Therapist... And "Getting Over It"

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had marriage counseling tonight and tried to express how i am trying to learn more about PTSD and how it affects my daily life instead of pretending i don't have it, that nothing is wrong and trying (TRYING) TO EMBRACE THE GOOD IN MY LIFE. as i have been told over and over by different people. i just feel so alone right now. so alone b/c his response was so matter of fact, that in dealing with the trauma(s) that it would be easier and natural to orient myself to the present, as opposed to what i have now. which is some sort of strange time warp/purgatory existence that pendulums (is that a word??) from being absent from my body and time and blindly functioning to overworking and crashing. i get so nervous telling another therapist i have ptsd, because it seems that just having textbook knowledge is not enough to know how to deal with it or counsel. i am so confused. from reading this forum and posts i was starting to think it would be wise to give this a go, to work to identify what is PTSD in my life and what is not, and move towards HEALTH. now i feel like i should just get over it. i can't properly speak of my past, i always feel the burden to explain that it's in the past and i have moved forward and have good things/people now. but as i just read in a post by catatonicky (i think)..."i live there everyday but pretend like i don't." WHY? because that is what is socially accepted...socially EXPECTED. i feel so alone and so dramatic because i am in so much pain in this little corner of me. and on the outside you would think, "damn, this chick has it together". or something like that. i want my past to not be an issue in my marriage. something that is not CONTINUALLY brought up and analyzed in terms of my current actions and responses. but i NEED to figure this out, get this out somewhere. just not in my marriage. he knows the gist. isn't that enough? i have a hard time opening up to people. and when i do, i usually just "disappear" afterwards. and PANIC. sort of like i do here. it is so hard to read the comments on here, i feel so small and stupid. and trite.
You are not small, stupid, or trite, but I would argue that the therapist who said that to you is!

Therapists, for the most part, are complete idiots when it comes to this.

I'm glad your here Elvis and I enjoy reading your posts. I can't write more now, because my brain ran away and I can't seem to find it at the moment. I will write more when I make sense again! LOL

I'm you

Elvis.. I feel like I'm you, or you're me.. other people seem to have had far worse things in thier lives, I feel embarassed with my issues, Its like I dont feel worthy of feeling this badly. Reading this forum is good and bad for me.. the best thing about it, is that I dont feel quite so alone when I'm here. The bad thing is that its like emersion therapy for me.. after so long I log off and cry for 3 hours or more. I dont have any great wisdom.. just know that we have to muttle through and stick together, you will always find someone here that can make you feel better. (Even if just to get you past the next hour) Take a deep breath and hang in there.
Suggested reading "I Can't Get Over It" second edition by Aphrodite Matsakis. From one that has an accident or rape, to ongoing physical or sexual abuse for years, or (sorry Evie, using your case) being shot and your family killed, or war... So many think the next have it worse. Do not sabatoge yourself to think you are worse or another is worse. PTSD is PTSD and it has to be faced to heal. You will not get better without working through it. You cannot be in the present without coming to terms with the past. And if you think you have come to terms with the trauma you also need to understand you need to come to terms with demands you make on yourself may be too much and secondary wounding by family and the justice system (police, courts, etc...) Trauma does not alwways lay with just the initial one but what treatment followed too.
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