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Tips? potentially moving for job

Discussion in 'Employment, Education & Disability' started by Chitoshi, Feb 16, 2018.

  1. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Active Member


    So I'm searching around for jobs and I might be moving entire states because my field has a shortage and I'm needed elsewhere. So. Moving is expensive, and I'm afraid of the thought of doing it.

    I've also never moved states before. Most I've moved is 2 hours away from my mom for college, and now I live an hour from her and like 15 minutes from my fiance's mom, who I see like every day.

    It's most likely a financially good thing and a smart career move. The more experience I have elsewhere the more likely it will be that I can move back if I'd like, or be more mobile in general in this job, since my career is having an identity crisis (my career does like one thing 3 different ways).

    Pros and Cons of moving when you have PTSD and your entire support base has been at your current location or surrounding area for 5 years?

    What if I'm considering moving to Hawaii? Specific advice?

    People who have moved before: What surprised you about your resilience in moving? What are you still working on after the move?

    How do I gather up the courage to move?

    What if I find out it's not what I wanted? Moving feels so permanent and the expense just terrifies me.

    Those of you who have moved entire states, did you bring most of your stuff or did you buy a lot of things new?

    Anything else I should know?
    Supervixn likes this.
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  3. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    I grew up moving every 6-24 months as a kid, and then as an adult both more and less frequently (ie I’ve lived in the same place for 5 years, af one point which is an insanely long period of time to me, as well as moved several times a year, not just twice a year). As a kid, our everything just moved with us, every time. Same stuff in new houses. As an adult I’ve gone both routes of taking everything with me, or taking little to nothing and starting fresh.

    *** Part 1 *** If Im moving with my stuff

    One of the best things in the world are packers/movers. OMFG :inlove: Bliss. It’s awesome. You pack what you’ll be travelling with (suitcase or 3, and set those aside) and then a team comes and boxes up your whole house (or apartment) in almost no time. Apartments? A day. 5 bedroom 3 story house? 2-3 days. I can’t underscore enough how much I love movers.

    Failing that, I still use much the same paradigm that I learned from having pro movers do it. I pack what I’m keeping with me in transit first, and then live out of those suitcases for the next week or two whilst I pack & label everything room by room. It keeps it very simple / straightforward, and makes it very easy. From watching friends move as an adult I think a lot of their packing stress comes from trying to save things out they “might” need or want until the last minute, and then frantically trying to do too much at once, as well as mop up, from diving in and out of boxes for various things. Just watching them stresses me out :confused: It’s like they’ve never gone on vacation before? (Ie lived out of a suitcase, with limited options, for a week or two).

    Personal bias? New boxes. Sized to what they’re holding. Book boxes for books, wardrobe boxes for clothes, etc. Even when I’m just moving across the same city new boxes = clean lines & clear organization & islands of calm. As opposed to the riotous mayhem of free liquor boxes (or worse; bags & open grocery boxes, which you really don’t want to take interstate, as they’ll spill). Brown boxes, clearly labeled by ROOM & General Contents to make it a snap to unpack. Sure, it’s a couple hundred bucks for new boxes. IMO completely and totally worth it.
    Eagle3 and Chitoshi like this.
  4. desiderata310

    desiderata310 On a Pale Wave Moderator

    I grew up, like Friday, moving every 6-12 months. My parents always had movers do things.
    As an adult, I moved all my stuff.
    The first really big solo jump I did, I moved with almost nothing. I sold almost everything. That was rather freeing and made me decide what was important to me. All those THINGS that I loved and kept went to a 4x6 storage unit and got shipped once I had a place to live. It makes you reevaluate what's important.
    I had two suitcases, a backpack, a cat carrier, and a scream case of un-diagnosed PTSD when I FLEW to my new city. I didn't even have a place to live when I moved. My bikes and car got shipped to me but I couldn't afford to ship my car till I had been there for about six months.
    (Biking and walking are the BEST way to learn a new city.)

    I wound up in therapy about 3 months in. It made all the difference.
    I found that it was a good bit harder for me to make friends and even harder to trust. The few people I did gravitate to I discovered also had PTSD and that was not something I sought out. It was just like we had been drawn to each other.

    This last move I made was Dec/Jan. It has been, by far, the hardest thing I've done in my personal and professional life. I also had to clean out my meager savings and got a loan from a friend to help me move.
    1. It ALWAYS costs more than you think it will.
    2. Yes, movers are fantastic but don't use Presidential Movers. That's all I will say here about them other than I arrived in my new city Jan 3 and I still only have what I had in my car. You get what you pay for. Read the fine print.
    3. I agree 110% about the boxes and spending the money to pack correctly. All those little knicknacks that you treasure? You want them to arrive in one piece.
    4. Professional cleaners. Full stop. You will thank me.
    5. Explore your new city as much as possible before leaping. I happened to leap into a really lovely gentrified area but I really just picked a place at random. I could have wound up in a terrible spot.

    Expect that your symptoms are going to get worse for a while. They just will. If you take meds, talk to your current psych to get them filled and have them on hand for that lapse month or three while you find a new doctor. Ask for recommendations. Even if they don't know someone there, your current doc can help you find resources.
    Whatever moves you, whatever it is that you LOVE: running groups, knitting circles, masters swim, kayaking, books clubs... make it a mission to find that asap- before you leave if possible, so that you have that THING to go to when you get there.Use Meet Up.
    Get on the Nextdoor app and use it. Seriously, it's been a huge help in understanding my neighborhood.

    That's all for now. I'll talk about the rest later.
    Eagle3, Friday and Chitoshi like this.
  5. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Active Member

    Thanks guys. My fiance is totally on board with us moving, I just am struggling with all of the second thoughts behind it.

    Like what do I do if I fail? What happens if I hate it? What happens if I leave my entire support system behind and I become dysfunctional while I'm a new-career newbie? Is a move so expensive that I won't be able to move back? Will a move financially ruin me? What if the cost of living is higher than I'm comfortable with? What if my fiance can't find a job? Etc etc.

    Not all of them are rational, but I'm so anxious about those running thoughts, because-if I do say so myself-I feel like as a young person with hardly any savings I kind of have a point to myself?

    I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot, though. My friend with an anxiety disorder said she never thought twice about moving and just got used to "figuring it out" because her family moved a lot, too.

    I was so gung-ho about wanting to go, but now I'm getting majorly cold feet. It's like I'm at the top of a diving board about to apply for all of these jobs going, "But what if I can't swim?" Despite taking swimming classes (AKA going through my accredited graduate program).
    Freida likes this.
  6. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    I moved..a lot. The hardest thing I had to learn....

    Wherever you go..there you are

    So now I have to ask myself why I want to move.
    Am I running again? Or will this move improve my life?
    Have I completed what I needed to do in therapy?
    Do i have a good grasp of my triggers?
    So I understand my coping skills and can I use them?
    Do I have a plan to create a support system?

    None of my questions are about what will I happen when I get there because I know I can make it work. And if I hate it? Move again.

    My questions to myself are about why I'm leaving and am I prepared for that

    Just a thought...
    Chitoshi likes this.
  7. anonymous

    anonymous Forum Anonymity Premium Member


    I have no idea where you’re moving from, but if it’s not somewhere on the west coast, count on not going home much as the logistics of flying... Yeah.

    The cost of living is much higher. Are you getting a salary bump?

    And yes, even paradise gets boring. I know I personally wouldn’t do well there as my hobbies don’t “travel” there. Just something to think about.
    Chitoshi and Freida like this.
  8. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Active Member

    I'm going from $10,000 a year to $43-$56k starting, depending on where I end up. We actually just had a long talk and we'll most likely be moving to Washington state from the midwest.

    Also of note is that my fiance is going to move careers so we're looking at areas that hold his career interest.

    It's not about running away. It's about building opportunities, for me.
    Freida likes this.
  9. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    Welcome to the land of Starbucks Microsoft and rain!! ;)

    Chitoshi likes this.
  10. desiderata310

    desiderata310 On a Pale Wave Moderator

    So I get that. I REALLY do. I'm still in the midst of 'OMFG what the hell have I done? This place is so weird, lonely, mean, that I don't think I can 'make it' here.
    Remember that there is the EAP that if you are getting even a mediocre job they will have available for you from day one. USE IT.
    IF you are moving East to West, it's likely to be one of the most expensive moves you will ever make. If you want to move back to... wherever you are moving from it will likely be cheaper. Unless you are like me and are moving as far from one place to the other.

    There are online tools to help you figure out what your current income will look like in the new place and tell you how much of a realistic jump or cut in pay you might be taking. Things as mundane as the price of gas or the a loaf of bread all the way to average rental prices for a two bedroom.

    When you plan your finances, plan on only using what you are making for a while and when your fiance finally gets a job, you've got a bonus. It also takes the pressure off for a hot minute while they look which will make things easier if you both have realistic expectations. Plan on that looking to take 6 months to a year and be pleasantly surprised if it takes less time.
    Chitoshi and Freida like this.
  11. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Active Member

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks so much for replying and giving me tips. I gotta figure out how I'm doing this before I go further! I have interviews for LOCAL jobs here, but I'm still trying to apply away. I'll let you guys know if the move is happening this year!
    Freida and desiderata310 like this.
  12. Eagle3

    Eagle3 Well-Known Member

    I recently made a multi-state move for a job. It's been a real learning experience for several reasons.

    1) I didn't finish my therapy, but I really didn't have a choice in moving. I had been out of work for over a year, so took the first job that came along (in a different state). One of the first things I did was keep in touch with my old T, and looked for a local T too. The local guy is more of a band-aid than actual therapy, but I'm very rural and had to take the best in a small lot. Therapist was VERY high on my list of things to find immediately!

    2) Meetup is definitely a thing! Look for local social activities that will help you click into the social scene as quickly as possible. I did both Meetup and used a resource from my hometown as a safe connection at the new Big City about an hour and a half from my current residence. Finances being what they are, I can only make it to the Big City about once a month.

    3) I hate cardboard boxes, but I LOVE the plastic totes from Walmart due to reusable-ness. I can stack those things in a corner of a closet when not in use, and use them for packing and moving whenever I need to (which seems to be pretty often lately). Best of all, no nasty cardboard smell or small roaches/bugs in storage!

    4) I'm finding out that I'm not cut out for this level of rural living and lack of socio-cultural activities. Not to mention the fact that I just can't afford to live alone here and bring my dogs out from my hometown. I'm currently looking for work back home so that I can return to the place I love, with my support network in place and my DOGS!!! I can't make it in this situation out of state, but it's been one of the best learning experiences I could have ever hoped for. I'm learning a lot about myself, my capabilities, and even my illnesses and how they affect my work and social abilities. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything, and I greatly appreciate the opportunity to do something like this. But I wanna go home. The good news is, the longer I stay here, the more resume experience I accrue, so that's one thing.

    Looking forward to hearing about your decision!
    Chitoshi and Friday like this.
  13. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Active Member

    Hi everyone, I realized I never replied to this. We had to put moving on hold because my fiance was going to get laid off and my internship supervisor threatened to not pass me (which means I'd have to redo internship and wouldn't get licensure this year even though I'm competent and my university thinks I'm doing well, she just holds me to a way higher standard than needed).

    So. We're not moving this year. New game plan is in 3 years. Thank you for all of your tips, guys.

    By the way, my fiance is not losing his job (they voted for furlough days instead, yay), but we're going to try and do a double-income savings plan for awhile to make sure our emergency fund is up to snuff before we do anything drastic.
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