome.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the community!

 

[Renly]

Welcome! There are many supportive people here who “get it” and are willing to help. Glad you made your way here.

 

[Weemie]

a psychiatrist who was licensed to administer ketamine therapy

If you're still interested in medication, check out Auvelity. It's in the same class of drugs as ketamine but it can be taken on a daily basis && comes in the form of a pill. It's just been approved by the FDA for treatment-resistant depression. I have used it to treat my PTSD symptoms since roughly August and have experienced at least a 60-70% reduction in my daily distress.

 

[CashLane58]

Hey, everyone! I'm new to the group, hence this introductory post.

I'm a 47 year-old male from Arizona and I've suffered from mental illness most of my life. It kind of all came to a head (this time 'round) early last year (my depression and anxiety got out of control), so I made the decision to use my FMLA benefit at work and take a step back from virtually everything for a bit to focus on myself. I started seeing a psychiatrist who was licensed to administer ketamine therapy, but that unfortunately never came to fruition due to insurance red tape.

I had tried therapy in the past and had taken pretty much every anti-depressant known to man to no avail, which is why I decided to try the ketamine therapy. After that went sideways, I pretty much just conceded that I was plagued with treatment-resistant depression/anxiety and nothing was going to help me.

However, around December of last year, someone was talking to me about cPTSD and their own journey with working through that. It started to make sense to me and since I didn't feel like I had a lot of viable options available to me, I sought out a local therapist who had experience with cPTSD and trauma work ("parts" therapy).

Needless to say, I've learned quite a lot since then, both from my therapy sessions and the mounting list of books I've read, but I'm still struggling. I still get very overwhelmed with triggers and the feelings of dysregulation that comes along with that on a regular basis. I'm taking it one situation at a time, of course, and using the skills I've learned to break the patterns, but sometimes the dysregulation is so strong that I can't even press the pause button to try and collect myself.

Sadly, I really don't have a support system. I'm embarrassed to admit how many years it's been (hint: it's been decades) since I've had a friend, and it just gets more and more difficult with each passing year. It's not easy making friends when you're a 47 year-old male who also suffers from depression/anxiety/trauma.

Anyhow, I'm hoping I can find some kind of support system here. I could really use some friends. Anyhow, that's my abbreviated story. I guess I'll see you around the board.

Hey man great to meet you! I guess I should introduce myself to the group. I just found it a couple weeks ago and haven’t done that yet.
Your story is very similar to mine. I’ve suffered with “something” my whole life but didn’t know what till I started therapy last December. The therapist diagnosed ptsd based on my symptoms and history but I have to say cptsd is a better fit. I also tried every medication out there to no avail so I gave up on that a couple of years ago. It just didn’t help. But therapy has done wonders for me. I started going down the spiral in ‘08 and it got progressively worse. I saw 5 different doctors and even checked into a psych ward trying to understand what the hell was wrong with me over the next 10 or so years. The anxiety and depression and feeling of doom was so intense I became suicidal. Then it got worse. My wife of almost 17 years threw me out in 2019 and divorced me. I started thinking of ways to just end it. I somehow thought to look up anxiety disorder in 2020 and I knew I was on the right track. The website I ended up on - all of them in fact- said it was very treatable and that gave me hope but I was still enduring some very abject suffering. I shortly tried online therapy and that was helpful but so very difficult because it was a lot easier to avoid. And finally I got with the therapist I’m seeing now once the Covid thing was lifted and it’s been what was needed all along. I only wish I’d started a long time ago. I’m almost 64 so 2/3-3/4 of my life is gone. At least I can make what’s left better!! I’m doing cbt for ptsd and like I said it’s helped me more than anything else I’ve done. I also just finished Pete Walkers book on cptsd -surviving to thriving- and it’s been very helpful too!! It’s so me! I just started a book mr walker recommended in his book by Jonice Webb- running on empty- and so far it’s been very helpful too. So far it’s been about the kind of parenting I got as a child. I always thought that it was a factor but I had no idea!!! Anyway I understand what you mean about not having a friend. I isolated myself so much that the people that I thought were friends just kinda drifted away. Looking back they weren’t really friends anyway. And I’ve found that the “normal” people out there don’t understand our situation. They think you should just snap out of it. So I’m looking for a friend too and I hope you and I can talk more. At least we can understand what each is going through. Ttyl Joe

 

[UnderOverThrough]

If you're still interested in medication, check out Auvelity. It's in the same class of drugs as ketamine but it can be taken on a daily basis && comes in the form of a pill. It's just been approved by the FDA for treatment-resistant depression. I have used it to treat my PTSD symptoms since roughly August and have experienced at least a 60-70% reduction in my daily distress.

Thank you very much for the suggestion, but unfortunately,my insurance doesn’t even cover it (not even at the highest tier).

Hey man great to meet you! I guess I should introduce myself to the group. I just found it a couple weeks ago and haven’t done that yet.
Your story is very similar to mine. I’ve suffered with “something” my whole life but didn’t know what till I started therapy last December. The therapist diagnosed ptsd based on my symptoms and history but I have to say cptsd is a better fit. I also tried every medication out there to no avail so I gave up on that a couple of years ago. It just didn’t help. But therapy has done wonders for me. I started going down the spiral in ‘08 and it got progressively worse. I saw 5 different doctors and even checked into a psych ward trying to understand what the hell was wrong with me over the next 10 or so years. The anxiety and depression and feeling of doom was so intense I became suicidal. Then it got worse. My wife of almost 17 years threw me out in 2019 and divorced me. I started thinking of ways to just end it. I somehow thought to look up anxiety disorder in 2020 and I knew I was on the right track. The website I ended up on - all of them in fact- said it was very treatable and that gave me hope but I was still enduring some very abject suffering. I shortly tried online therapy and that was helpful but so very difficult because it was a lot easier to avoid. And finally I got with the therapist I’m seeing now once the Covid thing was lifted and it’s been what was needed all along. I only wish I’d started a long time ago. I’m almost 64 so 2/3-3/4 of my life is gone. At least I can make what’s left better!! I’m doing cbt for ptsd and like I said it’s helped me more than anything else I’ve done. I also just finished Pete Walkers book on cptsd -surviving to thriving- and it’s been very helpful too!! It’s so me! I just started a book mr walker recommended in his book by Jonice Webb- running on empty- and so far it’s been very helpful too. So far it’s been about the kind of parenting I got as a child. I always thought that it was a factor but I had no idea!!! Anyway I understand what you mean about not having a friend. I isolated myself so much that the people that I thought were friends just kinda drifted away. Looking back they weren’t really friends anyway. And I’ve found that the “normal” people out there don’t understand our situation. They think you should just snap out of it. So I’m looking for a friend too and I hope you and I can talk more. At least we can understand what each is going through. Ttyl Joe

Nice to meet you, too, @CashLane58! Yeah, our stories definitely sound similar; there are quite a few parallels. We should absolutely talk more and get to know each other better. It’d be nice to have someone who understands, at least fundamentally.

 

[Weemie]

Thank you very much for the suggestion, but unfortunately,my insurance doesn’t even cover it (not even at the highest tier).

Aw, that's total bullshit. You can get the active ingredient online if you're in the United States for much cheaper. Google DXM Pharmaceuticals. I'd drop about 3 per day (you get bottles of 100 for cheap as shit) which is equivalent to 90mg (in Auvelity the dose is 90mg, I use 120mg or 4 as well since I take this). It's totally legal. If you want to boost it with Wellbutrin, you can get on a low-dose Wellbutrin script. Your insurance would probably cover that.

 

[UnderOverThrough]

Aw, that's total bullshit. You can get the active ingredient online if you're in the United States for much cheaper. Google DXM Pharmaceuticals. I'd drop about 3 per day (you get bottles of 100 for cheap as shit) which is equivalent to 90mg (in Auvelity the dose is 90mg, I use 120mg or 4 as well since I take this). It's totally legal. If you want to boost it with Wellbutrin, you can get on a low-dose Wellbutrin script. Your insurance would probably cover that.

It is indeed bullshit, but it sounds like you have a viable work-around. Thanks for the tip, I'm looking it up now.

 

[Weemie]

It is indeed bullshit, but it sounds like you have a viable work-around. Thanks for the tip, I'm looking it up now.

Yerp, just make sure you're not taking anything else that interacts with serotonin as it can cause serotonin syndrome, no MAOIs, etc. Don't mix it with liquor, the usual shenanigans. This is fairly low-dose so it's not going to affect your cognition or impair you, but NMDA antagonists definitely target that deep depressive shit. It may or may not be effective for you, for me and for several other people I know it has been a godsend. It's helped me to be able to do the hard narrative exposure work in therapy, etc.

 

[UnderOverThrough]

Yerp, just make sure you're not taking anything else that interacts with serotonin as it can cause serotonin syndrome, no MAOIs, etc. Don't mix it with liquor, the usual shenanigans. This is fairly low-dose so it's not going to affect your cognition or impair you, but NMDA antagonists definitely target that deep depressive shit. It may or may not be effective for you, for me and for several other people I know it has been a godsend. It's helped me to be able to do the hard narrative exposure work in therapy, etc.

Curious, how much of a requirement is the Buproprian? Does that make a big difference when taken? I guess it probably depends on the person, like with most medication.