I hope this finds everyone doing well. Or at least in an upswing of the roller coaster. Sorry I haven't been here to support, but I have been feeling like I can't even help myself right now. I just have been, pissed, guilty, and at a general loss all week. I was trying to do as the CBT guy said and "share" with my husband. That is backfiring big time. We have been through so much together and he has always been so supportive. I know so much has fallen on him me going through withdrawals. I get that and he has been helping me through it. But when I started trying to open up and make it clear just listen, don't try to fix it, it just seems more than he can handle. He is getting a short fuse with me which turns into a nasty cycle FAST since I am not the sweetest thing in the world. Every time I turn around I was getting my head bit off because it is stressing him even more hearing things that go through my head. :dontknow: I was so happy that I forced myself up and out to mow. Unfortuantly when I did mow the jungle of a "back yard" I ended up with a cotton mouth in the house. He had taken off work that day to get kids shots for school and I lost the snake. So he ended up having to put the beds back together and dressers as I took the kids to another house to let him kill the poisonous critter. He had his hands full and a laundry list of things he said he wanted to get done. I told him sorry and thanks for all of it. But the next day I had called him and just asked did you get a chance to drop off our daughter's school book while he was in town? He just jumped all over me about all the crap he did that day and did I even notice??? YES I did, I said thank you and appreciated it and hung up on him. I always try to make sure I do. I was just so pissed beyond belief. Every day this past week we have been short and I have clammed back up. In turn attacks are getting stronger again because I am too worried at pissing him off and me blowing a fuse in return. I bite my tounge so I get an attack, last night was a good attack and almost lost control of it. I was actually feeling better getting the crap off my chest and out of my head, but if it is going to tear us both up where we fight why do it? It is making it worse. It seemed better when he was just trying to care for me but is not up to being this involved in healing. I just do not get how before we knew what was happening and I was "going crazy" until the two different doctors put a name to it and set up treatment he was able to cope and be so supportive for so long? Now we know, now I have threapy. I am coming off meds and still improving (except withdrawals). But it seems even when I tell him we know now. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and doesn't he? I have told him we are not fighting blindly anymore, at least I am not. The meds are almost gone and I am learning to cope. I am supposed to try and cut down to 3.5 mg xanax today. I try to tell him I don't like getting sick as a dog, I don't like withdrawals but I am so close to this drug route ending coming from 9 - 10mg. It is like I am not doing it fast enough for him. I can't make him understand it is just as painful every step down for me, it does not get easier as I go, he seems to think it should be. As school is about to start and he sees I may not be able to care for my toddler without help he seems to even get more upset. This is not helping me. I go to the CBT again today to give me the proper ways to let anger out but I am thinking we will be more on this topic instead since it is not working. Any advice on this guys? I really need it. He is (and I too) pissed off at my teen daughter, she was at her aunt's visiting and is acting like a rude ass. She was even rude to a nun! A NUN! So I should be at a peak of withdrawal symptoms Saturday and PMS so I know I will be a "nice passenger" when I go get her a 6 hour one way drive... And my daughter is probably going to run when I tear into her. I don't have to be PTSD to rip her a new ass being rude to a nun. Dropping off the teen son and my toddler the 8 yo stays. Then go back the following weekend to pick them back up. At least those 2 will behave.