Undiagnosed Tips for redirecting numbing behaviors?

Unicorm

New Here
Hi, I’m new here, just realized that I check a lot of boxes for cPTSD, but since I’m a fawn I completely thought other people just don’t know how to pull themselves together… Sorry, everyone!

Since I recently realized how painful the neglect and abuse in my childhood have been for me, I can watch how I want to numb it with alcohol or food. My digestion is completely messed up since then, too. Bellyaches and indigestion.

Did anyone else feel a spike of physical and addictive symptoms with the realization of the pain? And how did you redirect it to something kind to yourself? Any suggestions?

Thank you for reading this.
 

Friday

Moderator
Welcome!

Did anyone else feel a spike of physical and addictive symptoms with the realization of the pain?
Physical? Yes.

Addictive? No… although I’ve used plenty of addictive substances, because they work, I’ve also used <snaps down Santa’s naughty list, that rolls across the floor, & out the door, down the hall> countless other means and methods to feel / not feel.

And how did you redirect it to something kind to yourself?
I don’t know that I’ve ever used “kind to myself” as a guide, but I have used “less lethal”, “fewer problems attached”, “able to be sustained in the long term”, & “an amazing addition to my life” as guide posts. Which probably amounts to roughly the same thing >>> Making choices I’m proud of and can stand behind.

HOW I did it required a helluva lot of trial and error (like attempting straight up substitutions… which never works, as I’ve never found anything that ticks exactly the same boxes as anything else). But the end result / method I still use today means that I break down each coping mechanism into its component pieces, no holds barred, to find out exactly WHAT I’m getting out of it… so I can start sourcing those elsewhere. And then I start stepping down from A, to B, to C… whilst adding in XYZ to fill in the gaps.

For example?

Fighting for my life
Bar Fights & other “death would be an accidental byproduct”
Sport Fighting (with rules, more or less)
Sparring (with a partner)
Katas & other individual training

Is how I would step dooooooown. But? Each one of those steps down is losing a whole helluva lot of components to it. Like

- the immediacy of life or death… which I might make up for in studying medicine, or learning how to fly.
- The clarity of adrenaline… which I might make up for with certain sports like freestyle snowboarding, or sex, or jumping into cold water, or becoming a coffee snob, or the flying trapeze, any other “whoomph!” hellooooo wake up!
- The “pay ATTENTION now!” I always happen to replace with gravity sports (pay attention, or get smacked by the ground) where some force greater than myself is in play and I have to be interacting with it constantly in order to not get f*cked up -OR- sex.
- Physical contact with others has a thousand different ways to meet; massage, contact sports, sex, acrobatics, dance, etc.
- ET CETERA

So instead of having ONE thing in my life? (Like fighting for my life) I’d actually have maybe a dozen or so very different things that fill those need/wants, in different ways… and ALL of them are joyous/happy adds, with lots of alternatives. Like I did both snowboarding and surfing (summer/winter) for the gravity sports & adrenaline, but fall/spring? Would do springboard diving, flying trapeze, spinning fire poi, etc.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
Did anyone else feel a spike of physical and addictive symptoms with the realization of the pain? And how did you redirect it to something kind to yourself? Any suggestions?

hello unicorm. welcome to the forum.

i don't know that my symptoms actually spiked, but my awareness of those symptoms made them **feel** worse for a very long time. there are many valid reason we shuffle the pain to the side without conscious thought. unlearning that reflex was painful, all by itself/

as for redirecting those symptoms to something more self-compassionate, hold that thought but look to your own heart for the particulars. one soul's treat is another soul's torture and i find it critical to keep the channels to strictly personal preferences. musical instruments, caring for my critters and digging in the dirt are 3 of my personal faves from my own, strictly personal heart.
 
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