my whole life I've heard people say "time heals all wounds"... yet the more time that passes, the worse I get. my trauma was 6 years ago yesterday. I couldn't just sit home and feel sorry for myself 6 years ago so i jumped back into life pretty quickly.. I ended up going back to school and getting my associates degree and an awesome job. (LOVED that job) worked there about a year and a half (so were about 2 1/2 to 3 years post trauma). then I started having sleep problems. I wasn't waking up in the morning and showing up late for work. I was terrified of getting fired, so I quit. My friend needed a full time babysitter so I did that for awhile. eventually got back into working but not in the same field and never full time. some days I just can't get myself to do the things I need to do, or get out of bed. I know everyone experiences this at some point in life but this is different than your typical lazy or unmotivated mood. no matter how hard i try i physically can not get myself to do stuff sometimes. i don't know why it's like something literally holding me back. fast forward to 2020- I got hooked on drugs, ive been arrested twice (never been in trouble with law enforcement prior)m currently facing a felony (and am absolutely terrified) because I have no self worth or boundaries and I (once again) put someone else before myself. I lost myself trying to save someone else and I almost lost my life doing that in the past. thankfully I was able to finally recognize my co-dependency and ended 2020 much better but still have a very long way to go. (if anyone can help me with boundaries that woild be fabulous) but im putting myself first for once and it's actually really hard.. why? I care wayyyy too much about silly things and other people. why can't I care about myself like that? why do I accept less than what I know o deserve?