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Therapy Sucks Sometimes, Not Sure What To Do

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Monarch

MyPTSD Pro
So I went to therapy again today just like every week and just like every week I leave frustrated because I can't talk about the trauma's. I freeze and that sucks and I am wondering if I will EVER be able to face someone and talk about it. I have talked about some of it here in my diary but I can't do it in a room with someone, whom I trust and I know won't judge me. ARGHHHHHHH so F^&% frustrating. I am on the verge of giving up therapy, giving up the meds and going back to avoidance. I thought I was F'ed up before, I am really worse now so why not go back, it was a better place. SERIOUSLY, I am spending $20 a session, every damn week and I am getting no where with actually getting this out and worked on, what is the damn point.
 
It took me a long time to trust my therapist and relax enough with him to tell him. Maybe you could try telling just a tiny bit to start with. Maybe its just one sentence. Then week on week you might add a bit until you are happier telling the whole thing. Or, have you thought about the possibility of writting to the therapist? Maybe an email or a letter and then you might find at least some of that initial pressure is off. Just because you write it doesn't mean you need to go into every bit of detail straight away. Just a little bit. Its a big step but it does take time and you will feel a bit of relief if you at least give it a try.

I still hate telling my story to the therapist or anyone else for that matter. I've got to do more of that this week myself. I just know if you dont try it it doesn't go away by itself. It'll still be there, with all the trauma related symptoms that go with it.

Good luck with the next appointment.
 
It was normal to write things down and hand it over to the doc. That way I did not have to say it.
 
I was having the same problem before xmas. In the end i printed off my diary and gave it to my therapist with the understanding that only he would see it. It was a big step as i hadn't told anyone what happened since an initial police report and then writing in a diary here.

For me it has helped to begin a dialogue with my therapist as he now knew what happened so could approach it e.g ask me what my thought/feeling were about x part etc and even repeating a sentance and working on specific bits or more generally depending what mood i was in and how much i was avoiding it.
Maybe you could consider if you could share a bit of your story like that or talk about possibly doing that with your therapist?
 
I have done that, I shared most everything with him, I wrote about the trauma's while in the hospital a year ago and we haven't, I haven't been able to talk about it. Then the end of last year I wrote a 40 page freaki'n novel about it and sent it to him and everytime we start to go there I freeze up, chicken out, and feel like such a damn loser because I can write it, I can share it that way and I can't talk about it. I have a hard time thinking I will ever be able to, maybe this is the most i will ever be able to do. I am OK, no panic no suicidal stuff, I hate myself but so do alot of people. Maybe this is it for me.
 
Do you want it to be it? Do you want to be able to talk about it? Its sounds like you do so whats stopping you? I still think you could start with even just one sentence. Then leave it. It would be a start. A sentence will go to a paragraph etc etc. I understand its hard, I really do but only you can break the cycle. If you plan a tiny bit to say then you control it that way too. Its not like the therapist questioning you. If it winds you up that bad then just go for it. The other thing you might want to think about is the therapist. Are you comfortable with him/her? Maybe it would be easier with someone else?
 
Thanks, I guess I just need to "take the plunge" one sentence won't kill me, I am thinking to much about it and letting my fear take over, it is easy to do.
 
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