Therapy/Hospital Question

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Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
Let me shed some light on the background of the story first: I posted like a month or so ago that I lost my damn mind and had my first major dissociative/psychotic episode from a trigger. That lead to me being super scared it happening again and making a safety plan w my therapist and psych. It has things on it like “call my emergency contacts if I am: extremely hopeless, have an active plan, stopped showering, canceling ALL of my therapy appointments (she lets us schedule months out) don’t talk to anyone for 3 days, continuously calling or texting therapist” and so on.

So the last few weeks I’ve been running into people from my old job that I got hurt at and they’ve been triggering. It’s been 2 years and I hadn’t run into anyone and now I have run into 3 in the last 3 weeks, the last one trying to talk to me at length.

The first time this happened I had my major dissociative episode. This last time, the other day, I just felt somewhat paranoid and don’t really want to leave the house. Not to mention I’ve had nightmares and night terrors for almost 2 weeks and they’re mainly about my last job and being hurt.

Sorry this post is a mess.

Anyways, I let my therapist know I wouldn’t be there Monday bc I hadn’t slept and couldn’t do the hour plus drive to Chicago safely and that I was having nightmares. She said ok and I need to give her 24 hours. So I canceled my next appt bc honestly I am having bad anxiety this week and w the nightmares I’m not sleeping and I honestly want to even skip thanksgiving.

She took this to mean I was acting like I was before and needed to go get assessed at the hospital. I never said I was going to hurt myself and I honestly have no intention to. I just want to sleep. She said she messaged my brother that her recommendation was I get assessed at the hospital.

I haven’t heard from her since and I am wondering if she’s mad I didn’t go to the hospital or follow the safety plan though I didn’t hit some of the criteria. I sent an email saying I was ok, tired and having nightmares. But I don’t know. I could be wrong about everything, I usually am. I don’t want to die, which is a change, I just want to avoid everything, which is also not helpful.

Hell I don’t know.
 

Friday

Moderator
If it’s part of your safety plan when people are worried about you to get assessed? It’s worth it to either get assessed, or remove it from your plan. No point in having something in there that you’d refuse to do even when you’re fine & would be sent home with a gold star, much less when you’re not, ya know?
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
If it’s part of your safety plan when people are worried about you to get assessed? It’s worth it to either get assessed, or remove it from your plan. No point in having something in there that you’d refuse to do even when you’re fine & would be sent home with a gold star, much less when you’re not, ya know?
Yeah, that makes sense. Probably time to revise since the first time it was put in play it didn’t work. I had my doubts about it bc I made it. I guess I’ll just give my therapist space too? Idk.
 

Justmehere

Moderator
I guess I’ll just give my therapist space too? Idk.
Actually, the problem seems to be that you are canceling appointments back to back... are you contacting her continuously too? If so, back down on that contact, and find a way to get to one appointment to redo the plan. Things with your therapist should settle down that way.
 
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Friday

Moderator
I guess I’ll just give my therapist space too? Idk.
Actually, the problem seems to be that you are canceling appointments back to back....

Ditto.

If she’s concerned about you seeing her face to face would settle that, meanwhile “giving her space” (?) is just going to increase the concern.

The question mark above is because she’s not a friend you’ve pissed off and who needs space to cool down & forgive/forget you made them upset. She’s a professional who is concerned. Very different things.
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
Ditto.

If she’s concerned about you seeing her face to face would settle that, meanwhile “giving her space” (?) is just going to increase the concern.

The question mark above is because she’s not a friend you’ve pissed off and who needs space to cool down & forgive/forget you made them upset. She’s a professional who is concerned. Very different things.

Somewhere in my brain I know that. I have a hard time with her or anyone being mad or disappointed in me even if it’s warranted, like this is. There’s been plenty of times in the past where my anxiety w our relationship would be so bad I’d call and excessively text and email. I’ve done that w other relationships too. Abandonment stuff. I’m not very good at working through things and talking through things w people, it’s either I shut down or I go hyper anxious and can’t function.

That can of worms aside, it’s been difficult to leave the house for fear of getting triggered. I know I can’t afford to be agoraphobic on top of everything else. I seem to be good at creating problems for myself. This sucks. I know you guys are correct and I appreciate the feedback, it helps to hear it in different ways.
 

rosey

MyPTSD Pro
Ditto.

If she’s concerned about you seeing her face to face would settle that, meanwhile “giving her space” (?) is just going to increase the concern.

The question mark above is because she’s not a friend you’ve pissed off and who needs space to cool down & forgive/forget you made them upset. She’s a professional who is concerned. Very different things.

I second this it sounds to me like she is giving you space, she wont be needing it. Best to talk to her to clear it up, she probably is trying to m=not make matters harder fo ryou by giving you time and control
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
Appreciate everyone’s replies.

I will likely see her Thursday, first time in a few weeks due to unknown physical issues that are making it hard for me to drive. Keep getting dizzy still so I’m seeing a bunch of doctors. Anyways we haven’t really talked in a few weeks so it feels weird and I feel disconnected.
 
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