I was talking to my T this week about my suicidal thinking, being that even when things are going well I can have it, fact is most everyday I wake up feeling suicidal to some degree. Anyway, she asked me about the feelings I have and I just wasn't getting it, couldn't pinpoint anything beyond shame. So she asked me what the thought was that was provoking the feeling. I have never thought of that before so I paused and she told me to not stop and think it through just say it. So I did and I was actually shocked because the thought I go back to is wishing that my rapist would have killed me right after the attack. Seriously, I fought to live during the rape but then afterward I wished he would have killed me.
Now that i see that I can take my suicidal thoughts less seriously and push them aside easier, knowing it is not stuff that is happening now. In fact, my life now is pretty damn good and I have no reason to die.
Now that i see that I can take my suicidal thoughts less seriously and push them aside easier, knowing it is not stuff that is happening now. In fact, my life now is pretty damn good and I have no reason to die.