Therapist says I need higher level of care, but there aren't any options available. How do I start processing trauma in therapy?

eroday1

New Here
Hi all. I've been working with my current therapist for about 2.5 years and she is amazing. However, I'm in a bit of a conundrum.

I have schizoaffective disorder and PTSD. For about the past year, I was in a major psychotic episode most of the time. I think I've been doing better, functioning and communicating better, for the past 2-3 weeks.

My therapist says I need more intensive treatment. However, I'm on medi-cal and very limited on my options. The only IOP/PHP program available to me are at a local hospital that I've had very bad experiences at and I know is poor treatment. Additionally, it's not even trauma informed. I've asked my psychiatrist, people in my support group, etc. if they know of any intensive trauma groups nearby, or even just weekly support groups. They don't. Many said they have actively looked and can't find anything. I have searched the internet high and low. Also, I don't really want to do trauma processing in a group setting. I really don't think that would be helpful for me. For some reason, she doesn't seem to quite believe me that there is nothing available. Maybe she's just frustrated. To make matters worse, I have no friends or family I can go to. When I did have friends, they'd just say something like, "you should really talk to your therapist about that." Eventually they ditched me because, well, I have nothing to offer so I'm not worth the trouble.

Basically my only option is once a week therapy (that's all my insurance will cover, and that's all she can provide). That's my option, along with bi-weekly psychiatry. Also, I've spent a long time learning to trust her and slowly opening up. She says she wishes she had a full week she could just work with me, but of course that's not a possibility. I'm ready to start processing my trauma because it is extremely debilitating and leaves me feeling constantly like I want to die. An intensive program is NOT an option and also not something I am super interested in. Her website says she treats trauma/PTSD, and she's even said she does. In the past, she's said that she wants to process my trauma with me. Then, she said something along the lines of that she couldn't push me because of how constantly stressed out and unstable I was, but that there was "so much work I want to do therapeutically with you" or something like that.

Then, last week, she says how I need more intensive treatment, and then she says "because this is just a once a week check-in." So it's not therapy?? I'm just so, so confused. I am ready to start slowly processing my trauma and I actually trust her, but I'm feeling hurt by this. I can only do so much work on my own, but I am doing what I can in between sessions. I need to try to heal my PTSD. I feel emotionally paralyzed. I'm also worried she's just gonna terminate me or insurance will stop covering it. I got a DBT workbook for psychosis I've been working on, and she says it can also help for PTSD, but I know that DBT skills are not the answer- only some helpful tools to try to help lessen symptoms, but at the end of the day, I still feel the same, and the skills are effective maybe 20% of the time, only if my symptoms are mild. I can't be expected to heal my disorders completely on my own, especailly when I'm in therapy and have been led to think that it would be ok to process my trauma when I'm ready. I really, really don't want to change therapists. It is SO hard to find a good therapist who keeps it real, 10x more so with medi-cal.

Does anyone have any insight as to what could be going on here? Or any advice?

Please help.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I have been working through these podcasts and websites.




I have checked out several of these and I really think they have been helpful....
 

eroday1

New Here
First thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you are experiencing these type of unnecessary barriers among those who supposed to help you. I just want to add one thing I find often we tell others: when, how, where to process trauma (regardless of how we are able, unable we are or seem to others), it is up to the person experiencing. Maybe the reason the person is breaking down is they need to process some trauma just to start walking upright. So I applaud your need and want to process trauma and I am sorry your therapist thinks once a week therapy is just check in and is trying to send you off to some where else for intense therapy. I just hear your struggle in this. It is hard for a healthier person to navigate let alone for those of us who need it the most.
Yeah it feels so hurtful but I hope I am taking the comment the wrong way. Perhaps she means it's a once a week check-in right now, during the Phase 1, and maybe later we can go deeper. It still hurts though because I really trust her and she is an awesome therapist. I thought she really cared about me but now I feel like a burden. She said she wishes she had a week straight with me to work on trauma, but obviously that isn't the case, so once a week is my only option, and I don't see how she doesn't realize that I can still do trauma work on a once a week basis. I wouldn't even want to do intensive trauma work 5 days a week, I don't think that would be good for me. I don't know, it just hurts so much. I just feel like she's giving up on me because she thinks that I will inevitably relapse if I start doing trauma work.
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
Yeah it feels so hurtful but I hope I am taking the comment the wrong way. Perhaps she means it's a once a week check-in right now, during the Phase 1, and maybe later we can go deeper. It still hurts though because I really trust her and she is an awesome therapist. I thought she really cared about me but now I feel like a burden. She said she wishes she had a week straight with me to work on trauma, but obviously that isn't the case, so once a week is my only option, and I don't see how she doesn't realize that I can still do trauma work on a once a week basis. I wouldn't even want to do intensive trauma work 5 days a week, I don't think that would be good for me. I don't know, it just hurts so much. I just feel like she's giving up on me because she thinks that I will inevitably relapse if I start doing trauma work.
Perhaps she is encouraging you to do some in your own time, throughout the week and get feedback and support from her in the "check ins"?
It depends on what your week involves, but, if you are anything like me, you have A LOT of stuff to process. If I waited for other's I wouldn't get anywhere.

It's really up to us to set the pace of therapy.

I think (I could be wrong though, but it SOUNDS like) that she is just, gently, letting you know that therapists are limited in what they can do, the bulk of the work is up to us.

If you are ready to go deeper you can just do it. You don't need her permission. She is employed by you. You set the pace, so if you are ready to talk about really sensitive stuff, just do it. She will follow your lead.

Maybe you can start by telling her all that is worrying you about opening up to her? "Check in" with her with all of your concerns about how she will respond to you opening up about your traumas?

If you are worried that you might get emotional, that you might come apart at the seams, or dissociate, maybe you and her can come up with a plan with how to "manage" vulnerability, dysregulation or any number of destabalizing symptoms?

Can you contact her through the week? Do you have a set of self soothing activities or "window of tolerance" building "tool kit" options?

There are lots of options to begin processing. Writing helps some. Art helps other's. For some learning how to cry or relax or chop wood or to scream into a pillow or out in the wilderness helps move things.

I did a LOT of walking at one point when I had no other options.

All I'm saying is don't limit yourself to waiting on your therapist to give you permission to "go deeper". She has said she's there to "check in" but the bulk of the processing is your's to set the pace for.
 

eroday1

New Here
Perhaps she is encouraging you to do some in your own time, throughout the week and get feedback and support from her in the "check ins"?
It depends on what your week involves, but, if you are anything like me, you have A LOT of stuff to process. If I waited for other's I wouldn't get anywhere.

It's really up to us to set the pace of therapy.

I think (I could be wrong though, but it SOUNDS like) that she is just, gently, letting you know that therapists are limited in what they can do, the bulk of the work is up to us.

If you are ready to go deeper you can just do it. You don't need her permission. She is employed by you. You set the pace, so if you are ready to talk about really sensitive stuff, just do it. She will follow your lead.

Maybe you can start by telling her all that is worrying you about opening up to her? "Check in" with her with all of your concerns about how she will respond to you opening up about your traumas?

If you are worried that you might get emotional, that you might come apart at the seams, or dissociate, maybe you and her can come up with a plan with how to "manage" vulnerability, dysregulation or any number of destabalizing symptoms?

Can you contact her through the week? Do you have a set of self soothing activities or "window of tolerance" building "tool kit" options?

There are lots of options to begin processing. Writing helps some. Art helps other's. For some learning how to cry or relax or chop wood or to scream into a pillow or out in the wilderness helps move things.

I did a LOT of walking at one point when I had no other options.

All I'm saying is don't limit yourself to waiting on your therapist to give you permission to "go deeper". She has said she's there to "check in" but the bulk of the processing is your's to set the pace for.
Absolutely. I'm trying to find things that will help me, but at best I think they might help manage some symptoms, but I want to feel different and lessen the weight of all this on me, that I can't escape. I also do need to create a tool kit like you said, I'm just trying to find what works. Those are good things to talk with her about, I just don't want to be rejected even more. Maybe she was frustrated that day. The main point she was trying to get across was that I need more support, but I have no friends and family and, honestly, that is what I really need. I'm just worried she'll be resistant when I do try to open up.

Like last week, she said something along the lines of, "I'm not trying to get into your past anything, but can you see how living through that would contribute to your paranoia." It's just so weird. She's tried to get me to open up about trauma in the past, even when I did have psychosis. I was kind of resistant but one day I finally said I was ready to process and she said she was so glad about that it made her want to cry. Then we tried to get into light processing, and 2-3 weeks later I had a massive episode, and she was like saying that she thought she pushed me too hard. She said there's "so much work" she wants to do with me therapeutically but that she can't push me therapeutically because I'm in a constant state of stress. Which would make sense because I have PTSD, but I was also struggling with psychosis at the time, being homeless and living out of my car, severe paranoia, etc.. But I need to start doing that work at some point in the new future. It's so frustrating. It makes me sad because I really want to do that work, but now I feel like she's given up on that and is just tossing me aside and will probably try to terminate therapy soon.

So I guess I'm worried that I ruined my chance then (not purposely of course) and that she will not be receptive to it in the future for fear of what happened. Maybe it's cemented in her mind. Just so frustrating because it's taken me so long to open up just about what things have happened, not into too much detail.
 

eroday1

New Here
Absolutely. I'm trying to find things that will help me, but at best I think they might help manage some symptoms, but I want to feel different and lessen the weight of all this on me, that I can't escape. I also do need to create a tool kit like you said, I'm just trying to find what works. Those are good things to talk with her about, I just don't want to be rejected even more. Maybe she was frustrated that day. The main point she was trying to get across was that I need more support, but I have no friends and family and, honestly, that is what I really need. I'm just worried she'll be resistant when I do try to open up.

Like last week, she said something along the lines of, "I'm not trying to get into your past anything, but can you see how living through that would contribute to your paranoia." It's just so weird. She's tried to get me to open up about trauma in the past, even when I did have psychosis. I was kind of resistant but one day I finally said I was ready to process and she said she was so glad about that it made her want to cry. Then we tried to get into light processing, and 2-3 weeks later I had a massive episode, and she was like saying that she thought she pushed me too hard. She said there's "so much work" she wants to do with me therapeutically but that she can't push me therapeutically because I'm in a constant state of stress. Which would make sense because I have PTSD, but I was also struggling with psychosis at the time, being homeless and living out of my car, severe paranoia, etc.. But I need to start doing that work at some point in the new future. It's so frustrating. It makes me sad because I really want to do that work, but now I feel like she's given up on that and is just tossing me aside and will probably try to terminate therapy soon.

So I guess I'm worried that I ruined my chance then (not purposely of course) and that she will not be receptive to it in the future for fear of what happened. Maybe it's cemented in her mind. Just so frustrating because it's taken me so long to open up just about what things have happened, not into too much detail.
ALSO I'm so worried insurance will try to taper down and cut off care soon, especially since I have medi-cal and it's not great and I heard they try to do that as much as possible. Also especially because I've been seeing her for 3 years as of this July. I'm so scared about this. I don't have a lot of income but I'm thinking about just offering to pay cash if she can do a slightly lower fee, like sliding scale based. I just don't want to seem desperate but I really don't like an insurance company dictating my treatment.

And yeah I do email her maybe once a month and she always responds fairly quickly and with a thoughtful response, unless I'm psychotic in which case it's usually very brief and to the point. I didn't start emailing until about a year of us working together. I'm scared I've emailed too much though and have overstepped that boundary somehow, and basically because of all this I've mentioned, she's burnt out with me and is trying to distance herself as much as she can :(
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
Ok, that's a lot to deal with; Homelessness, psychosis, paranoia, no other supports...really a LOT.

Have you a home now?

I know how much this is, because, all of those things I've also experienced.

I'm really feeling for you.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can.

Usually, it is either the case that a therapist doesn't have the necessary skill set or the person appears to be malingering, for a therapist to bail on a client, other than that, it's a case of leaving a job or having personal problems, in my experience.

It doesn't sound at all, like you are malingering, but, I can see how it's frustrating for both of you, because you need more suppport.

Writing things out might really help both of you.

When I was super unwell, even just writing lists helped my mind organise itself.

And when I was psychotic, I sung a lot and prayed a lot.

Maybe something like Trauma Release Exercises could help or a trauma sensitive yoga class?
Or herbal support from a professional naturopath?
I used a herb called mulungu that helped when I was very manic and wasn't sleeping, apparantly, it's also helps people with psychosis.

Have you had your bloods done or tests for Helebactor pyloli or other intestinal issues?

I had very low levels of b12 and iron when I was psychotic and when I got injections for that, it helped with the psychosis.

Gut issues are very linked with mental health conditions.

I nearly died from long standing gut issues that resulted in extreme mental health psychotic break type breakdown.

Two of my son's ended up on anti psychotic medication though, although I have beaten psychosis without (I was too scared to take them).
 
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eroday1

New Here
Ok, that's a lot to deal with; Homelessness, psychosis, paranoia, no other supports...really a LOT.

Have you a home now?

I know how much this is, because, all of those things I've also experienced.

I'm really feeling for you.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can.

Usually, it is either the case that a therapist doesn't have the necessary skill set or the person appears to be malingering, for a therapist to bail on a client, other than that, it's a case of leaving a job or having personal problems, in my experience.

It doesn't sound at all, like you are malingering, but, I can see how it's frustrating for both of you, because you need more suppport.

Writing things out might really help both of you.

When I was super unwell, even just writing lists helped my mind organise itself.

And when I was psychotic, I sung a lot and prayed a lot.

Maybe something like Trauma Release Exercises could help or a trauma sensitive yoga class?
Or herbal support from a professional naturopath?
I used a herb called mulungu that helped when I was very manic and wasn't sleeping, apparantly, it's also helps people with psychosis.

Have you had your bloods done or tests for Helebactor pyloli or other intestinal issues?

I had very low levels of b12 and iron when I was psychotic and when I got injections for that, it helped with the psychosis.

Gut issues are very linked with mental health conditions.

I nearly died from long standing gut issues that resulted in extreme mental health psychotic break type breakdown.

Two of my son's ended up on anti psychotic medication though, although I have beaten psychosis without (I was too scared to take them).
Thank you so much for your response. I am trying to get a full medical work-up to see if anything is going on physically.
My therapist's specialties include psychosis and PTSD, and when I say we've been through a lot together, I mean we've really been through a lot. So many times I thought she would ditch me but she never did. Basically the past year and a half I was in a very psychotic state. I even threatened taking one of her other client's dogs (the client that was always right after me and would bring her service dog). She once had to call police because I was psychotic, brought a knife to the session, and then after the session was in the waiting room cutting all the magazines apart with the knife, trying to piece together "the messages." Then, a couple months later, I literally -and this is AWFUL but this is how severe my paranoia was- I was on the phone with a friend during an episode, and talked about how I thought a clone of my therapist was impersonating her and I was going to bring a knife to session to "extract" the "clone's" "soul".

So the friend (who after that said she will never speak to me again) texted my therapist, and my therapist ended up calling the police to meet me there the next day when I came for my appointment, and the 4 of us (me, my therapist, and 2 police-type people) had an intervention. I thought for sure after that, that she would ditch me. But she didn't. She said that she knew I was ill and scared and she just wanted me to be safe. Things haven't been that bad ever since August, but still I dealt with varying levels of psychosis and occasional problems taking my meds. Not only that, but she would reach out to other people to help me (with my consent), and then later I would get so scared of those people, because I didn't know them and was paranoid, that I wouldn't accept their help. I was in a partial hospitalization program once for about 2 weeks, and she said she was really proud, but then she found out that, while I could've stayed there longer, I didn't. Part of this is because I didn't know I could request more time, but I don't know if she believes me on that. Anyway, we've been through a lot.

She seems to firmly believe and tells me that she is sure I'll overcome this and recover and have a great future. One time she even sent me the kindest text message, the nicest thing at all, that anyone has ever said to me, when I was having an episode. Saying that I was smart, beautiful, had lots of amazing qualities, and deserved love and friendships and so much more, and that she believed I could make it in this world, but that she couldn't help me alone, that she couldn't help me unless I let other people help as well. The problem is, who else is supposed to help? I agree that I can't do it on my own, but who else is there going to be? The VAST majority of people are not going to get into a friendship with a person who is severely mentally ill and honestly can't contribute much to a relationship right now, who has basically lost their entire sense of self over the course of their mental illness. Her perception is that I won't let other people help me, I won't take help- but in reality there isn't the extra help available that I need. There just isn't. I see a psychiatrist biweekly, and I go to support groups (but they're online, and with no cameras even), and I'm taking a class on how to manage a mental illness. It just hurts that she is making it seem like the lack of support is because I'm not receptive to it, but that's really not the case. I just don't see how her ditching me is supposed to help the situation. Again, I don't know if that is happening, but I am scared it is.
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
I can understand how vulnerable and frightened you are. Being psychotic is VERY frightening, as is ptsd (this is my diagnosis, too, mine is the c-ptsd type).

If you can, somehow, let her know that you are open to other support people, but, that its very, very frightening to let people in, maybe it would help?

The main thing is for you to develop a sense of safety and stability. I don't think she is going to dump you because, she sounds like a very caring therapist you cares about you and who sees how much you have worked, so hard and courageously, to get stable.

I wish I could help you find some other solid supports. But all I can do is be here, as digital words on a screen.

It is a very difficult thing to come out of paranoid psychosis and to begin to be able to trust our own senses.

The fact that she has been able to support you and for you to begin to lean on her, and open up to her, is a fantastic step, in getting truly stable and regulated.

If she knows, in no uncertain terms, that you are open to finding other supports, she will, no doubt, relax and do what she can to help you, and provide a stable point of view in helping you guage who you can trust.

Coming out of psychosis is a very fragile time, mentally and emotionally, like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis, who's wings are still soft, until they toughen up,
so it might be helpful to let her know that you need her to help you recognise who, (and how), to reach out to, or to let in, to support you.

Let the trust that you have already built with her guide you.

It is so important for you to learn to trust yourself from here, as well.

For me, I got to the point where I knew I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I prayed to know what was true and what wasn't .

It is a journey, this truth-finding, but inside you is the truth of your being. The beautiful, strong, courageous being that your T saw and sees, and reflected back to you.

This is the you that recognises truth and care. If you are open, then what you seek, you are more able to find. So just being open to the possibility of developing more support relationships is a great place to start and will, no doubt, reap rewards.

It took me a long time to find an inpatients program. I was well into my 40's and I experienced psychosis when I was in my late 20's on, for a number of years, as well as crippling anxiety, depression, dissociation, and paranoia.

I was 37 when I found my now partner. I was very unwell when I met him, but, I could see that he was good and kind and although he couldn't really handle me when I was super unwell, i knew I could trust him and I learned to listen to him and learn safety and stability from our attachment (as well as lots of therapy).

We have been living together for the last 6 years and have been seeing each other for 11.

I am still wary of most people most of the time, but just having one friend who is a genuine friend makes all the difference.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
What @TruthSeeker said. Back when I had my complete meltdown, my T said I needed 5 day a week care. Of which there was none. lol. Years later, what got me on track was a program called WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). It threw my brain back into high gear and helped me to recognize that everything I needed to heal was right inside of me. I haven't looked back since.
Hey thanks I’m actually going to look at this.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
There isn’t lots of good therapy available. I’ve known some people with money who ran around doing every thing imaginable and did it make all that much difference? I do therapy once a week and now, only by phone. I would like to be in group and doing body work and yada yada.

I’ll suggest what I always do a therapist who specializes in trauma, and process, which means keep talking about it. Hope you feel better .
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Absolutely. I'm trying to find things that will help me, but at best I think they might help manage some symptoms, but I want to feel different and lessen the weight of all this on me, that I can't escape. I also do need to create a tool kit like you said, I'm just trying to find what works. Those are good things to talk with her about, I just don't want to be rejected even more. Maybe she was frustrated that day. The main point she was trying to get across was that I need more support, but I have no friends and family and, honestly, that is what I really need. I'm just worried she'll be resistant when I do try to open up.

Like last week, she said something along the lines of, "I'm not trying to get into your past anything, but can you see how living through that would contribute to your paranoia." It's just so weird. She's tried to get me to open up about trauma in the past, even when I did have psychosis. I was kind of resistant but one day I finally said I was ready to process and she said she was so glad about that it made her want to cry. Then we tried to get into light processing, and 2-3 weeks later I had a massive episode, and she was like saying that she thought she pushed me too hard. She said there's "so much work" she wants to do with me therapeutically but that she can't push me therapeutically because I'm in a constant state of stress. Which would make sense because I have PTSD, but I was also struggling with psychosis at the time, being homeless and living out of my car, severe paranoia, etc.. But I need to start doing that work at some point in the new future. It's so frustrating. It makes me sad because I really want to do that work, but now I feel like she's given up on that and is just tossing me aside and will probably try to terminate therapy soon.

So I guess I'm worried that I ruined my chance then (not purposely of course) and that she will not be receptive to it in the future for fear of what happened. Maybe it's cemented in her mind. Just so frustrating because it's taken me so long to open up just about what things have happened, not into too much detail.
Thank you so much for your response. I am trying to get a full medical work-up to see if anything is going on physically.
My therapist's specialties include psychosis and PTSD, and when I say we've been through a lot together, I mean we've really been through a lot. So many times I thought she would ditch me but she never did. Basically the past year and a half I was in a very psychotic state. I even threatened taking one of her other client's dogs (the client that was always right after me and would bring her service dog). She once had to call police because I was psychotic, brought a knife to the session, and then after the session was in the waiting room cutting all the magazines apart with the knife, trying to piece together "the messages." Then, a couple months later, I literally -and this is AWFUL but this is how severe my paranoia was- I was on the phone with a friend during an episode, and talked about how I thought a clone of my therapist was impersonating her and I was going to bring a knife to session to "extract" the "clone's" "soul".

So the friend (who after that said she will never speak to me again) texted my therapist, and my therapist ended up calling the police to meet me there the next day when I came for my appointment, and the 4 of us (me, my therapist, and 2 police-type people) had an intervention. I thought for sure after that, that she would ditch me. But she didn't. She said that she knew I was ill and scared and she just wanted me to be safe. Things haven't been that bad ever since August, but still I dealt with varying levels of psychosis and occasional problems taking my meds. Not only that, but she would reach out to other people to help me (with my consent), and then later I would get so scared of those people, because I didn't know them and was paranoid, that I wouldn't accept their help. I was in a partial hospitalization program once for about 2 weeks, and she said she was really proud, but then she found out that, while I could've stayed there longer, I didn't. Part of this is because I didn't know I could request more time, but I don't know if she believes me on that. Anyway, we've been through a lot.

She seems to firmly believe and tells me that she is sure I'll overcome this and recover and have a great future. One time she even sent me the kindest text message, the nicest thing at all, that anyone has ever said to me, when I was having an episode. Saying that I was smart, beautiful, had lots of amazing qualities, and deserved love and friendships and so much more, and that she believed I could make it in this world, but that she couldn't help me alone, that she couldn't help me unless I let other people help as well. The problem is, who else is supposed to help? I agree that I can't do it on my own, but who else is there going to be? The VAST majority of people are not going to get into a friendship with a person who is severely mentally ill and honestly can't contribute much to a relationship right now, who has basically lost their entire sense of self over the course of their mental illness. Her perception is that I won't let other people help me, I won't take help- but in reality there isn't the extra help available that I need. There just isn't. I see a psychiatrist biweekly, and I go to support groups (but they're online, and with no cameras even), and I'm taking a class on how to manage a mental illness. It just hurts that she is making it seem like the lack of support is because I'm not receptive to it, but that's really not the case. I just don't see how her ditching me is supposed to help the situation. Again, I don't know if that is happening, but I am scared it is.
You have suffered enough and your worrying about whether your T will ditch you probably isn't helping. If she was going to ditch you.....she'd have done it by now....By the way, your post was very brave.....it is hard being alone, homeless, and terrified. I am sorry this happened to you. But you know, it sounds like youe T is honest, wants you to be successful, sets clear boundaries, and knows when she needs back-up to keep everyone safe. Sounds like she knows what she's doing. Sometimes, therapist like positive feedback.....so letting her know that you appreciate her hanging in there with you...in a simple but "oh, by the way manner with a smile"... would be a positive way to express your feelings in your T relationship.

As far as getting started on dealing with your trauma, you could start a diary here- write your personal narrative starting from the very beginning of your life or from when you can remember. Write as little or as much.....tell your trauma to the forum.....or keep it private without comment. You did a great job laying things out about your C-PTSD. I think that would be an excellent way for you to drive your own therapy bus. Then, if you are so inclined, share what you learned or are struggling with, with your T at your appt. @mumstheword -she has a valid point....you drive your own therapy, and you can choose to process your own trauma......at home. I think writing it down is a great first step....it gets it out of your head....and ...that is one kind of trauma processing. Writing also acknowledges your personal narrative, your story which is unique. It also allows you to vent your feelings, cry, be angry, etc. I'm also about art, poetry, and exercise to help move through and process trauma-but everyone does it differently, and others are about connecting with nature.

You can also check out the cognitive distortions (core beliefs and counters thread) here at myptsd. I found that super helpful and still post there occasionally....but it really helped me change some of the unhealthy beliefs I had about myself. You can read other threads that relate to your issues and situation here. I come here daily to check in, read some posts....but in the past I came here for a couple of hours a day when I was getting started and neck deep in active trauma. Reading other people's posts helped me get new ideas on how to cope. I think the program @ shimerez suggested the WRAP program....maybe something you could consider.....and save towards if you wanted to......but you can do a lot to take control of your trauma processing?

I found helping others.....(and I set the limits as to what I could do at any given time when I wasn't doing so well) gave me a sense of purpose, something to look forward to, and a way to connect with the rest of the world. I also starting an online job...where I didn't have to leave my home and could take breaks on a bad day. The more I did, the more connected I was with the rest of the world. I also read and worked through a book called Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation....a training for Patients and Therapists.....My life was very foggy for some time....and this book had lots of practical ideas for people like me with C-PTSD and was very helpful in moving me in the right direction. Hope you find a way to move forward in a way that works for you.
 
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