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Therapist feedback

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FauxLiz

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I am preparing to move and will be leaving my therapist of 4 years. I have considered writing him a letter after we end providing some feedback that I have developed during our work together. The thing that is holding me back is that I would like to find a way to live and work in this area and would possibly want to work with him again if needed.

So my question is would provide the feedback or keep it to yourself knowing that by doing so it preserves the therapeutic relationship as is.
 
Is the feedback that terrible? I mean he likely would have been able to work with you on it while you were seeing him. I know sometimes I tell my physiotherapist that she’s going to get mad at me for doing something, and it was refreshing to have her respond with “I doubt it” and shrugging her shoulders. My old physio would’ve told me my pain was from doing too much, or conversely, not doing enough. So, I was hesitant to share with new physio. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about!
 
If the feedback is negative, I’m not sure why you’ve waited until you’re ending with him - it seems unfair to hand him that in a letter that he wont be able to discuss with you and respond to. I wouldn’t do that regardless of whether I hoped to work with him again because it’s unfair to drop feedback on him with no right of reply.

If your feedback is positive, I still wouldn’t write it after we’ve finished - if there’s something you feel he needs to hear from you say it in session with him. Talk to him about it and make it a joint discussion.

Honestly think about the reason you want to give the feedback and why you can’t just say it to him as part of your ending process. In terms of preserving the therapeutic relationship as is, how strong a relationship is it if you have feedback for him that you won’t discuss with him? Or is the letter a way to keep a connection after the work has finished?

I’m ending with my T after 5 years and wouldn’t dream of writing to her after we’ve ended with something I hadn’t spoken to her about before hand. I’d want to be able to talk it through and would hate to leave her holding feedback from me out of the blue.
 
@Suzetig, @Justmehere, @Friday and @Stephernovas some of the feedback back has to do with the website for the practice (he started it and is the principle) some of it is stuff that I have only realized in the last three weeks since my most recent return from River Oaks.

I never expected to be making this type of transition so soon after that stay and honestly our most recent sessions have been filled with the challenges of dealing with FOO and my ex and his family at my sons graduation accepting the new job and managing the anxiety that goes with that and very little else.

It would make sense to discuss these things with him as we move towards termination but at the same time I don’t want to waste my session time giving feedback that I can’t benefit from it that others may.
 
So it's practical suggestions or observations of the website and the way his practice is run? If so maybe you could write a list and skip through them quickly during a session, especially if you are sure he is unaware of the problem/issue. If it is helpful things I don't see a problem. He should be open to that type of feedback.

If it has to do with the standard of therapy or things you didn't like about the therapy he delivered I think that need's to be addressed at the time to be helpful to you and him.
 
It’s never a waste of session time to bring things that are on your mind. You could email him with your feedback between sessions with a view to being open to talking about it when you see him - which gives him the chance to respond while you’re still working together. If I didn’t want to spend my session time talking about it at all, I wouldn’t send it to him to read and react to in his own time either.
 
I think you could benefit from expressing to him what went well and what you hope he would improve in the future for others - and if you work together again - with a chance to gain feedback.

Many terminations come with the understanding that there won’t be further contact unless services are requested again. It strikes me as out of place within the work and profession to express it after termination. It goes against how therapy and the therapeutic relationship works.

Think about it this way: what if he sent you a letter after termination discussing issues you could have improved upon that he didn’t bring up prior to termination? How would it sit with you?

Even if we switch it to looking at it as an employee-employer relationship entirely, it would be out of place for employer to send an employee review after the employee left the company with no chance for feedback or engagement, especially if there had been 4 years of weekly opportunities to bring the matters up but the concerns had never been brought up.

ETA: But, that all being said, I’d ask him if he would be interested and ok with you sending a letter of feedback after termination. Maybe he would be up for it.
 
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