time isnt healing my wounds

samanthavad

New Here
my whole life I've heard people say "time heals all wounds"... yet the more time that passes, the worse I get. my trauma was 6 years ago yesterday. I couldn't just sit home and feel sorry for myself 6 years ago so i jumped back into life pretty quickly.. I ended up going back to school and getting my associates degree and an awesome job. (LOVED that job) worked there about a year and a half (so were about 2 1/2 to 3 years post trauma). then I started having sleep problems. I wasn't waking up in the morning and showing up late for work. I was terrified of getting fired, so I quit. My friend needed a full time babysitter so I did that for awhile. eventually got back into working but not in the same field and never full time. some days I just can't get myself to do the things I need to do, or get out of bed. I know everyone experiences this at some point in life but this is different than your typical lazy or unmotivated mood. no matter how hard i try i physically can not get myself to do stuff sometimes. i don't know why it's like something literally holding me back. fast forward to 2020- I got hooked on drugs, ive been arrested twice (never been in trouble with law enforcement prior)m currently facing a felony (and am absolutely terrified) because I have no self worth or boundaries and I (once again) put someone else before myself. I lost myself trying to save someone else and I almost lost my life doing that in the past. thankfully I was able to finally recognize my co-dependency and ended 2020 much better but still have a very long way to go. (if anyone can help me with boundaries that woild be fabulous) but im putting myself first for once and it's actually really hard.. why? I care wayyyy too much about silly things and other people. why can't I care about myself like that? why do I accept less than what I know o deserve?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Are you in therapy? It has helped me a lot with all the things you have mentioned.

Time: that's a funny thing. I think it only heals if we let ourselves face, fully and honestly, all the pain and trauma.
My trauma happened 30 years ago. Only facing it now. I spent 30 years getting by, pretending it's ok, that it didn't happen and that it didn't impact me.
So time on its own is worth nothing if the ability to address the trauma doesn't happen.

Sounds like, whilst life has taken a turn downwards with the drug use (been there too, btw) and the worry about the felony, that you can see what all this means for you. You alcan see you need to out yourself first and learn boundaires. And you say things are a bit better now. And that is all down to you.

How to out in boundaries? Practice. It's not easy. But learning what it is you need and how to express that. You might find people don't listen because they are not used to you staking your rightly place. But practice.
 

Friday

Moderator
Yep. That’s generally a sign that something has gone wrong... whether it’s an infected wound going gangrenous, a badly healed broken bone that will never move properly much less support weight, or neurological no-no-(argh! >.<) When something isnt healing properly? Time to look at why & start taking steps to correct.
 

samanthavad

New Here
I've wanted nothing more than to deal with/work through my trauma to heal from it but myself won't let me. I dont understand things, I can talk about it when its casually brought up in conversation but go completely blank while at therapy and asked specific questions. I hate it! I can feel things in my body and soul but can't explain them or why I feel that way (example: I will wake up drenched in sweat and can just feel in my body that I had a nightmare but I dont remember it.)

Are you in therapy? It has helped me a lot with all the things you have mentioned.

Time: that's a funny thing. I think it only heals if we let ourselves face, fully and honestly, all the pain and trauma.
My trauma happened 30 years ago. Only facing it now. I spent 30 years getting by, pretending it's ok, that it didn't happen and that it didn't impact me.
So time on its own is worth nothing if the ability to address the trauma doesn't happen.

Sounds like, whilst life has taken a turn downwards with the drug use (been there too, btw) and the worry about the felony, that you can see what all this means for you. You alcan see you need to out yourself first and learn boundaires. And you say things are a bit better now. And that is all down to you.

How to out in boundaries? Practice. It's not easy. But learning what it is you need and how to express that. You might find people don't listen because they are not used to you staking your rightly place. But practice.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I think there is a real difference between talking (emotionally detached?) About the trauma. And then *feeling* the trauma (like you waking up drenched and not remembering the dream).
I think we all have similar things. This sort of disconnect between it all. And that's where therapy helps.
Maybe in therapy the shift needs to move away from talking about the trauma, and talking more about the feelings in your body. And the not being able to answer specific questions.
Talk about all these things that are about the traumaz but not the trauma, and then the connections will start to be formed.
It's a really painful process, I'm sorry to say. And it has a nasty habit of not being a linear, smooth, path to recovery. It likes to through little surprises in our way. But it is possible
It won't always be like this.
 

Friday

Moderator
It's a really painful process, I'm sorry to say. And it has a nasty habit of not being a linear, smooth, path to recovery.
One thing that has helped me be less “brick wall bang head” 🧱💥 about that? Is that regular ole academic/physical learning is often/usually linear... but early childhood development? Where we’re truly learning fundamental/foundational things (gross motor, fine motor, cognitive, emotional, emotional regulation, voluntary control over involuntary & instinctual systems, etc.) that we’ll take with us the rest of our lives??? That become the things we just do??? Leapfrogs.

So it makes sense that when we’re learning at the neurological level, whether that’s processing trauma or recovering from a stroke, that our brains learn things the way we did as infants. Rather than the way we do luxury-learning in school/work/play, because survival-learning just looks different.
 
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