Think Husband Sociopath

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brat17

MyPTSD Pro
My husband agreed to help me clean out garage and shed. He wants me to take amphetamines that my dr does not want me to take so I can get more work done in repairs around the house. But this evening, he agreed to help me. We emptied most of shed and he took something to garage and didn't come back. I moved something slightly and ax came down and I jumped or it would have got my foot. A bag of fertilizer fell off shelf and spilled in my face and I inhaled and swallowed some. I was also uncomfortable from mosquito bites and came out of shed and saw him in garage window doing nothing but laughing and gleaming. I realized he put this stuff there like a booby trap. I was coughing and choking and he did nothing. I went in the house and have been rinsing my nose out and showered and stuff and he has never come to see if I am missing my foot, but I know he did this. He won't give me a divorce but he will punish me forever.

I always knew he was passive aggressive and he has done many things, but this may be the worst, besides him pushing me down the steps March 2015. I think he is escalating.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Are you sure he did it and are you sure he knew the ax was there and was going to fall and hit you? It seems to be a hard "booby trap" since he didnt know how exactly you would be standing or taking it down if taking it down at all.

Maybe he was laughing that you got fertalizer all over you. Not that that's that funny if someone is coughing and stuff but im just thinking, maybe it wasnt him that intentionally "booby trapped" it.

Maybe he did, I dont know, im just thinking rationally that's a hard "booby trap".
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
We were separated for 13 yrs and he never paid support but paid the house and utilities, so my income went to raising the kids. I had an accident before they were out of high school and am on permanent disability. He claims every cent he puts in, even for his kids as alimony and I have to claim it as income. The house is over 100 yrs old and I have spent every cent trying to maintain and sell it and my energy into the work (sweat equity). I have consulted with attorneys but they all want $5000 retainer and he has a good one and even though they say I am entitled to pension, he has never told me how much. He kind of moved back in a slowing beginning a couple yrs ago when we both agreed to go to marriage counseling. That did not work. The T said he had a communication disorder and depression. I have been told repeatedly that he is passive aggressive and it fits. He sabotages me. When we were married, if I went to grocery store he would lock me out of house for long time. He would chain the doors and lock self in bedroom and say he never heard me. Constant stuff like that and he has been doing ti again. He advised my daughter to stop pmt on check, then told me I was f...ing crazy that I did not trust daughter. He fought me on selling the house during 13 yr separation. Wont sign papers, won't accept offers though I put it on market 2 times and did all the prep. I finally gave up for a bit because of illness.

I don't know for sure that he rigged it, but he was doing it grudgingly. He grabbed a bunch of rakes and things up at one point, more than he could reasonably handle, and was knocking all kinds of stuff around and I offered to help and he declined, saying "you wanted all this stuff out" He put the wobbly shelf in the corner and was doing things in there while I was out of shed sorting stuff and putting things away. (He is hoarder, pack rat, and moves my things so I can't find them regularly). He took something to garage and did not come back so I proceeded organizing inside shed. There was wheel barrow and spreader and when spreader hit shelf, ax came down from somewhere, I think mid shelf and large open bag of fertilizer /turf builder from top of shelf. The fertilizer was not there initially I do know that because I remember moving it and could never lift it over my head to upper shelf. Other stuff fell too. I had flip flops on and jumped back but got sprayed with fertilizer.

He was not just laughing, he was smirking. I know I sound a bit paranoid. He was in garage (probably hiding from work). He has said he does not like women to tell him what to do and that I am masculine and emasculate him (long time ago) during dispute, but I think that is how he really feels. However, it is his mother that he jumps for and he lived with for all those yrs, he does not do much for me. I do my own work mostly. I have never been called masculine other than by him. I have always had to delegate because he does nothing but go to his work and resent female bosses too.

My eyes are red and swollen and throat is sore and nose feels like I inhaled clorox. I used a nasal rinse but not helping much. He has not even checked to see if I am ok and it was hour and half ago. Maybe it was just by accident . He says I got pushed down the steps last year but denies being the pusher. I have not accused him of anything and just locked myself in my bedroom for the night.

I have really screwed myself by letting him stay here again. He has taken over and makes things so miserable at times. My T wants me to rent out spare rooms (I have 7 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms.) He says he won't pay any bills if I do. She thinks I would be safer with others here.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
I have really screwed myself by letting him stay here again. He has taken over and makes things so miserable at times. My T wants me to rent out spare rooms (I have 7 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms.) He says he won't pay any bills if I do. She thinks I would be safer with others here.

The pushing you down the stairs sounds really dangerous for you. I hope that you are thinking of kicking his sorry ass out of your home.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
He doesn't have to agree to divorce for you to leave him.
And I have no family or anywhere to go with my 2 dogs. He has his mothers house where he lived for 13 yrs and I think owns it now. He keeps finances secret but I also think they get gas royalties from it.

Maybe I am just being paranoid and maybe he did just think it was funny. When we have conversations, I keep looking for him to have empathy for others and sometimes he attempts to , but I don't think it is genuine. That is why I am starting to think it is more severe than passive aggressive behavior
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Gizmo-that was a yr and half ago. I think when he got by with that, it is all downhill since. We were in marriage counseling and counselor said that these things happen sometimes. I was baffled. T accepted his statement "she got pushed down the steps" which I thought was BS...never said "who pushed her down steps" and made him own it. I worked in DV for yrs and we would never allow that. The T made comparisons that his 45 yr old son had not been attending the catholic church and that bothered his wife. I didn't go back after that. Its scary when the DR is not the smartest one in the room.

I could probably kick him out, get him to leave again, but I know that he cares about his credit and would pay mortgage, but nothing else. He has prevented me from selling house. I feel so trapped. T says I am in hostage situation. Then he claims that as alimony and I owe tax on it. I have told him that I think that is illegal (attorney told me so) but if I refuse and he goes to prison, I am also screwed. Been married 30 yrs, have been a work horse the entire time. Became disabled and get 800 month.
 

Friday

Moderator
And I have no family or anywhere to go with my 2 dogs

That's true if he did agree to divorce, as well.

Most people don't have anywhere to go... Because we don't maintain 2 residences, & already are somewhere! That's part of leaving someone; finding someplace to go. Or, conversely, figuring out where the other person is going to go, if you want to stay in the residence. That's an unlikely one with contested divorce. So it's finding someplace to live until assets are distributed.

Same token, while some states require separation periods of a year or more before granting a no fault divorce, and even longer (plus additional hoops to jump through) if one person is against the divorce... All that does is add time where you're legally married / legally separated... And in the interim there are dispensations to deal with alimony, child support, custody, & protection/distribution of assets. Is it a perfect system? Nope. Will you lose some if not a lot of what you have? Guaranteed (that's just part of any divorce). But it's still something all 5o states allow everyone to do. There's a brief article on contested divorce here, that you might find interesting. How to Get a Divorce Without Spouse Consent
 

Thizette

Confident
My husband agreed to help me clean out garage and shed. He wants me to take amphetamines that my dr does...
Read "The Sociopath Next Door". It's a wonderful book--helped me understand my dad and my first ex husband better. Also, leave him, please. You can get a divorce without his consent. Leave and file, and if he fails to respond, most places allow you to "publish" a divorce. you post the court "service" in the papers or in the courthouse for a certain amount of weeks or months and if he fails to respond, the court should grant your divorce. I'm not sure what the laws are where you live, but it's worth talking to a lawyer about. Please look to your safety.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you Friday. I will read the article. I don't think my state has the year wait for no fault divorce. Children are grown now thank goodness. I don't mind loosing some of what I have at all. I want simplicity and a more minimalist life. Stuff is clutter to me. A big house is not my desire. I know he will pay mortgage with his name on it, but also know when alimony isn't paid as ordered, lawyers get paid more than recipient. So renting does not seem like a good idea with no cash on hand in the event he does not pay what judge orders. I know I have great struggles with executive function. I need a step by step plan. Thank you for the article in advance. Am going to read now.
 

Fadeaway

MyPTSD Pro
My current husband has passive aggressive tendencies, but my ex was a sociopath, your husband sounds more like my ex. He is gaslighting you for sure.

Do you have a family justice department in your state? They might be able to help you legally for free. I know that in California, you can get a restraining order against him that includes the fact that he can not alter your standard of living until it goes to court. If he has been claiming that he has been giving you alimony, the court would enforce him to continue giving you that amount.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Do you have a family justice department in your state? They might be able to help you legally for free. I know that in California, you can get a restraining order against him that includes the fact that he can not alter your standard of living until it goes to court.

I don't know if we have a family justice dept but I will find out. Legal fee's are the biggest issues. I walked away from my first marriage with nothing as he was regularly physically abusive and very verbally abusive. I need to get a fair deal and get my half of assets as I have no earning potential left. Thanks for the information.
 
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