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This is About My Husband

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by ksue, Aug 29, 2007.

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  1. ksue

    ksue New Member


    I am writing on this forum to try to learn more about PTSD. I can read information on the internet until I am blue in the face, but I wanted to post here so I could get some sort of feed back and/or encouraging words from others who are familiar with PTSD.
    Here’s part of the story
    I am the wife of a man whom I believe has PTSD (from multiple childhood traumas). Although, he has never had an initial diagnosis, I believe it’s because he is absolutely against the idea of seeking any type of help (from friends, family or professionally) because, according to him that makes him look “weak” and he doesn’t want to “burden” others with “his problems”. He has the nightmares, flashbacks, depression, anxiety, anger, using alcohol excessively and now he is completely shutting down emotionally. In fact, he told me he doesn’t even want me around anymore and that I would be “better off without him anyways” He says that he has shut down.
    Overall I feel that our relationship is good (we have been working through problems, but I thought successfully). He feels that earlier in our relationship he gave it his all, opened up, let himself be vulnerable, and regrets it (even seems to resent it) because he feels in his mind that he does not fulfill me! He says that I used to give him the vibe of rejection! I do not feel this way, I love this man whole heartedly and would/will do anything for him and cannot imagine why he ever felt rejection from me! I just don’t know what to do… I want to fight to save this relationship because I love him to pieces, but he just seems like he’s completely giving up, and does not want to… Do I back off? I don’t want to be pushy for fear of upsetting him but I can’t just sit back and let him give up on everything!
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hi Ksue,

    Yes being on the other end of PTSD has to be a tough one. I have PTSD, but I am also trying to come to terms with my own guilt for the hurt that I caused my daughter....

    Ptsd isn't an easy fix. Your husband has to WANT to get help. He has to work hard at getting better. There is no cure, only though therapy, and hard work can we manage to control our lives better

    Encourage him, with gentle nudges to get help. Leave some pamphlets out about PTSD. Read books and leave them in the open. If questioned....Tell him that you are trying to understand what he is going through so that you can be there for him if he wants the help.

    If he decides to get help....PLEASE....Make sure it is with a therapist trained in trauma, or PTSD....This is really important to his recovery.

    Read in the carers section to for help and support.

    Welcome and I do hope you and your husband make it. You sound like a wonderful person, he is lucky to have you....

  4. Arashi

    Arashi Member

    Welcome to the forum Ksue. I just joined here myself and I can tell you that you will find a wealth of information here.

    Reading all the stories can give you a lot of perspective from both sides of the fence.

    I think the best thing you can do is to give him a wide arc, but try to lovingly nudge him in the direction or realization that he needs help. Be supportive and uplifting to his ego and self esteem so that he isn't in a state of "weakness" and can decide with a clear conscious.

    It osunds like you have a lot of love for him, be sure you don't drive yourself over the edge tryng to save him. You need to take care of you too.

    Good luck in your research. :)
  5. Jim

    Jim Well-Known Member

    Welcome Ksue. I am also a Carer, though to a child rather than a spouse. You've come to the right place for support and to learn about PTSD. Lots of great people and great information to be had.

  6. ksue

    ksue New Member

    Thank you

    Thank you so much for welcoming me to this forum, I have been reading other posts and have already benefited from what others have posted. It definetly makes me feel hopeful.
  7. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    Welcome to the forum Ksue, lovely to have you. Your husband sounds very depressed, and the alcohol will not help matters. If you haven't done so already, please do encourage him to seek professional help or at the very least, go to an AA meeting. After that, the ball is in his court so to speak. As others have said, encouraging and supporting him is truly all you can do, it is up to him to get help. It is unfortunate that so many men feel they are weak if they ask for assistance, when the truth is the opposite quite frankly. Furthermore, PTSD only becomes worse when one does not talk openly.

    In any event, I am delighted you are here and reading, please continue to do so. You are most welcome to post in the Carers section as well. Do remember to take care of yourself. Do something nice for yourself each day and come here to ask questions and vent anytime you desire, as you are most welcome.
  8. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Ksue, welcome to the forum. The carers area certainly provides lots of support and information for carers. Plenty of people here with and without PTSD for you to pick their brains.
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