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Sufferer Three Rounds Of Repressed Memories

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open eyes

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Hi everyone. I'm a teenage girl suffering from C-PTSD as well as bipolar I with psychotic features. My struggle started when I was 6 and was repeatedly sexually abused by two of my neighbors, who were a few years older than I. I repressed these memories until January 2013 and throughout my childhood they manifested as dissociative episodes and eating disorders.

I had been doing better until the 7th grade, when I was sexually assaulted in a swimming pool by one of my peers. The person nearly drowned me, and the incident was extremely traumatizing. I repressed these memories as well, until the same time that the other ones surfaced. The new trauma lit up old pain from the past which I hadn't dealt with, and I fell into a severe depression. I went on medication (Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Zoloft- to name a few) However many of the medications I was given caused me extreme manic highs, which would periodically occur until I was diagnosed as bipolar.

I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital last summer for the first of 3 total times, where I was forced to come clean to my parents about the abuses I had kept secret for years. They were extremely supportive- one of the reasons I am still here, which I will never be able to repay them for. I am very thankful to all the help I have gotten during my inpatient stays- the most recent, two months ago.

However, the past few weeks I have been having strange feelings similar to the ones I experienced last year when the other repressed memories came out. Last night, I guess I knew something was coming. I said to myself that if there was something that needed to come out, I was strong enough to handle it. During my meditation I began to have at first blurry and strange flashbacks, which intensified. I remembered being touched by a magician at a childhood friend's birthday party. The pieces I remember are so unclear, so distorted, that I'm not sure the extent of the physical contact, but it was apparently enough to cause my brain to repress the memories.

If you're still reading this, I thank you, and I am wondering if anyone who has any experience with repressed memories could give me advice on how to bring them into focus?
 
Well you can try and trigger them by going places/ doing things that happened when you were repressed if you remember that much. Personally I find that the more I've come to terms with other things, the more I just remember (or when really bad things happen but obviously that is not as good). Just be careful because you need to be stable enough that the flashbacks don't start controlling your life.
 
This isn't a slight but maybe if you are still dealing with issues serious enough that you have to be in inpatient care, this may not be the best time to try and remember everything,

I agree. Recovering repressed memories can end up being very messy. If you and your parent / guardian are up for it, you could check yourself in to inpatient care to do this.
 
Hi open eyes,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!

As you read posts, there are a lot of members that have gaps in their memories. Personally, I have years that are missing. Memory is a tricky thing, and no one can say when, where or how much you will remember. Having the tools and the ability to process and understand will go a long way to helping you when the memories or even fragments arise. I also found it helpful not to focus so much on the task of "remembering" and to allow it to occur naturally.

There is sister site you may also find helpful: MySexAbuse.come.

Debbie
 
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